Wednesday, December 16, 2009

COMPOSURE WIPE-OUT

A few things worth mentioning:

1) Putting on mascara (or any eye makeup, for that matter) the morning that you watch your weeping children embrace and say heart-ripping-out-of-chest goodbyes, for two years, is just plain denial.

2) Cocky mothers who mock other mothers for weeping are only setting themselves up for composure wipe-outs~the Lesson Teaching Angels (they're the ones who used to be tattle-tells on the playground before they died) make sure of that.

3) I've run out of moisture~squirted every last drop out of my face. And even though every other thing on me~including eyes, ears, lips and fingers~shriveled and shrank like a grape to a raisin from the dehydration, my nose become even MORE bulbous...and enlarged...and discolored...and shiny. I screamed that it was unfair while I swiped furiously at it with powder, but nobody thought it was their job to listen. Jerks.

4) And speaking of jerks, some foolish (and when I say foolish, that is me being TERRIBLY generous, because what I'd really like to call this fool is not very Christlike~and is probably more like an offensive curse word that would make you question my upbringing) people might think, that rather than feel the emotional angst that accompanies such an act as letting your eldest child go and serve his God for two years...that they can instead bandage the gaping wound with stacks of twenties~and it won't hurt as bad.

So, for instance, they might go buy some ASININE and staggeringly expensive item~without even whispering their intentions into their eternal companion's ear~and THEN act surprised when angry slit eyes show up on her face.

5) Fools should never, ever, ever be surprised to find themselves locked out of houses after bandaging wounds with dollar bills.



6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Uh-oh....what did he buy?

I thought about you all day yesterday. I heard from your 3rd son that everyone cried except for husband and 2nd son. I asked "don't they have any tear ducts"? Nope, I guess not!

Hang in there :)

Love you....Anony

kara elmore said...

I have proof that son #2 cried. At least I THINK he cried Tuesday night. I passed him some tissue JUST IN CASE he wanted to cry. Maybe he was trying to be strong. BUT - knowing how conservative our family is, he was probably not crying so that he wouldn't use up any more tissue so the trees wouldn't be cut down, so there weren't any other owls who would lose their homes in the trees cutting down, ........

oops - where was I???

You won. I thought I WON ... but oh no - YOU WON! :)

Lisa said...

Anony,

He bought a BRAND NEW, FREAKIN' MOTORCYCLE. And lost two grand just drivin' if off the lot. Brilliant financial move.

And boy #2 and husband did actually cry, just not drooling and howling. Seth's emotions are worn on his sleeve, so more readily apparent. We all fell to pieces, just some were jigsaw puzzles (me, Seth and Jules) and the others were pre-K simple~easier to put back together. :)

Anonymous said...

Apparently my husband was trying to console your husband last night and Dave said that he, too, would buy something expensive when our first son leaves on his mission. I said "that's right, a GRAND PIANO!" Kinda tired of spending money on testostarone(y) (sp?) motorcycle toys! Time to move on....I want something for me that will last for years and be a family heirloom. Ooooo....that's a good one.....family heirloom. I believe I will be using that at my next attempt to get my piano!!! Anony

Lisa said...

Yeah! An heirloom would have made my angry slit eyes open up with tender emotion and love for a sensitive husband seeking for more blessed music in our home.

Apparently, lacking foresight on that one.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Oh...this is just hilarious...I mean about the husband buy a motorcycle all on his own!!!

It is a howling experience to send a son on a mission...don't blame you one bit.

So how long was your husband locked out of the house??? Me...I would have changed the locks, but then he would of found a way in.