Tuesday, December 7, 2010

ELEPHANT POOH HAIR

You know how we always talk about opposition? As in, "There must be opposition in all things." Yeah, well, so since I looked smashing on Sunday, extra care with hair and makeup because we went to my sister's ward for her baby's blessing, and it's time to represent, you know? Can't have her neighborhood thinkin' she's a hick and comes from cousin marriage. Anyway, the next day I evened things right out. On account of I let my hair air dry.

Or should I say "error dry".

Yes, it was a mistake, friends. Anyone with a teaspoon of hair has no business letting a light breeze be in charge. But I thought I deserved it. I was tired and decided to rebel against personal standards and good judgement. As soon as I realized what a miscalculation it was, I tried to remedy the situation. But that only made it tap its foot and roll it's hair eyeballs at me. I tried ponytails, bobby pins, chiffon scarves and heavy eye makeup. The tapping got even louder.

Sterling came home and Julia came home and Chris came home and Seth came home and not one of them looked me in the eye. They just kind of stared questioningly at what was hanging limp and feverish across my forehead. Eventually, I mentioned the elephant in the room, but not before it left a steaming pile of hair pooh, that everyone had tried to avoid. Finally, I just took my bra off and put my robe back on. It was clear I was going nowhere.

So what do we learn from this, people? That Satan is a filthy liar. That's right. Stay with me here~see, Satan is always screaming for us to be free! And the only way we can be free is to disobey...parents, religious leaders, commandments, laws, promptings from the spirit...Lucifer spouts off that they bring us down and we're being led like sheep.

Yeah, well, shut it, Satan. Because from what I experienced yesterday, obedience brings freedom, not fetters. I disobeyed my own principles and went rogue for the day, and look what it brought me...A BRA-LESS SHACKLING TO MY HOME, WITHOUT EVEN THE POWER TO REPLENISH MY DWINDLING CHOCOLATE STASH!

And Satan laughed.

So don't tell me that steaming elephant pooh hair is the way to live your life. It's not. We deserve much more than that.

And I will be the one to laugh at Satan, not the other way around!

Na, na, na na na! (sticking fingers in ears and tongue out) (Now I'm wiggling my bum at him. He hates that the most!)

8 comments:

Holly said...

So THAT'S what I have!! LOL!! Actually, I rarely use a hair dryer as my hair goes all medusa AFRO on me. LOL! Maybe I need a fancier KIND of hair dryer... or something... I'll let you know if that ever pans out.

Oh come on Princess!! You're adorable when you get out of BED! ;p

((HUGS))

T said...

you crack me UP!

mine I have to air dry... there is a very brief window of time between the washing and it being too late to add my spider-web (some hair product... don't know what it's called...) that makes it just right.

as for "opposition in all things" that's what I tell people if I'm in their way. Yeah, doesn't always go over well, but it gets a laugh at church. and really... we need to laugh more at church right?

Julianna said...

Yeah... regardless, I still don't think it's a good idea to taunt Satan...you could wake up bald. Just thinking out loud here.

Mimi Sue said...

I've been known to wander all over Davis County with my hair in very bad shape, no makeup, and my sweat pants sagging. That's because my dh makes me go to the gym with him so very early in the morning. Most days I'm lucky (and so is everyone else at the gym) if I've remembered my bra! Do not let your husband retire too early!! Mimi

Stef said...

Oh. My. Gosh!!! You are so funny! How does your mind come up with these things. Love it!!!

The Martos Fudge said...

I love how at the midst of the funny story there is a really good lesson. thanks for reminding me. hahah

Kelly and Sara said...

So funny! I love your stories :)

Jackie said...

Thank you for linking to this post. AMAZING.

I need to come into town for another Lisa fix!