Thursday, December 9, 2010


A friend of ours went in for a biopsy tonight on a rather large mole. Just decided it didn't look right as he climbed into the shower, and made the appointment THAT VERY MINUTE to have it checked.

Said the Dr. used something akin to a cookie cutter to stamp out a piece of the tissue, then sewed it up like a puckered balloon.

Dr.~"Come on in next week, and I'll take the stitches out for you."

Him~"Naw. I can do it myself."

Dr. gives friend a seam ripper tool, which he is looking forward to using on his own basted skin.

Now several things stand out to me here, regarding the GLARING DISPARITY I see between me and this brave knight. First, if I had noticed a 'not right' mole on Princess Lisa, I'd have spent up to 8 months of tortured, sleepless nights, fraught with despair over the impending Dr.'s visit.

Worries like, "Oh my holy junk, he's going to think it's my fault...that I grew this mole on purpose! He'll probably want to check my entire body for freckles and rogue tumors, which will bring to light my taffy abdomen and weathered breasts and such. I wonder if they can give me a local for the physical? Maybe a piggy snout of laughing gas or something? Course then I'd be out of control, laughing and naked under a paper napkin on the exam table...until I start coughing. And then I'd pee a little. You know, now that I think about it, maybe it's okay to die of a malignant mole. I mean, really, I've had a pretty good life. Kids are older and don't need me so much. Plus, people have been jerks to me lately and I really think I might be done. No, really."

Beyond that, I'd be compelled to take up drinking, so as to get liquored up enough to simply MAKE the appointment, as well as to actually keep it. Also, so I wouldn't be aware or care how much coughing, laughing or piddling went on. And the seam ripper? Yeah, no. Just, no.

So those are just the most obvious chasms separating this friend and me. And sure, one of us will likely live long and prosper, while the other may, well, okay, not. But she kind of feels it's better to leave them wanting more.

Plus, she's sure that's a beauty mark. (pretty sure)


Kara Elmore said...

uhhhhh so is it wrong that I just peed a little bit (a lot) reading this!?!?!?!??!!?

I say the difference is that your gown you will wear while they check your moles/tumors over will be sparkling and pink. His is is stupid brown.

Anonymous said...

Honestly...I laughed and laughed reading this....great post!

Holly said...

OMG!! If I hadn't JUST peed, I probably WOULD HAVE! BAHAHA!!! Now I KNOW you understand the mind racing think a little. Mine would continue into I'm going to die a painful death... at THEIR HANDS. If I ignore it, it will be slow and graceful. ;p ANYWAY... I, my 13yo and hubby need appointments. I am supposed to make those appointments. EVERY DAY hubby reminds me multiple times. Finally today I said, "I don't want to!" HAH!! Ain't communication GRAND??

Well, Princess Lisa, if it's on you it's DEFINITELY a beauty mark!! On me... a WART!


.E. said...

so so true.. I would rather die then go to the Dr for something that I deem embarassing.. whats wrong with us as woman?? wonderful post dearest Lisa...

Happy Holidays too girl


Amberlee said...

Simply hilarious. Just what I needed today. You know I could help but think of a very DEAR friend of mine that darkened a little mole (and or zit) on her face for years, making it a beauty mark. We always wondered why it wandered...

Just a bed of roses said...

Don't ever give up Lisa, even if your kids don't need you any more...cause your peeps need you so we can Pee laugh.

This IS FUNNY, I mean so funny, laughter from me just got louder and louder and louder.

Must be a little Christmas stress?

Kara Elmore said...

uhhh AMBERLEE - it WAS a beauty mark. And LISA said so .. it was NOT a zit - even though Adie thought it was. I promise.

I think. It's all a blur really.