Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A GOOD DAY

Hi.

In case you couldn't tell, that was said kind of muffled and plugged-nose like. That's cuz I have a wad of toilet paper shoved up inside my nostril, since I have a bloody nose. Might need to be cauterized, as it doesn't seem to be slowing down. Which makes me smiley all over, people!

And I'm having a hard time typing, because there are shards of metal hanging out of my pointer finger, for some unknown-to-me reason. I said I don't know. What? You think I am fully self-aware aaallll of the time? Well I'm not. Sometimes shards of metal get stabbed into pointer fingers and nobody knows how they got there. They just announce their presence with razor sharp pain.

And don't act like that's never happened to you. Ever had a mysterious bruise? And not just a wee little baby brown one. Like a MONSTER SIZED, PURPLE, GREEN, YELLOW, RED AND BLUE LESION that you don't even KNOW you have until someone says, "Holy hell, what happened there?" And then you either have to admit you're just like me and don't necessarily notice a lopped off finger, or you make something up.

Anyway, where was I? Hold on, I have to change tissue wads~this one's soaked through. K. Um, oh, yeah. Screaming razor sharp pain. And really aggressive bloody noses. And $7,000 bills for furnace repair. And splits in the end of every single finger and toe~and heels and lips~that I've had to superglue shut (except for the lips) and that's why I'll probably die from superglue cancer...but that can't be helped. (Hey, they sting really bad.) And repairmen who show up late and think nothing of the fact that Vanity (I hate her) held a gun to my head, so I was forced to shower WAAAAAAAYYYYY before a woman like me (lazy) would normally be compelled to shower. (noon)

So all in all, a good day, wouldn't you say?


Oh, crap. I can feel it running down my throat.






3 comments:

Jen in AZ said...

When my mom asked me to super-glue shut the split on her index finger on Monday I thought she was daft. Daft! But I did it anyway because I'm a dutiful and loving daughter, even to the daft. Seems to me the superglue would sting more than the cut. Doesn't it????

Lisa said...

Nope, doesn't even hurt. I was reticent at first, when my father suggested the "medical treatment." Then, I gave in, even though I, too, thought him daft. It's a brilliant fix.

kara elmore said...

I gagged a little bit thinking of the blood going down your throat. But it's about time you have a bloody nose. bloody. funny word when you're in the states and can say it without flinching!!!! :)