Thursday, March 17, 2011


Went for a pedicure last night, ladies. And please learn from my mistake of going one hour before closing time, which is like licking up the sides of the empty tin that used to hold a cream pie filled with pumice and pink piggie polish time, topped with leg massaging energy. Seems these people DO have a life apart from my feet, and are ready to resume it 15 minutes before the actual closing time posted on the door.

Anyway, pulled out a brand new razor and swiped at my legs before heading over, because I learnt my lesson from last time. Realized too late that brand new razor/swipe/my calves are not on friendly terms, as I tore off toilet paper and attached it to about 30 bleeding nicks—10 of which were on ONE FOOT, people. Not even shizzing.

Now they stopped bleeding before I left home, but once my feet were immersed in steaming water, well, the life juices flooded back to the surface, to take a look around. Seems they liked what they saw, and decided to stay awhile, setting up lawn chairs and coolers, and cracking open Diet Cokes.

I tried to explain to the Vietnamese ladies that, "I hadn't wanted them to feel my prickly hairs, because that would gross them out, so I had done a quick shaving job, but it was a new razor, and I hadn't realized that without the proper soaking time, your legs just rebel and bumps raise in alarm, leading to a severing of the little bump heads, and that's why my legs are covered in cuts and why the previously blue water is now a tinge purple, because red and blue make purple, and I promise I don't have any blood born diseases like AIDS or some sort of Herpes or anything like that, no way, it's just that I didn't give them proper time to clot before heading over here, because I was afraid they'd close, and I'd have to go another day with hideous little pigs and blah, blah, blah."

But they were Vietnamese, remember? So they just stared at me like I had a booger on my lip and laughed.
And whispered.
And laughed again.

Then they pointed over at the waxing station and said—

"You Wah."

And I said, "Haha. Yes. Ha. Good idea."

Then I buried my face in an upside down magazine while they drained the purple water and began again.

Next time I'll wah.

Fer sher.


Cherie said...

I think you handled it well I would have been dying! I don't do blood very well even my own!
Don't you wonder what those ladies really are saying.

Julianna said...

I just don't go any more. I go to my sisters and we have a girl's night. :)

Mimi Sue said...

Last week I was in Phoenix where I had to wear flip flops because it's a law that must be obeyed. I had to get a pedicure before my feet could be unveiled. Must be the same little Vietnamese ladies. Poor things. That is one job that I would have to pass on. Mimi

Holly said...

I must have callouses for legs because I don't have a lot of razor rash stories... Hmmm...

I heard your not supposed to shave for a day or 2 before having a pedicure or have open sores, to avoid infection. Hope they clean their basins and equipment properly. Hope I didn't just freak you out... now go bathe in hydrogen peroxide... LOL!

OH!! I did know it was St Patty's, but the only place you could tell that was my blog. Hehehe!! It was pre-posted. I wore jeans and a yellow tee. Braden came home with green marker on the back of his hand because he wore his favorite UTE shirt... Rich was the only one that wore any green, and I think he even did it unconsciously. I'll try to be better next year, too... LOL!


Jackie said...

Your analogies sometimes gross me out, but I love every one of them!

Next time I'm in town. You and me. Pedicures.

Jackie said...

Your analogies sometimes gross me out, but I love every one of them!

Next time I'm in town. You and me. Pedicures.

The Martos Fudge said...

I love PEDIS, I so have done the whole shaving while having chicken skin, and shaved the head of every pore. Hope you have cute piggies, after all... That's what is important.

Vern said...

Every time I go for a pedicure I have to draw a circle around one spot on my left foot because if they massage it I will hit the roof. I still don't know what it is, but even the vietnamese seem to understand.

Jess said...

I'm going to get a pedicure today (you know, to stave off the snow) and I DIDN'T shave . . . haha, made me think of you. That poor, poor vietnemese girl :(

Krista said...

I've never had a pedicure. I'm kind of scared to have one now. I only shave once a week, so I'll have to keep that in mind.

The Martos Fudge said...

Hey lady, hope all is okay... Haven't seen you around.

Meredith said...

oooo I've never Wah'd before! You'll have to film that one so I can see if it's really as painful as it looks! hahaha

Brittney said...

hey I miss your posts!! Just thought I'd throw that out there and see if it changes anything.