Sunday, October 9, 2011

SPOTTED DICK


A few weeks ago, we bought us some Spotted Dick. I shiz you not. Did anyone else know there was such a thing? And that it can be found at World Market rather than an infectious diseases clinic? Yeah, us either. Neither. Whatever.

Anyway, yes, somebody out there is still sticking to their spotted dick guns, insisting in their English accent that there is "NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT NAME! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD HAS DONE TO IT~IT'S JUST SPONGE CAKE AND RAISINS!" They're the same people who keep naming their daughters Gay. While filling their plate with hors d'oeuvres, asking the hostess who cut the cheese?

Bless their hearts.

But I get it. I mean, seriously, it ticks me off how someone can take a perfectly lovely noun, verb or adjective and give it a revolting connotation. This changes our world, people. Just think of those poor pitiful peeps having taken for granted that Johnson would always be a good, strong, respectable last name. I wonder how they would feel, if somebody used their name to label, oh, let's say bum goats?

"Eeeewwww. She's got some major Misty going on there."

But now that I think about it, why was somebody allowed to label underwear going up a rump crack, "goats?" Poor animal. What did they ever do to deserve this stinky wedgie implication? And speaking of wedgies, those were SHOES, people. Still are, just like thongs. And yes, once again, we have a poor unsuspecting flip flop shoe that had the misfortune of being worn by the lingerie designer who decided a string of bum floss resembled his footwear. Which brings us to poor unfortunate floss. Far as I know, floss is for TOOTH DECAY, not fanny cheeks. How did HE get mixed up in all this wretchedness?

You see? It's the song that never ends. And I'm angry, folks. They've maligned all sorts of beautiful, helpful contributors to society. Farm animals. Shoes. Happy people. Cheese cutters. When will it ever end?

Likely, not until every one of our names ends up in that steaming pile of verbal vomit...or should I say "ralph"...

Poor guy. He never even saw it coming....


11 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

Amazingly enough I understood everything you wrote.

Well, except the goat thing.

I promise, I will NEVER buy spotted dick.

Fer reals.

My verification word:
solysitis (medical term for spotted dick)

Cherie said...

Ha Ha You are right - so many things have changed that are word related another is we cannot call flip flops "thongs" which is was I called them growing up.

We have a big sporting goods store down the street from us called Dicks and it bugs my youngest to know end. "Mom why would ANYONE name a store....THAT?".

I have to say just from the name I would never buy Spotted Dick - Ha ha. Also, I don't like raisins.

:-D

Vern said...

"They're the same people who keep naming their daughters Gay." Ha ha ha!

Kristina P. said...

I really had no idea what spotted dick was. Well, in this form.

Stef said...

Okay. I agree with you on most of those...but who thought "Spotted Dick" was a good name in the first place. Even if Dick was only known as a man as opposed to his part, who would want to eat a spotted man? That's just weird. I'm just saying.

Julianna said...

I miss the day when Coke was still a Coke, a hoe was used in the garden, and people cracked jokes.

:)

shayla said...

Okay Lisa, i have read your blog for awhile but never commented, but couldn't help myself today. So, my middle name is Gay and my maiden name is Johnson. For reals! So funny!

Lisa said...

Shayla, THAT IS HYSTERICAL! I'm so sorry the word meaning changers did that to you. One of my favorite teachers was named Gay. Well, if we ever find out who those haters are, we'll get back at them.

shayla said...

Yes we will, in fact I may Ralph all over them!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh! I wish I had known you were trying to find Spotted Dick! I would have happily sent you some. It's everywhere here and you usually eat it with cream... I kid you not. My son (in the states) loves it-- mostly for the shock factor of the name, but he eats it all gone so what do I care?

Sunshine said...

Spotted Dick, is just about the finest Dick I've ever eaten..really, you must try it. It's a delightful treat when served with warm cream. mmm...

That could be an add for Spotted Dick, don't you think?