Lie~"Allergy/cold/flu medicine leaves you feeling drowsy, therefore, go ahead and expect a decent night sleep."
Truth~Except for you, Lisa. You get to experience the amusing side effect of having your face fall asleep and tingle with pins and needles, leading you to claw and slap at your nose every few minutes. All. Night. Long.
Lie~"A bag of sugar snap peas is good for you. It's roughage. Helps digestion."
Truth~Except for you, over 40 woman. Your bag of peas will pass the evening hours by inflating fat cells with their gassy pea emissions, making balloon animals and tucking them into cracks and crevices throughout your guts. They think it's funny.
Lie~(not an announcement) "Pregnancy is a joy. It lasts but nine months, you're only sick in the morning, and that ends in the first three months. After that, you're livin' the dream."
Truth~Except for you, darling Kate and Erica...and every other woman in the world, except the chick they interviewed for the study. Ever hear of "the spits?" That's when you have an aversion to your own pregnancy spittle, and can't swallow it without puking, thereby leading you to carry around a box of Kleenex everywhere you go, in which to discard your excess saliva, which also results in enormous, chapped monkey lips.
Ever hear of "color sick?" That's when you can't stand to look at certain colors~the more vibrant=the more nauseous. So like, you can't look at/walk past/sit on your jewel tone couch. Or wear your new pink Avon lipstick. Or shove that purple and red shirt in the back of your closet fast enough.
And finally, ever hear of "crouching down on all fours in the gravel of a country road, and vomiting so hard that your nose starts to bleed, and the only thing your husband can find to help you mop up your face is an oil rag from his tool box?"
So yeah, I totally lived that dream. The TEN-NOT NINE-MONTH DREAM, people.
BUT...for a parting gift, you get this really fun baby. And it smells like love. And when you kiss it's neck, a memory sweep is performed, (kissy sniff) leaving you doubting (sniff, love) whether it was really (sniff) as bad (kissy kiss) as you made it sound, (kiss, sniff, kiss) all those symptoms you complained of earlier. (sniff, sniff, kissy squeeze) Let's do it again!
Anyway, those are just the lies that were told today. And since I have a very discerning spirit, I was able to see them for what they were, roll my eyes and write a blog about them, once again, for you. Because I'm a giver.