Monday, October 11, 2010

CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER

I just LOVE me some Berenstain Bears, don't you? And boy, did they know how to grow a pumpkin or what? Some mad cartoon farming skills.

Anyway, JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, Lisa got started on her Christmas shopping today. Not willingly, mind you, so put the seething, "Commercialization of the holiday season has RUINED Jesus' and my life" retort in your files for a later infraction. Nope, it was pure necessity, as while YOU have been lying about, shoving candy corns onto your two front teeth and replenishing your stock of vanishing 'trick or treat' candy~don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about~we missionary moms with elders serving in FREAKING BRAZIL are gathering up in our vintage aprons the entire festive holiday season that takes other, less gifted women, all of November and December to accumulate.

Then we wrap every carefully chosen item individually, and mail it all off in ENORMOUS, SPACIOUS 3 inch deep x 9 inch wide boxes ($50 each)...only to be embezzled by corrupt South American postal workers.

I'm considering one of two things, in order to keep the bast......rombone player's filthy, pilfering paws out of our loot. One~offering up a 24 hour fast. Two~offering up my 10 year old daughter as a human sacrifice.

What?

If the postal gods require it, people, who am I to argue?

Either way, I'm going to need your help. Now go get the duct tape~it's in the junk drawer.

What?

Geez, you guys are so suspicious! I meant for my mouth.

24 hours is a really long time.

16 comments:

Krista said...

Too bad I'm not going to Brazil. I would totally take it there myself. It's the thought that counts and I'm a very thoughtful person.

Garden of Egan said...

Good luck with the brazil thing. Sounds like this early shopping spree should put you in THE MOOD to continue the season all year long.

Sorry, I used the duct tape on my hubby.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Oh the magic missionary moms are to perform!

The Damsel In Dis Dress said...

I was doing exactly that a handful of years ago, including smashing a tacky one-foot-tall Christmas tree into that box.

This year I have a stateside missionary, so nanny-nanny-boo-boo.

The Martos Fudge said...

Man, I hope they don't mess with your box. wrap it with saints gift paper, and put the Lord's Prayer on the sides... I love the Holidays. I should start shopping too, that way I don't end up with a ton of debt from just one month, I can spread the damage.

Natalie said...

Don't be selfish once you've finished shopping for Ash.... I want you to get a heads up on all the fabulous things you are getting me this year. :) As we all know, no one shops and gives gifts better than you!! :)

Kara Elmore said...

OOOO do you remember what we used to do to Nate's packages being sent to Mexico??? We would write in Spanish "HEY you dirty postal worker ... DO NOT steal this money. You will ROT IN HELL." And I'm sure the ones who DID steal DID rot in hell. Mostly I like writing that.

ANYWAY ... so you're telling me that all the wonderfulness you do for CHristmas takes months in prep and you don't just do it all on Christmas EVE like ME? Yes - I must be more talented than you. Either that or my one box of decor only takes that long. I bet you're praying I don't have you for Christmas this year, right???

T said...

WV says reinatin... which sounds suspiciously like "reign it in"... although I think in your case that advice will go unheeded.

perhaps the advice was meant for the brazilian postal workers?

reasonably chubby said...

So, yes, I totally DID have candy corn stuck in my two front teeth. You know me so well!

Cherie said...

Oh yeah I haven't had to do that in a few years but TOTALLY YES when you are a missionary mom Christmas starts extra early.
I learned something today - don't put a spray aerosol can in the box or it will blow up on the plan - Could be funny - Just sayin'!

Stef said...

Oh yes. Those packages are the lifelines for missionaries. I was one of them. Only a sister may be against the rules... You know how they are about sisters and elders.

Sherry said...

I've heard if you put Jesus stickers and crosses on it, they leave those packages alone.
Just a thought. :)

Jackie said...

24 hours sans candy corn. Yikes.

See Mom Smile said...

Can't wait to have a missionary to send to to and have it stolen. And, have started my Christmas shopping. I think Jesus understands.

Salt H2O said...

How about your mom makes you a great Christmas package, sends it in October but you get transferred two days before Christmas and your former Zone leader (aka clueless, well intentioned but kind of thoughtless 19 year old boy) could care less that he has Hermana Welch's Christmas package and so you have to continually berate this elder each time you see him at Mission functions asking why the heck did he forget your Christmas package again even though it's freakin' March and he could have totally given it to your Zone leader at their weekly meetings except he's too lazy to carry it on a bus so you end up celebrating Christmas in Easter- which makes more sense anyhow because that is really when Jesus was born.

cindy-stitches-n-stuff.blogspot.com said...

Hi Lisa, my youngest son served in Argentina. We made an agreement that we would put money in his ATM account and he could get what he needed. We did and it worked out good. At christmas time, he bought gifts for the missionaries in his Zone. I was glad for his thoughtfulness but I fill bad now nowing that he was the only one not getting packages. WOW! would I do it that way over again? I don't know.

big hug
cindy@stitches