Thursday, June 17, 2010

DEMON WIND PIGGIES

TWO HUNDRED AND ONE, people. No, not my weight, darlings~my post. Geez, you're tactless. And yes, I know. The celebration loses some of it's excitement when the numbers don't end in 'double aught.' Which reminds me of the class of 2000 and how, when they had to cheer their numbers at high school assemblies, they came up with the uninspired, "DOUBLE AUGHT, DOUBLE AUGHT, DOUBLE, DOUBLE, DOUBLE AUGHT!"

"When did YOU graduate, Granddaddy?"

"Double aught."

"Huh?"

So yeah, they may have been gifted with the uber cool 'CLASS OF 2000' millenia awesomeness, but stunk it up bad with their class cheer.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.


And speaking of taking away, the damm hurricane winds came in last night and popped the heads off my rose blooms like they were thumbing Mentos out of the package. And I don't know about you, but as far as I can tell, just like evil spirits inhabiting the bodies of wild pigs, wind has no reason to live. WIND is a terrorist, friends. A cowardly towel headed terrorist~waiting until the darkest hours, coming out in the pitch black of the night and blowing things to smithereens while the victims lay bug-eyed in their beds, sensing death and destruction await them in the morning light.

And it's not like torrential rain, that actually brings nourishment in the wake of it's rule. Or the baking, blistering sun that may crack the earth, but also sends rays of hope, vitamin D and sun streaked tresses. Or the blizzarding snow, that has no sense of social cues and often overstays it's welcome~but brings along with it shimmering white crystals and life sustaining juices. See, all of these have purpose under the Heavens. But wind? Nothin'.

Big.
fat.
double.
aught.

All that's left to do is wait impatiently for Wind to run screaming and squealing over the sharp cliffs to the rushing waters below, ending their crappy hog lives in a blaze of glory. Like Thelma and Louise.



Die, little demon wind piggies, die.












10 comments:

Jennifer said...

I woke up in the night to the sound of something rolling across my rooftop... I'm pretty sure it was something more than one of your roses but let me know if you are missing anything else over there. I have searched and cannot find whatever it was.

McClendon said...

Oh, you are so wise - and this is so true.

Kate said...

201 if you don't lay off the Dr. Pepper. I'm watching you.


XOXO!

I was coveting my neighbor's pretty and fancy canopy thingamajig that gave them lovely shade on their deck, and then the wind flipped it over yesterday and dumped it on the side of their house, nearly into the road, and so now I am sending the wind a thank you note.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Double 00.
Yeah, I was the class of ZERO, doesn't sound so good when you put it that way.

Class of 94 baby.

All the WAY.
:)

Kara Elmore said...

why am i not on your blog list/?

Lisa said...

Because you never update your blog. Duh.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I would just like to know what books you read as a child Lisa!!!

The whole time I read my head just shakes back and forth like a bobble head...it doesnt even know where this comes from, its in disbelief and awe.

I know you have good parents.

My head still bobbing...hilarious and unbelievable!

Sunshine said...

Preach it sister...preach.. Hallelujah Jesus!

I to am disgusted by the wind.

belch!

Sunshine said...

and, me never was learned how to use punctuation!

Jackie said...

MMM. Mentos.