Well hells bells. Can I just say that is NOT how I wanted to start my new year? Here I've spent all this time sprinkling glitter, high heels and polka dots across every surface I own, including this blog, just so that I might draw attention away from the issue at hand. But then, when I'm at my most vulnerable, it hits me right between the eyes. It's almost too painful to relive, but for you...my blessed blog peeps...I will. Only because I know you won't pass unrighteous judgement on me, on account of I have all kinds of surveillance footage of you, so, you know...anyway, here goes. (eyes closed, deep breath and pursing lips)
There I was, daintily flopping out of my festive, New Years Day shower, when what to my wandering eyes should appear, but a REFLECTION OF MY NEKKED, THREE TIERED MIDSECTION GLORY~POST HOLIDAY SEASON GLUT AND HOARK! Seems some INSANE LUNATIC positioned my vanity mirror in just such a way, as to capture the essence of shame and regret that IS Princess Lisa at this time of year.
Holy Shiz is right!
There aren't enough forks in the world to stab in my eyes after that offense. Plus, it was horrifying enough to burn right through the denial portion of my brain, and lodge itself in 'long term damage'.
Anyway, I don't know who it was, but there's no way that was an accident. I think we can all agree that it's highly likely I've angered some gods here and there. Or, quite possibly, Satan himself...especially after that whole "Las Vegas" post last Spring.
But whatever. It is what it is, and I take none of it back. However, I have learned my lesson, folks~No more mirrors. That's right. Not even compact. I kind of think that's why Vampires are eternal~clearly, they understand the connection between reflected fanny fat and death. See, mirrors=unflattering images=stress=shortened life span=corpse in a coffin. So remove the mirrors, bring on eternal life.
Glad I could help guide you through the nuances of my logic. Feel free to ask me some other stuff, but not right now. I'm busy busting mirrors.
Gosh, I feel prettier already.
And surprisingly thin.
No way to prove otherwise, so it must be true. ;)