Thursday, March 3, 2011

FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS

I'm like a shark, with frickin' laser beams shooting from it's head. Sept they're boogers. From my nose. And it's only fair, because I mocked my husband when he caught those cold sores. Which, may I add, have a surprisingly long shelf life.

Anyway, now I've been brought low and I have no one to blame but myself.

Speaking of blame, I needed someone to point a finger at yesterday. I was served up a big old steamy manure pie, made out of a one week lapse between policies in Workman's Comp, a tire exploding in an employees face, the subsequent ambulance ride and ER visit, a teenage son missing 30 (not even exaggerating) assignments and a few other surprisingly expensive and aggravating ingredients. You know, to give it savor.

I could barely contain myself while I sat mouth breathing in my bedroom chair, as I tried to consume the entire dessert myself. Fortunately, Sterling came in to take his fair share, and together we licked the platter clean.

Which makes me grateful for a husband who knows the difference between chocolate and cow dung, and that only one of those is his wife's favorite. And who takes a misfired bullet now and again when the gun is in her hand and she's swinging it around in wild eyed frenzy.

But other than that, I just have this miserable cold that makes it impossible to think clearly, or be funny, or be kind, or be generous, or be creative, or be productive.

And this time, I blame...how 'bout the Unions? Yeah. Them. Stupid Unions.




12 comments:

Vern said...

Knowing the difference between chocolate and manure is critical. There should be a box to check on the marriage license.

Jackie said...

I'm not sure my husband knows the difference. HE does avoid both though...

Natalie said...

When it rains....seriously! So sorry you have had so much to deal with. I swear it must be in the water. Not only do I have to stay down for the next 3 months because of my PP, now I got GD! Flip! I am told to take it easy...enjoy myself...but only eat cardboard! Crap. Damn. I hear ya girl.

Garden of Egan said...

Uh, whatever you're taking for the cold.....you should cut the dose in half!
Hunny, you are a stinkin' riot.

Sorry about the ........where to start.........ambulance ride, Unions or 30 missing assignments....well, all of it.
Go ahead, blame me, I can take it.

Oh and thanks for NOT taking pictures of nose boogers.
I don't think I could take that.

T said...

stupid Unions...

no amount of sick makes you not funny though :)

Cherie said...

OK i am not sure where to start commenting.
That's alot of manure but you definately need to "Go towards the chocolate" - Totally glad the hubs knows the difference.
Hope you feel better soon.

The Martos Fudge said...

I am sorry you feel miserable. I hope it all goes away, we miss you around here. But totally understand if you need a couple day to become yourself again. But Saturday you better be better n back to Princess mode.

Stef said...

Mouth breathing....hahaha. That is hilarious. And I am with you on the Unions. Jerks!
Dang pie!

Brittney said...

it's true - you're hilarious even when you're sick. That's such a talent!!!

Julianna said...

Maybe the guy driving the crazy truck was a union worker... yeah that's it... and he left the door open so all those bags of stupid would fall out...

It's what I'm going with...

Hope next week's better. :)

Mimi Sue said...

Sorry you've had a bad day or two. Glad you had some chocolate to get you through. Things will only get better. Mimi

Holly said...

...and yet you still have wit and charm! Must be the chocolate!

I think we need more info on the emergency!! Sounds scary!!

Unfortunately, I have a son with similar school woes... and of course he NEVER has work that's DUE...sigh* (Thank goodness it's only one!) Maybe you should aim the boogies at HIM as punishment... EEEWWWW....

Hope you get feeling better! ((HUGS))