Thursday, January 26, 2012

PRITTEEEEE SIRREUUUUUS CONNECTIONS

Coming at you with a 7 on a migraine pain scale from 1-10. Last two days were full on 9, with all the accompanying "I might need a mixing bowl," and sensitivity to light and sound. I could, in fact, hear my son cracking sunflower seeds between his teeth in the other room last night.  And yet, I let him live. Which proves that I'm a giver.

Now, I don't know if you guys know this, but I've got some prittteee sirrreuuuus political connections. In fact, you might say I'm the Utah version of the Wichita Lineman, which brings me to query aloud how a man can build such a gut wrenching, mournful song around a telephone repairman?—That Glen Campbell has super powers...probably even a secret lair of some sort...

Anyway, back to sirrrreuuuuuuus. So my Uncle Chris Stewart is running for Congress. You may know him as an author—he's a New York Times Best Seller, writing "Seven Miracles that saved America," and, "The Miracle of Freedom—Seven tipping points that saved the world." Also military techno thrillers, as well as the series called, "The Great and Terrible." Mind blowingly good. Plus, Chris has been a regular speaker touring with Time Out for Women, and he set a world record flying a B-1 Bomber nonstop around the world...with Niece Lis as his muse. And I think, but I'm not positive, but it's really really highly likely that his next book will be about a princess named Lisa...coincidence? I think not. True? I think not, either.

Which leads me to the part where I drop the names of some very close personal friends of mine—GLENN BECK and CHUCK NORRIS! That's right! That's what I said! GLEN AND CHUCK! (close friends call him Glen with one 'n') And it's hard to say which one I like more...just like cherry and grape snow cones, both favorites.

Have I met them, you ask?

Is that necessary, I reply.

And then I roll my eyes at your obvious naivetee (said with an affected French accent, meant to convey disgust and superiority.)  The important thing here is, they're admirers and friends of Chris Stewart's, and because blood is thicker than water, the fact follows that the flow of good will goes right through Chris' veins and surging into mine, on account of me being his muse and all.

Anyway, I just wanted you all to know what a big deal I am. And maybe, if you play your cards right, I'll let YOU call him Glen with one n, too. Because as I once again testify, it's not what you know, it's who.


AND I KNOW HIM!


5 comments:

Jennifer Griffith said...

Again, I suggest we do our "Huntsman Daughters" thing and roll out the Niece Charm and win this thing for him. I predict a huge surge in the polls after our cuter-than-cute youtube vid. All cracks aside, Chris really is a cool guy and would make a fiercely morally good congressman. I've met a few congressmen in my day, and he'd be a shimmering shining star in that firmament. Go Chris!

Kay said...

Wait, so doesn't that make him my 7th cousin twice removed or something? Actually, I don't know Chris but did know Ted and he was cool.

Kristina P. said...

Glenn Beck is in my brother's stake, in Texas. He came to their ward a couple months ago, and proceeded to be a pompous douchebag, apparently. So, like a regular day.

Garden of Egan said...

Can I get your autograph? I heard Glenn Beck speak once.
My kids tell Chuck Norris jokes.
So we are sorta related by marriage.

Mimi Sue said...

All I can say is WOW! I want an autograph too. Once I had lunch with Roseanne Barr. OK we had lunch in the same restaurant at the same time but still. I could tell she wanted to be my bff. Mimi