As my friend and I sat caramelizing in the jacuzzi, we read the plaque on the wall that warned any pregnant women to shun this activity. And we laughed even as we were becoming light headed and nauseous, because we no longer heed medical warnings, on account of our wrinkly wombs and such. I also recalled the day that avoiding scalding hot tubs was as good as an announcement~
"Hey! You're only sticking your toes in. ARE YOU PREGNANT?" And we'd smile coyly, as the cat was out of the bag. Apparently the vomit dripping from our chin wasn't a strong enough indicator.
Which reminds me, did I ever tell you about the time I went visiting neighbor ladies with my Mother in law? Now, a quick descriptive of my dear MIL, Ramona~fiery red hair that she "dyed" until she "died". Blue eyes, pink nails, coral lipstick that never managed to stay within the confines of her mouth, and the sharpest tongue with the bluntest delivery. Which I know nothing about myself, so shut up.
So we were chatting with a young woman in our neighborhood, and she told us she was 'expecting'. Ramona said with delight, "Oh, how wonderful! Do you know what you're having?"
Woman~"Yes. I do." Long pause.
Ramona and me~Eyebrows raised in expectation.
Woman~Even longer pause. Initiates staring contest.
Ramona~"Well? Is it a boy or girl?"
Woman~no reply.
Ramona~"I thought you said you knew what you were having."
Woman~"Well, I know what we're having. But we're not telling anyone else."
Ramona~with incredulous disbelief, laughed~"Well, hell, I don't really care WHAT you're having. I was just trying to make conversation!"
We were never asked to visit with her again. But we didn't care. She deserved it. She was stupid. And since I've never said or done anything stupid, thoughtless or insensitive in my entire life, I can cast that stone, people, as I am clearly without sin.
So what did you all do while I was in Park City? Never mind. I don't really care. I was just trying to make conversation. Now hand me that boulder, will ya?
16 comments:
Oh dear sweet Grandma, you rock my world!
Seriously... I never cast stones..or do anything stupid..or such
Hahah!! That's what I will do. :) BTW, How did you like coming home after your horrible, terrible trip to two young, out-of-control Wood boys? I was thinking of you...I too am a giver. :)
That is HILARIOUS!!! Except people usually are the same way when they ask, "How are you?" Most people are caring and giving like you, Lisabelle.
I cast stones daily. And proudly.
BTW, I am so proud of Natalie for really getting out there and sharing what she enjoys every day with you after your long trip. I thought it was so sweet of her. :)
Haha, you crack me up, I love it. It was pretty stupid not to tell people. What in the world were they going with that. What ever... Don't worry I will make a HUGE announcement in a few week. None of that secret nonsense.
That was so great. I think I would have liked your MIL. And don't we all think that - Ha Ha. I would love to just say it out loud sometimes!
WAY to funny!
No wonder Sterling was attracted not only to your pretty body & mind but you reminded him of his red headed mother!
Good thing big Boulders can't be thrown too far!
Little stones, much easier, go much farther. Still hurt!
OK that was too funny for words!
I am so sorry you had to suffer such indignities on your trip. Tough to have to go through all that then come back to the real world.
Hey! I felt that boulder hit me!
whuut. You went to Park City. You didn't call me to join you.
My womb's more wrinkly than your womb, after all.
Well, I've been doing all kinds of stuff. But, I'm not telling either. I will say it does not involve my wrinkly womb carmelizing in a hot tub. :) You're too funny! -J
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I'm still laughing.
Nat, the boys were darling, and SOOO BOYISH! Funniest thing ever, Ethan would tell Luke to chase him, Luke obeyed. Mid chase, Ethan would hold up a hand and say, "Pause" while he flipped through a magazine. Luke obeyed. When Ethan was done, he'd say, "Okay, chase again!" And Luke obeyed. Hysterical! And yes, you ARE a giver.
we need more Ramonas in this world
Yeah. I have always wondered why would tell people that you knew the sex of the baby and not tell them. Just plain stupid. Seriously. I love your mother-in-law.
BAHAHAHAHA!!! LOVE THIS!! SO TRUE!! Thank HEAVEN my womb is... GONE!!
...and I am SO seconding Krista's comment...
... and I've been mixed manic, spinning wheels and accomplishing ZIP!! Oh WAIT!! You didn't REALLY WANT to KNOW!! ;p
Here's your BOULDER! HAH!
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