Tuesday, August 3, 2010

EXPOSURE

Vintage Retro Jr. Class Pres~in character for opening assembly
~eat your heart out, John Travolta

Hi, peeps. I'm still recovering from yesterday...and last week...and this past month...and pretty much all of December through July......and really, everything that has happened since probably 1989. But that's another story for another day. Today is about yesterday, which is really about the past, and living vicariously through my second son's high school experiences...which I insist on playing a starring role in...not because I WANT to, people...but because I HAVE to...in order to satisfy the "DO-OVER" demons. They look like Prince. And they have big hair. And they wear shoulder pads with Miami Vice jackets. At least mine do~yours might be from a different era. They never really leave you alone, until you've proven yourself worthy to all of the A-holes in your memory banks. Anyway~

You know how people say, "If I could go back for just one day, I'd..." fill in the blank? Yeah, well, I did. Yesterday. It was the Jr. Class Officers movie making day, and yours truly was the writer/director/producer/choreographer/cinematographer/caterer... and yeller at sonner.

Son~"Hey, Mom, I don't think you're--"
Perspiring mom~"SON! (weak smile) Honey? SHUT IT!"

Son~"Mom, seriously, this isn't--"
Melting Mother~(angry two fingered eyeball point)

Son~"But--"
Black mascara eye boogered, red faced, rasping breath matriarch~"DEAR! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!" (sharp hand puppet mouth close)

Course I didn't. I missed hordes and gobs of shots that I'd intended to take. But listen, folks, when you've got a perimenopausal woman, running backwards in heels as she tries to film eight pairs of shoes walking to the beat of the Bee Gee's~in 100 degrees with 97% humidity~for two freaking hours~all while trying to act totally unaffected by the sludgy blood pounding through her weakening vessels as it tries to escape out her ears~well, you can just imagine my breezy demeanor and light hearted laughter echoing through the early August high school hallways.

Anyway, Do-Overs aren't nearly as much fun as I thunk them to be. On account of I won't even get my name in the credits of this brilliant opening assembly production. On account of there's no official moniker for MOTHER OF JR. CLASS PRES. On account of APPARENTLY, I HAD my day in the awesome 80's sun and now, it's HIS millennium time to disco ball shine.

Which is OK with me. Cuz if these wrinkles, freckles and sunspots are any indication, I've had more than my fair share of exposure. Time to fold up that silver reflector and take my chaise lounge to the cool shadows of the wind beneath his wings.

Go ahead and soar, son. I've got the fan positioned juuuuust right.

9 comments:

Kara Elmore said...

OH MY - Lisa - this is SERIOUSLY one of your best written things! And because I KNOW that was NOT written in any form of grammatical splendor ... I will stop talking/writing/whatever. But it's ALL to make YOU shine. Not me. It's about you. And your grammatical ways. And not me and my belly. Stretch marks. Sun spots - or hair that needs highlighting. I will leave that to you. To fix. For me.

SERIOUSLY - the SHUT it part was my favorite. Because we ALL know that's what we want to say in the weather conditions (or any day, time, place) ... but the MOST important thing I've gathered from all of this ......????

WEAR HEELS at all times.

Garden of Egan said...

I wanna see it!!!!!!!!!!!
Hilarious.
I want to see you on video filming it as well.

The Martos Fudge said...

I Love it... Can't wait to see my kids going through times like this. And their Mom embarrassing them through it all. Thanks...

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Another sprained wrist falling off my chair in laughter, glad it was my left...or you'd be walking in my footsteps!

Love the bee-gees...I can see how cool they must look and you son "the leader of the pack" awesome!

How lucky he is to have a sacrificing mother who will stop at nothing for a good time.

And pregnant Kera...oh my heck someone just pick me up off the floor cause your both too funny.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

LOL! Woman, when you drag that chair over to the shade, make sure you hire a guy, model of course, to fan you and feed you grapes.

You deserve it!

T said...

hahaha "sharp puppet hand mouth close" has me laughing :)

and I'm officially in LOVE with your word verifier - it says "spend" - which is TOTALLY the opposite of what I've heard from everyone else lately

One Cluttered Brain said...

LMBO!!
Oh my...
I'm with Tauna--I wanna see pictures!


My word verifier was spermiti...
Hmm..i'm thinking baby sperm...lol.
i didn't know they could get any smaller? LOL.

then jaycorp cause obviously i can't spell nonsense words tonight...*sigh*

Krista said...

Okay, my dear, I have single handedly made your counter turn over five times today. I couldn't comment from FB and work so I am finally on Blogger. You know your kids are secretly jealous of you. It's so nice of you to teach them the trade of popularity, since you mastered the fine art! You are so giving like that, and I would expect you to set a fine example for them. That's why I love you.

Mimi Sue said...

Great post! Please try to remember my 57 year old bladder! My do over demons are barefoot, wear lovebeads, and listen to Simon and Garfunkle. Mimi