THE FEAST

So I'm feeling a little bit unprepared lately (think "haven't been to class all term, can't open your locker, have no underwear on and keep doing cartwheels down the corridors, it's the final exam, your teeth keep falling out, you're back at your old place of employment, you give birth but didn't realize you were pregnant and then forget to feed the baby for weeks, you're giving the lesson in church but can't...quite...make...it...there..." kind of unprepared)~as Thanksgiving is next week...and I'm hosting...and I may have spent a great deal of time lately perfecting the "unfocused wander."

This has given my thought paparazzi quite a lot to assault me with, but I do my best to silence them with sleeping pills. However, sometimes a really aggressive scream will make it through the fog and I'll have to mull and fret.

So after extensive editing, here is my list of "must do's" that I've come up with and remember, I have a full six days left to do it in...seven, if you count the morning of, so I need your input as to on a scale of 1-10, where would my time be best spent?

Of course, all of these things are pressing and have seriously...and I'm not even kidding...been in my mind as to needing or shoulding be done~before Thanksgiving.

Let us begin...

1. Deep clean the garage.

2. Deep clean the entire house.

3. Paint the house~interior and exterior.

4. Create a Thanksgiving play list of favorite holiday tunes.

5. Redecorate the basement.

6. Have family pictures done and portraits hung on walls.

7. Have carpets cleaned.

8. Resurface all wood floors.

9. Replace kitchen formica with marble.

10. Sew matching silk shantung dresses for daughter and me.

11. Have new custom mantle created, installed and painted.

12. Buy all Christmas presents.

13. Create "theme" tables, with coordinating runners, china and silverware.

14. Sew matching Stewart plaid vests and ties for hubbie and sons.

15. Blog about my list of to-do's.

16. Lose 18 pounds.

(That last one was me takin' it down a notch as I originally said 20, but then I thought, you know, that might send me over the edge, so I'll drop it to 18~just keepin' it real.)

Anyway, I figure after finishing up this list of essentials, I can concentrate on the periphery...like the feasting.

Which brings me to the next question~on a scale of one to ten, where does the Thanksgiving MEAL actually fall? Is it really all that?

Because I'm thinking, the possibility of someone rummaging through my nightstand (therefore it had better be so FREAKIN' organized as to make Martha Stewart peuce green) just might set the holiday spread on the back burner~at least until a couple hours before the guests arrive...(Can you nuke a turkey? How about peas, potatoes, rolls, gravy, yams, pumpkin pie and the relish tray?)

Alright. Okay. I think I'm on top of this.

That's not sweat.

It's just really, really EXTRA warm in here...isn't it?

Hell's Bell's, people.

WHO TURNED THE HEAT UP TO "ROAST?"