Tuesday, September 29, 2009


It's one thirty in the afternoon and (yawn and bum scratch) I'm just now considering hopping into the shower to go about my labors. And by labor, I mean shopping. It's called a "labor of love" or a "labor THAT I love." By now you should know me, and that I have a VERY strong work ethic, even when I'm on vacation.

The last three days have consisted of a steady diet of Good & Plentys, seven different gourmet chocolate bars, family size bag of Jelly Belly beans, Toaster Strudels (four boxes,) Hostess cupcakes, gummy bears, Reeses, ENORMOUS Halloween bag of assorted candy, vanilla wafer cookies, Elfin cookies, Oreo cookies (don't really like those, but I'll take one for the team.) Doritos, other assorted chips, salsa, sugar cereal (four more boxes) another family pack of licorice and then...drum roll please...A BAG OF PEAS AND GLASS OF DIET COKE TO WASH IT ALL DOWN! Which we all know is a law of the Universe that keeps any of the previous calories from counting. Yay for laws of the Universe!

Now there is one slight drawback to this toxic form of nutrition, which is called "consequence." ~or in lay man's terms, "witches brew" which seems to be in gas form permeating the entire condo. The air is green people. The Grinch who stole Christmas green. Word to the wise (and Housekeeping) you do NOT want to pass by this door.

So what's a group of people basking in their own stench to do? (shoulder shrug) The only thing we can do, friends. Take another swig of Diet Coke~just to be safe, and flee the premises, slamming the door behind us (and sealing the crack with a dish towel so as not to alarm the other vacationers) as we prepare to go shopping while singing Christmas carols at the top of our lungs.

Since, as I already mentioned, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Plus, I'm sure we can find a can of Spam somewhere to bring home for dinner.


Kara Elmore said...

OH> MY> LISA ... you NEVER cease to make my happy eyes SQUEAL in delight at reading your words.

AND YES - a bag of peas ALWAYS cover up the crap eaten before. DUH. Who doesn't know THAT???

Lisa said...

Yeah. Duh!