Anyway, JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, Lisa got started on her Christmas shopping today. Not willingly, mind you, so put the seething, "Commercialization of the holiday season has RUINED Jesus' and my life" retort in your files for a later infraction. Nope, it was pure necessity, as while YOU have been lying about, shoving candy corns onto your two front teeth and replenishing your stock of vanishing 'trick or treat' candy~don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about~we missionary moms with elders serving in FREAKING BRAZIL are gathering up in our vintage aprons the entire festive holiday season that takes other, less gifted women, all of November and December to accumulate.
Then we wrap every carefully chosen item individually, and mail it all off in ENORMOUS, SPACIOUS 3 inch deep x 9 inch wide boxes ($50 each)...only to be embezzled by corrupt South American postal workers.
I'm considering one of two things, in order to keep the bast......rombone player's filthy, pilfering paws out of our loot. One~offering up a 24 hour fast. Two~offering up my 10 year old daughter as a human sacrifice.
If the postal gods require it, people, who am I to argue?
Either way, I'm going to need your help. Now go get the duct tape~it's in the junk drawer.
Geez, you guys are so suspicious! I meant for my mouth.
24 hours is a really long time.