Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, there lived an ice-chompin', busted tooth sportin' princess named Lisa. And it was Christmastime. And she had a maze of holiday decoration boxes strewn throughout her castle...once again (sound redundant? I know! And I'm livin' this nightmare!)...and NO energy or desire to display them. But mostly, this was because she had somehow acquired gobs and gobs of useless crap that she had no intention of putting up, but couldn't bring herself to throw away (remember the Depression? Okay, well me neither, but I've heard about it and people order me to "Save that cool whip bowl!" referring to it, so I do and I'm better and more righteous than you because of it.)

Where were we? Ah, yes~Princess Lisa called them "leftovers." Just like the bowl of Thanksgiving peas in her fridge that had wrinkled and grayed, they still hadn't reached full expiration and it would be sinful to bury them before they were fully dead.

Anyway, Princess Lisa was in charge of "finishing up" the decorating after her family had gone off to school and work~which she fully intended on doing (remember how important intentions are?) but somehow...somehow~she was distracted (bright, shiny objects) while walking past the Christmas tree (spells disaster for simple minds like Princess Lisa's) and made not even a dent in her own grooming for the day, let alone the heap of holiday cheer.

This story ends badly, friends, so I won't finish it. (body found decomposing the following year in a box of peas...I mean leftovers...I mean old crap decorations) So we'll move on to happier things...

I can't think of any right now, because my tooth is still broken and there is an impending dental appointment echoing in my brain...and also because the boxes are mocking me. And no matter how much caffeine I drink or cups of ice I chomp, I can still hear them.

Stupid leftovers.


kara elmore said...

Left overs should be taken to other people. Like re-gifting. And because it's from YOU they will glory with glee scream. And it will be put up in their home. For them to take care of. For them to feel guilty over. But not you. This is NOT for you to stress over. I mean, for HEAVEN'S SAKES ... take CARE OF YOURSELF! Let the others ROT!

.E. said...

you kill me...

Anonymous said...

Kara's right! Your "gobs and gobs of useless crap" would be a treasure to me! Then I could get rid of MY useless crap! Better yet....you could come decorate MY house, since I KNOW you have NOTHING better to do this month!!!

And....eewwww....you have peas for Thanksgiving dinner? You should be giving thanks for NOT having to eat peas for dinner!!! Peas are only good when eaten fresh from the garden!!! NOT COOKED!!!

Let me know if you need a ride to and from the dentist since I'm sure you will be heavily self medicated. :) Love ya...Anony

Lisa said...


WHY dost thou think the PEAS HAD GONE WRINKLY AND GRAY? HUH? Because YOU ARE RIGHT, they were never meant for Thanksgiving dinner.

And if you get a call from Dr. Anderson's office telling you that you're my "contact person" you'll know to come quickly.