Wednesday, May 11, 2011

ROOT CANALS AND ROBOTS

First off, I'm getting a root canal today.

Am I worried?

Well, I wasn't until I went to sit with a friend of mine who was in a horrific accident a few weeks ago. He's still bed ridden and has rods of steel weaving in and out of his body, holding it together.

He's going in for another surgery today, and I said, "You know what? I'm getting a root canal today...but I bet you'd rather be getting a root canal than having surgery, huh?"

"Holy crap, a root canal?" he responds, reassuringly. "No, not really. I think I'd rather be having surgery." Yeah, so. Kind of worried, now that you mention it.

But that's not why I called. You know how I'm the inappropriate secretary for my women's group at church? Yes, well, one of my jobs is to set appointments for visits, and usually the best way to reach them is through email. And I like to add a special little 'cyber eye contact' with each note I send, to let them know, "Yes. I see you," without having to actually say or hear the words—which is what Hillary Weeks did to me in the stadium at the Women's Conference a couple of weeks ago.

Loud and clear, Hillary. Loud and clear.

Anyway, a lady in our ward just had a baby about 2 weeks ago, and she was already at church,with the baby, which I thought was weird. Now every week, Megan the darling teenager, sits with this woman during the meeting, to help her with her children. So I see Megan with the brand spankin' new baby in it's carrier~no cloth covering him or anything~again, weird. I could just see him from the side—wee little body with teeny tiny hands and feet—but what I saw looked precious. And Megan would take him out intermittently, which I thought was weird once again, because the new mother just sat there, practically ignoring her offspring.

Anyway, I send this note, "Hello there! I caught a peek of your baby at church the other day and he is just darling! Can we come visit you tomorrow?" She answers back yes, and we set the appointment. So I go to my Relief Society Presidency meeting this morning, to discuss important matters~things like my root canal and such. They seemed really interested, but changed the subject immediately. So I reached over and picked up that social cue, and started to regale them with how efficient I am at making appointments.

Me~"I made an appointment with Chayla. Can't believe she was at church already."

Maren~"Did you see how many times Megan had to take her robot baby out?"

Me~"Ha! I know! Wait, what? Robot baby."

Maren~"Yeah, Megan's robot baby from school. She's had it all weekend. She even had to bring it to church, and it would start to cry, so she took it out, like three times, during Sacrament."

Humiliating illumination.

Me~"OH! MY! HE$! YOU. ARE. KIDDING. ME!!! I THOUGHT THAT WAS CHAYLA'S NEW BABY, AND I TOLD HER I'D SEEN A PEEK OF HIM, AND HOW DARLING HE WAS! AAAGGHHHHH!!!! OH MY GOSH! AAAGGGHHHHH!!! NO WAY! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WAS A ROBOT BABY! NOW SHE THINKS I SAW THE ROBOT BABY AND THAT I THINK HE'S HERS AND WHY DIDN'T SHE SAY SOMETHING WHEN I MADE THE APPOINTMENT? I MEAN, I ONLY SAW HIS TEENY HANDS AND FEET AND I THOUGHT HIS FACE MUST BE CUTE, TOO, BECAUSE THEIR KIDS ARE TEENY AND CUTE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRUST ME TO MAKE APPOINTMENTS AND EMAIL CONTACT WITH MEMBERS OF OUR WARD!"

We had a good laugh.

And now I'm presently pre-employed.

Which is odd.

But Maren assures me you can be fired when you're a volunteer.

Who knew?

12 comments:

Natalie said...

HAHA!!! Who would have known?? I probably would have thought and said the exact same thing....thinking, "Stupid, stupid mom!!!" Seeing as I have a 2 week old myself and had a neighbor lady reach out to touch her...I clutched my precious to me and backed away so fast. Holy cow, what is becoming of me?????

Brittney said...

hahaha, that's funny... did the lady really have a newborn that she just didn't bring to church? Or did she not have a baby at all?

aubrey said...

That is awesome! Robot baby... hahaha!

I had a root canal last week and it really wasn't that bad... not that I wasn't freaking out and contemplating barfing on the dentist beforehand. Hope yours goes well.

Julianna said...

See, now, we did not have these mix ups when I had my egg baby in school... or when I had my bag o' flour baby either... which by the way one for "cutest baby". :)

Pezlady Jana said...

HAHAHAHA...Lisa, you never disappoint! I laughed my butt off! Well, at least I thought I did until I turned around and it was still there...but anyway, that IS funny!!

Lilian said...

This has me laughing loudly!

Also.... I WAS AT WOMENS CONF TOO!

Lisa said...

How did we not see each other, Lillian? Why didn't you search me out in the crowd? I mean, how hard could that have been? :)

And I'm not sure why, but when blogger went down the other day, all of my comments disappeared. Just know I didn't erase anyone's posts. Blogger has it out for me.

Lilian said...

Next year I shall search for you in the crowd... but perhaps I could convince your sister to let us meet in person one day before that!

.E. said...

bahahahahaahahah sorry but thats hysterical

Anonymous said...

Okay...I just come back to blueandshoe to read and RE-READ this entry!! I was feeling a little down today (on account of this beautiful weather) and I thought I'd come on here and read it again! Thanks for the laughs. That's right, I'm not laughing with you-I'm laughing AT you!!! Oh, and my grand(robot)baby IS beautiful!!! Anony :)

Krista said...

I think robot babies should be banned. It goes against the whole "avoid the appearance of evil" thing. Bwahaha!

Wilton Winrow said...

Wait...robot baby? Is Arnold Schwarzenegger in town? Hahaha, be careful, that might be a baby Terminator, LOL. Seriously though, root canal ain't that bad, thanks to modern anesthetics and procedures it's now less painful than ever. Good luck!