Tuesday, December 21, 2010

SATAN BALLS

Hey, so guess what I'm eating? Little balls of chocolate, butter and sin. Satan balls. Compliments of the lovely, effervescent as a glass of pure carbonation, Heather. Even her name sounds like soft, purpley flowers in warm summer breezes. And she has cotton candy hair, just like me. Some of you know what I'm talking about (Missy). We really ought to just dye it pink, except then people would likely try to grab a wad and shove it in their mouths when we pass by. But that would probably only be at Lagoon and Disneyland and such.

Anyway, guess how much that bad news is costing us? SEVEN. FREAKING. GRAND. PEOPLE. That's right. And if you've been with me from the beginning, you'll recognize this as an exact carbon copy of this time last year.

And right after swallowing that chunk of glee, poor, dear husband came home with anxiety dripping out of his nose pores, on account of this guy named Jack~last name Ass~goes by the nickname Dumb~heehawing that he wanted his name removed from the records of our business. I KNOW! Like we hadn't already excommunicated Jack eons ago. Moron.

So anyway. That's all I got. Well, that and a gaggle full of blessings that I'm choosing to ignore. Because 'TIS THE SEASON, friends. Even though I have a life full of goodness, I'm sitting on Santa's lap and whispering that it's just not enough.

I want a Red Ryder BB gun, too.

That shoots Satan balls.



11 comments:

Jackie said...

Wow. 7 thousand must be your lucky number.

Ouch. Sorry.

Holly said...

WHOA!!! That IS WHACKED!!! I'm SO SORRY!!! We could take my boys' Red Ryders and go find something... ANYTHING to SHOOT!! Shall we??? Mr Donkey's may be just what is needed!!! TINK!!! TINK!!! (((HUGS)))

Garden of Egan said...

For a second I thought you were eating Santa Balls.....tis the season ya know.

Wow. Sorry about Jack lastnameAss.
Nothing like the Grinch that Steals Christmas.

Hugs and loves to you anyways, on accounta I think you rock with your purple cotton candy hair.

Just a bed of roses said...

This would be SO AWEFUL if you hadn't written it so laugh out loud stinkin funny...

Hope Santa doesn't run out of red rider bbguns before my house cause I'm askin'for one...just in case Mr. Jack A. stops in my place too.

Dick just threatens by phone.

Julianna said...

$7K... Ouch!

Tis the season all right...

The Martos Fudge said...

I am SOOOO SORRY, here i am complaining about little things, I hope you get it all figured out. And somehow find a money tree. Don't you just love how every thing seams to fall apart in DEC? I really wish you had Satan's Balls cause if you did I would want a turn at whacking them he deserves the pain.

Mimi Sue said...

Wouldn't it be cheaper just to buy a used RV and set it up in the backyard and run out there when you need to shower? Problem solved and you're welcome. Mimi

Sandra said...

...eewww....ouch...I think you need more sugar to numb the shock and pain...

Just a bed of roses said...

Did the sisters show up lisa...with their steaming hot cups?

Cherie said...

OUCH!!! It's bad enough without happening at Christmas. You deserve to shoot satan balls.

Good to see you keeping your sense of humor through it all.

Anonymous said...

I love you Lis, you made my whole stinkin' week...Merry Christmas! Heather