Anyway, I'm done giving you the silent treatment—and don't act like you don't know what you did. (two fingered eyeball point) But I think you've been punished long enough. Let us begin:
*I hosted a lovely Thanksgiving spread for 38 this past week, and just now noticed the dead flies in the window ledge of the bathroom everybody used.
*Since my son is still in Brazil, it's up to me to register him for his University classes, and I'm too stoopid to do it. Near as I can figure, it's some sort of filtering process—if you're smart enough to maneuver through the maze and find the cheese, well, you're rewarded with four years of tuition, books, fees and loans. But it's okay, because you trade that in for a piece of paper. That probably, and I'm just thinking out loud here, but probably you could find online, and print on your own, for way less money. But whatever. We say it's the journey that matters, folks. But in all my middle aged years, I've never applied for a job where they asked anything about my journey. The paper was all they cared about. Clearly they're not as enlightened as "we" are.
*I went to Just a Bed of Roses. Spent a lot...and I mean A LOT...of money on items that were just a little bit too special to give to you, so I kept them. See, Brenda goes out of her way to buy things especially because she knows I'll like them, and it would really hurt her feelings if I gave them away to others, all willy nilly and such. So in order to keep her heart intact, I'm biting this bullet called materialism and greed and keeping the universe in alignment.
*My son just called and because of power outages, etc, caused by the demon pig winds, wants me to call the school and give him permission to come home. Yeah, right. Like I want him home. Suck it up, son.
*He just texted me, "There's nobody in class!" And I replied, "Except you." He'll thank me one day.
*And lastly, MY MISSIONARY SON WILL BE HOME IN 15 DAYS! I KNOW! I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING EITHER! IT'S JUST SUCH AN ENORMOUS THING TO FATHOM AND IF I'D SHARED WITH YOU HIS LETTERS OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS, YOU'D BE BEATING DOWN MY DOOR TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THIS GODLIKE CREATURE, WHO STARTED OUT AS A SPOILED LITTLE HOP TOAD, AND NOW STANDS ERECT AND SHIMMERING, JUST LIKE EDWARD'S CHEST IN THE SUNLIGHT, EXCEPT HIS IS FROM RIGHTEOUSNESS, NOT SUCKING HUMAN BLOOD.
And THAT is what has been happening around here lately. Oh, plus I need to figure out a way to lose 20 pounds in 15 days, in order that there not be an awkward moment at the airport, wherein my boy searches for his adoring mother amidst the frenzied fans, only to find she's been swallowed by two years worth of Dr. Pepper, divinity and chocolate cream pies. I might need to wear a name tag.
Anyway, hope you've been well and happy and had enough time to think about what you did to deserve no blogs from me for three weeks.