A few weeks ago, we bought us some Spotted Dick. I shiz you not. Did anyone else know there was such a thing? And that it can be found at World Market rather than an infectious diseases clinic? Yeah, us either. Neither. Whatever.
Anyway, yes, somebody out there is still sticking to their spotted dick guns, insisting in their English accent that there is "NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT NAME! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD HAS DONE TO IT~IT'S JUST SPONGE CAKE AND RAISINS!" They're the same people who keep naming their daughters Gay. While filling their plate with hors d'oeuvres, asking the hostess who cut the cheese?
Bless their hearts.
But I get it. I mean, seriously, it ticks me off how someone can take a perfectly lovely noun, verb or adjective and give it a revolting connotation. This changes our world, people. Just think of those poor pitiful peeps having taken for granted that Johnson would always be a good, strong, respectable last name. I wonder how they would feel, if somebody used their name to label, oh, let's say bum goats?
"Eeeewwww. She's got some major Misty going on there."
But now that I think about it, why was somebody allowed to label underwear going up a rump crack, "goats?" Poor animal. What did they ever do to deserve this stinky wedgie implication? And speaking of wedgies, those were SHOES, people. Still are, just like thongs. And yes, once again, we have a poor unsuspecting flip flop shoe that had the misfortune of being worn by the lingerie designer who decided a string of bum floss resembled his footwear. Which brings us to poor unfortunate floss. Far as I know, floss is for TOOTH DECAY, not fanny cheeks. How did HE get mixed up in all this wretchedness?
You see? It's the song that never ends. And I'm angry, folks. They've maligned all sorts of beautiful, helpful contributors to society. Farm animals. Shoes. Happy people. Cheese cutters. When will it ever end?
Likely, not until every one of our names ends up in that steaming pile of verbal vomit...or should I say "ralph"...
Poor guy. He never even saw it coming....