Because I'm a Christian.
So, hey, if I'm just trying to be a light on a hill and not hide it under a bushel, I'm simply following the teachings of Jesus, right? It's a talent, and we're supposed to be good stewards over these talents, so that we can get even more~and you guys know I'm kind of a hoarder and greedy, which means I want "ADDITIONAL" of everything...including talents. And probably Heavenly Father will bless me for being so righteous and making caramels~or sharing my talents as we've come to realize~by somehow altering the chemical makeup of the ingredients and rearranging it to have a "negative calorie" effect.
You know, the way Diet Coke works when it's eaten with a candy bar.
And everyone knows He's the best scientist in the Universe, and the elements obey Him, which seems to be working in my favor with this whole caramel thing.
So...just to be clear...that must mean that I will most likely get thinner because I'm following Jesus!
DO YOU SEE THE GLORY OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER'S PLAN, PEOPLE? I'm telling you, it's BRILLIANT!
Just like me, as I continue to let my light shine in making (and eating) caramels, because I want to be just like Him.
And I want to be thin.
And apparently, this is the only way it can be done.