Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Having a hard time remembering why I chose to be a mother. And to celebrate the Christmas season. And to be born...as all three of these things seem to have brought me to a place of tremendous stress lately and I don't know who is in charge...because CERTAINLY it couldn't and really SHOULDN'T be me...so there has obviously been a mistake made somewhere down the line, people, and we'll be needing to fix this...immediately.

Plus our furnace broke (yay!) And there will be workmen over here for the next three days, (yay) drilling new gas lines, (yay) cutting holes in sheet rock (yay) carrying old dead metal away and bringing in new, fresh, fantastically expensive alloys (yay, yay, yay~in fact, $7,000 worth of yay!) And all the while this is going on, they will carefully remove their sludge covered work boots and shod themselves with ballet slippers, tiptoeing everywhere they go.

Was that a chortle I heard? I didn't think so. (angry slit eyes)

And yes, I know that I've been a ball o' whine, lately. (Similar to a ball o' twine, but not as much fun to be around and kittens aren't nearly as attracted to it.) And I also know that I run the risk of alienating my BBFF's...even though you committed to stick with me through thick and thin (even calling me thin when I'm decidedly thick) when you accepted my friendship terms...(you were a little tipsy when you signed the contract, but I'm betting you can't prove that in court. Just sayin'.)

So because of our mutual respect and love, I will try to smother my rising blood pressure stats (where's a down filled pillow?) and Plaster of Paris a smile on the lower half of my face...but it will not reach my eyes, friends. It will not reach my eyes.

Which doesn't really matter, since I've covered them with my hands, anyway.

"Oh my gosh, where did Lisa go? She's vanished into thin air!" (much more flattering than thick air.)

Hint: My favorite and oft used childhood theory~if I can't see them, they can't see me. Thus, I've disappeared.

Now, go find out who is supposed to be in charge and ask them all your stupid questions.

1 comment:

kara elmore said...

HAHAHA - I thought you wrote: "which is more flattering than THICK HAIR!" YAY!

This is SO funny ... you're funny. Do you have an audience? Do "others" know about this FAN FARE/FAIR (like I know!!!!). Because they probably don't. And they have others do photos and such. But OHH you're funny. Even if they don't know it/REFUSE to notice it. bloody.

btw - I'll be there sooooon.