Monday, September 21, 2009


I'm kind of a blamer. Like, I have a hard time accepting that bad things can happen to people when they don't really deserve it, so to make sense in my world, there has to be someone to blame for it. That way, bad things can never happen to me, unless my horrid choices warrant them. And yes, I know this is absurd, but it's a warm, fuzzy blanket of ignorance that I choose to wrap myself in sometimes.

So the other day, my dear son got a bloody nose. This is the child that has constant seepage of the nasal passages, and is known throughout the land as "Sniff." We've never actually heard him pronounce his M's and N's yet~and he's thirteen. I'm always reminding him to blow and frightening him with dire warnings of packed snot eventually becoming brain tissue. Anyway, he comes down one morning full to the brim with boogers, and it's almost time to catch his ride to school. I yell~I mean gently remind him~to blow, he says he doesn't need to, blah, blah, blah. He relents, and runs upstairs to do it, as he's a bashful blower. Time passes~no return of the boy.

"BOY!" I bellow. I hear a little whimper from upstairs, run up and find him buried alive under a pile of bloody tissues. I am instantly taken back to my days of riding the bus to school, the tickle in the nose and watching in horror as drops of blood~without warning~landed on my new puffy blue coat. Thus leading to the "drip, whip and tip." Drip=blood. Whip=neck Tip=head. Damn bloody noses. I had to shake myself out of the reverie to help my boy, and by help, I mean blame.

He arrived at school with a wad of tissue in his nostril and a head full of "your own fault" from his mother. I'm loving like that. I returned home, blew my nose and "What the H?!" My neighbors watched as I retrieved the morning paper with a pack of toilet paper hanging out of my own honker. I know. It's only fair.

So my hubbie gets a headache the other day.

"What did you do? Did you eat properly? Drink too many Coke's? (As if there's such thing as too many Cokes! Ha!) " I'd point at his chest as I reached another fist into my bag of peas.

"You should be more like me. See how healthy I am? If you'd just eat peas instead of whatever it is YOU do, you'd be fine. Geez." Chomp, chomp, eye roll, chomp. Woke up the next morning with a migraine. I know. Shut up.

You'd think I'd learn. You'd think this would soften me up. Make me a little more compassionate~a little less judgmental. Nope. Just angry.

And it's somebody's fault. I'll let you know when I find out whose.


Kara Elmore said...

SOOOOOOOOOOOO .... it's YOUR fault that I laugh so hard I PEE! Yes... it IS your fault. I knew it ALLLLLL along. Pee maker.

Kara Elmore said...

Just reading it again .... you know - because you draw me in SOMEHOW. It's like we speak the same language or something? Related??? Wondering if you were wearing that pretty nightgown that you wear on Saturdays? The one we pray has been destroyed. Anyway ... I was thinking that maybe a neighbor threw a rock at you while getting the paper and THAT is what started the nose bleed. BLAME put where it belongs!! :)

Lisa said...

Oh, BB, you dear sweet sister. What would I do without you to comment and make my existence worthwhile?

Layton Victorian said...

I'll tell you something worse than bleeding all over someone in a school bus--finding a booger on your collar after 8 hours of school, all dried, wondering how long it's been there and how many saw it, and if your "cool" is over.

Kara Elmore said...

Noooooo wait... I'll tell you something WORSE than booger collar. Being in 4th grade, boyfriend Austin Nelson and Brett Schaeffer talking to me. Starring at me. Believing I was "IT" I had ARRIVED and they must ALL love me. Only to look down, see the drip on the TABLE and QUICKLY tilt the head back, feel the blood rush down my throat, nearly vomit and then BUST out of there only to realize they were starring because of the BLOOD. Not because of me. It was the blood dripping dowwwwwwwwwwn my face onto the desk, mere milimeters from their hands. Unsanitized 4th grade hands.

I'm going to cry in a corner now. :)

Kara Elmore said...

MAYBE we could just make a blog just for the Wood family?? Then we'd just hoot and holler and praise ourselves all day long!!! :)

Lisa said...

Laughing my head off at both of you! Really, this is what a therapist is for. But since we're all too poor to hire one, we'll have to cover that need for each other.

Kara Elmore said...

Who needs therapists when you have the WOOD FAMILY???????

really though.

no really.