Thursday, September 30, 2010

PIG PLUGS

Did I mention I'm in charge of our ward Roadshow? Well, I am. Just FYI~a Roadshow is a traveling 15 minute play, like old Vaudeville. It's been years since we've had them~and I'm not sure why, other than the fact that it was an incredible TIME, MONEY, EFFORT, CREATIVITY SUCKER. But really fun. Back in the day it required about 100 people behind the scenes, involved the entire 12-18 age group to perform on stage and we spent 4-6 months practicing lines, musical numbers and choreography. Add to it another few months for set design, props and costuming and a budget of gobs and gobs. So truly, a FANTASTIC affair.

My, how times have changed.

I have three weeks, people. THREE. And a hunnerd bucks. A HUNNERD. And they want the entire ward involved (400 people). And we can't practice on the stage, on account of our building doesn't have a stage. And my main lead is on a cruise~besides which, I haven't quite gotten around to asking her to be the main lead. And I'm going to South Carolina for a week, returning just in time for the performance. And it's in three weeks, people. THREE.

And did I mention I'm in charge? Just like I was in charge of teaching my missionary son to change his bed sheets every week. Just like I was in charge of my own diet, nutrition and exercise for the last 42 years. Just like I was in charge of teaching my boys to check for black heads in their ear canals.

Two words~EPIC FAIL.

But I'll think about that tomorrow, Scarlet. Today, I'm filling my gray matter with gibberish. Like this stuff~

I just finished reading The Count of Monte Cristo. Freakin' AWESOME! But sadly, I now consider the movie so dumbed down that I have to black out my teeth and say "ain't," to watch it.

I finally decorated my house for fall. Hard. But a batch of homemade caramel helped the medicine go down. Mary Poppins taught me that.

I bought two new pieces of antique furniture, because my every happiness depended upon them. I'm always on the look out for my every happiness. Often, I find it in diamonds, but not this time. Weird.

I Zumba'd this morning, and surprised everybody, by totally ROCKING the new routine, on account of there were some seriously smutty dance moves. And apparently, I was born to dance lewdly at the break of dawn.

I'm going to lunch with some dear friends who have missionary holes in their hearts. We've concluded about the only way to heal heart holes, is to fill them with sweet pork. A little pig plug, if you will.

And I think that's about it. Roadshow worries are suffocating underneath the nonsense. Now hopefully, angels will pick up where I left off, and it will be a brilliant success.

If not, well, let us consider this a missionary/roadshow skin infection, as a result of dirty sheets/three weeks and a hunnerd bucks worth of prep.

That'll teach 'em.

13 comments:

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Oh Lisa...I got a serious knot in my gut reading this 400 ward member,$100 bucks, leading lady on cruise, and realize how YOUR reputation is on the line.

Thank goodness for Scarlet, carmels and Mary poppins...and for relying on Angels that surely will pick you up and 400 ward members.
You had all the right teachings for this new assignment.

Enjoy lunch and your new antiques... and it will be wonderful. Whats the theme?

T said...

laughing...

and wondering whether or not you can get away with purchasing a hunnerd bucks worth of sweet pork and handing it out to the audience in lieu of an actual performance.

annie said...

I have got to know where you are zumbaing - I need to see these moves!

One Cluttered Brain said...

Yay for Zumba! Shake those hips why don't ya?
Road show? Your ward still does that?
i haven't been a ward that still does that for a while.
I'm moving near you.
That'd be entertaining to watch to say the least.
Good luck organizing it and all. Maybe you and everyone involved could Zumba...

Kara Elmore said...

LOOK NO FURTHER THAN YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.

For the lead in the roadshow, that is. I mean - REALLY - was there ANY Other person meant to play THE LEAD! LET ME REMIND you of my BEST ACTRESS IN UTAH award ... true. 1994. The year of Kara. And let me remind you I was STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT. Yes. Not sure what that has to do with it ... but it MUST be helpful in your quest. AND LET ME LASTLY remind you that I have PREVIOUSLY served (generously I might add) as the LEAD in the 9th ward ROADSHOW. sans stretchmarks/4 kids. Yes - Eve cast me. But of course they all said! Pick a little talk a little pick a little talk a little ... pick pick pick - talk a lot talk a lot!

hmmmm hm! That's right.

Now - where was I??? Ohhhh ya - you're 42??

Anonymous said...

I think I'm a little offended on account of I THOUGHT I WAS THE LEAD!!! Geez, let the cute, SKINNY girl upstage me! I guess I'm not worth as much as I thought I was. I'm hungry--where's one of my cows? Anony :/

Lisa said...

Anony, you're the CHARACTER ACTRESS. Which, as everyone knows, is the BEST part! Duh! You'll probably win an award...maybe a handful of Chiclets, too. I think they say that babies, animals and Mahanas always steal the show. So, put away that cow and carry on! CARRY ON, I SAY!

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cindy-stitches-n-stuff.blogspot.com said...

OMGosh, how fun. You are perfect as the director. Do you have to write your own show? I was snickered into being the director of the roadshow when we were living in Macon GA. My husband had told them that he couldn't, so they came after me. I didn't know! John ended up writting the show anyway. "PINBALL OKIEO".

I understand how you feel, like you want to mess your pants and flip it all over those people that recomended you.

Ya know, ward roadshow are kinda like ward choirs. The Lord supports them and his angles step in at the end.

Good Luck getting the cast to come to practice.

Your amazing, thanks for you sweet comment on my blog.

big hugs
cindy@stitches

Brandi said...

I'm not sure even the NAM within us could help in 3 weeks. I feel for ya :)

Jackie said...

I assume this will be keeping you insanely busy. Barf. Sounds...awesome...

Lisa S said...

I just found your blog. You are a crack up. I loved loved loved road shows back in the day...lets say early 70's My ward always won for best original music....Lex deAzevedo lived in my ward and wrote the music for it. Please write about your play. and post some pictures too!

Krista said...

I think I don't want to be you anymore. I'll just be a VT and call it good for now. I'm thinking about being active next year when church starts a little later.