Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I DISCREDIT MYSELF

So tonight I spoke at a Young Women's Evening of Excellence. My old high school friend is the one who made the call, and together, we made a pact—

"I won't discredit you, if you don't discredit me."

We were true to our word.

Turns out I didn't need to worry so much about Holly, but rather my own Princessy self, on account of at the end of the meeting, one of the darling girls approached me with radiant beams shooting out of her smiley eyes and exclaimed, "I READ YOUR BLOG!"

And I'm like, "Oh, thank you, hahahahah—wait, what?"

Then did a supersonic mental card catalogue flip through the last 2 years of blog posts, and realized it was too. late.

Just like Ethel, she'd done already been mooned.

But at least what you see (read, hear) with me, is what you get, right? I mean, I think we all know our fair share of people who spend a fortune on makeup and dental work, since they have two faces to worry about. Usually, by the time you're in the midst of perimenopause, (the stupid spell check is underlining this word, like it's not real...like I made it up! RIGHT! LIKE I'M MAKING UP BURNING MAGMA FLASHES, APE SHIZ CRAZY MOOD SWINGS AND WHAT THE? IS THIS A SIX O'CLOCK SHADOW? WOMANLY FACIAL HAIR. Sheesh. Dumb crap spell check.) Anyway, where was I before it got so hot in here?...

Oh, yeah. Usually, by the time you're old enough to go through "life changes," you're old enough to know better. And I'm happy to say I'm learning. Sometimes still talk out of my fanny, but hopefully not both sides of my mouth. Not often, anyway.

In the end, I figured there was nothing left to do but own it. So I did.

And then I did The Snake. Plus I treated them to my signature knee grab head jerk. Because there's nothing that swipes up the attention in the room, like a foxy babe doing nubile, young dance moves.

Sorry you missed it.




(still really hot in here...has anyone seen my razor?)





9 comments:

Julianna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julianna said...

On occasssion I have forgotten I have told people about my blog, until they comment.

Ooops.

And someday my kids might read it.

Double ooops.

Kristina P. said...

I always get freaked out when someone from my real life I didn't know about it reading. Strangers, no problem, but not people I know!

Anonymous said...

Please, PLEASE tell me that you did NOT do the "q-tip, q-tip, throw it away, throw it away" move without me!! Nothing is sweeter than watching you doing your 80's moves at a high school dance (uh...last year). But whatcha gonna do when they're playing 80's music? OWN IT, that's what!!! Anony :)

Mimi Sue said...

That's what I like about you Lisa. What you see is what you get. Plus think about all that money you save on makeup and dental products since you only have one face to worry about. The hot flashes go away eventually, then there's nothing to blame my bi-atchiness on...Sad. Mimi

Garden of Egan said...

Ya....about that chin hair....what the heck?

I'm sure the young girls are glad to know you are so awesome and totally speak their language.

Vern said...

A RAY STEVENS REFERENCE?!?! It's official, we were separated at birth.

Don't look Ethel!

Stef said...

Hahah. Okay, this is hilarious. Sometimes it's nice to have followers who really don't know you...

Emily @ My Pajama Days said...

I think the best role models are the most transparent and honest ones, which, my friend, is who you are. You are a woman of your word and speak boldly from the heart. Plus - you are FREAKING HILARIOUS! Great post.