Friday, December 18, 2009


Went shopping again~for Christmas presents intended for other people, but somehow that was lost in translation. Like, when Brain looked at a wonderful crystal and diamond brooch and said, "Oh, my. Will you look at that? That is absolutely PERFECT for so-and-so. Pick it up and let's buy it, Body." And Body was dutiful, picked it up, paid for it, took it home and promptly put it in it's own drawer.

Brain detected this altered plan and yelled at Body. "HEY! What the H? I told you that was for so-and-so. Now go wrap it and put a tag on it with their name on it! Criminy, Body, I can't trust you as far as I can throw you!" And Body just laughed and walked away from the drawer, with the brooch left inside. I know, right? Body is really, really disobedient.

Which brings us to my problem. You all know that I am a hoarder at heart, and therefore, struggle with "letting go" of stuff. Something I've actually worked feverishly to triumph over, beginning with letting a friend have the larger portion of the broken stick of gum when I was seven....teen. (I still feel the anguish as if it were yesterday.)

And you also know how much I adore stuff, therefore, the letting go of it goes heartily against my nature...(Charlton Heston said it well... "You can have this gun~or stuff~when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers." That's passion talk, not crazy talk, as some people might suggest.)

However, I also love to increase other people's happiness by introducing them to "love of stuff"~(the first hit is free)~so that they can share in my guilty pleasure, as we all know that it can't be that bad, if everybody else is stuff lovin' too. It's called "stuff pimping" and no, I'm not proud of it. But I've got a habit to feed, okay, people?

So back to this contradiction~how does one serve these two equally demanding masters? As in, how do I bring stuff loving joy to other people at this gift giving season, as well as keep my own voracious stuff monster's appetite satiated and subdued? It's a conundrum. (And I just looked up the word conundrum, so as to use it properly, because I'm NOTHING if not proper.)

I'll keep you in suspense no more. Here's what I've decided to do...and it's really quite simple~


I know! Brilliant! And we all know how many brilliant ideas I am capable of, so this should be no surprise to any of you.

See, the more stuff I buy, the more I can hoard for myself and the more will be left-over for gift giving and stuff addicting and everybody's happy, folks!

Nobody needs to know that I kept the original gift intended for them~as long as there is a replacement, it's aaaaaaaaall good.

Plus, like a bride on her honeymoon flashing back to old boyfriends~there's no need to come snooping in my drawers for your "what might have been" gifts. The grass ain't always let's embrace that balding husband, 'mm~kay pumpkin?

As long as everybody stays away from the drawer, nobody gets hurt...

I'm serious. Drop the brooch.


.E. said...

Lisa Lisa.. I love you.. you are awesome.. thats all I gotta say.. you always make me laugh.. right out loud.. and its good to know that I no longer have to throw stuff out.. ( I am on garbage removal strike until June when the sun comes back out and the temps stay consistently at at least 70 degrees. Dont get me wrong.. the actual garbage will get taken out but I will force my husband and the boys to do it for a freakin few months.. its really hard to drag the garbage can across the deep snow.. jeesh. I am a lady here.. anyway sorry I digress.. Enjoy your Stuff..

kara elmore said...

I can attest to Lisa's triumph over evil yesterday. I was WITH HER yesterday to witness the crime/adoration I had for her when noticing how DELICATELY she took things from people's hands ... "it's ok honey ... you don't need it. It doesn't go w/ your biker pants or your "bling" necklace. This is called VINTAGE, honey ... not trash .. ok? I'm going to keep is safe RIGHT here in MY stash of lovely things."

And there you have it ... the stranger looked at her in complete love - as if she was SAVING them from a TRAGIC purchase. Lisa smiled, knowing she had once again defeated the enemy and purchased yet ANOTHER item to add to her lovely collection. One that her favorite sister would "visit" while she was gone and empty her out ... just. like. the. grinch.

Lisa said...

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side." Mm hmm. I can hear it now. "There's a missing diamond in this vintage pin. So I'm taking it back to my workshop, my dear. I'll fix it up THERE...then I'll bring it back HERE." Ha!

E, garbages were never meant to be taken out by women. Law of the Universe. In the scriptures, too. AND one of the original ten commandments.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I agree Thou shalt only let men take out the garbage. 37 years of blissful marriage(lol)...never taken out the garabage "at home" anyway.

I just commented about your broach (Feb. 1 2010) I know how really bad it is. Much worse than originally thought.