Sunday, August 1, 2010

RETURNED WITH HONOR


HALLELUJAH AND PRAISE 'OFF' SPRAY WITH DEET, BECAUSE PRINCESS LISA HAS RETURNED WITH HONOR...AND WITHOUT TICKS, from her YOUNG WOMEN GIRLS CAMP EXPEDITION!

And just like a good paint job, my tree hugging success was a direct result of painstaking prep, people. On account of the night before departure, I spent five hours in neurotic, hand wringing anxiety, followed by six minutes REM stage sleep before the jolt of alarm clock adrenaline. A thrilling synopsis follows~

Five o'clock A.M.~ Dead Man Walking shower, make-up and tress assembly, before arriving at the beautiful Heber Valley mountain without a headache. Bowels seize and headache begins. Stand and peer over edge to observe what looks to be a bottomless well of profound and perpetual sleep deprivation. Pot-guts (portly squirrels) swarm and man their stations, leaving behind piles of smeared and steaming Pot-gut poo. Teenaged girls unpack and begin mass consumption of nutritionally void sewer-toot producing crapola. And all is well in Zion.

A couple of conversations heard over the course of the week~


USED CAR SALESMAN Bosom leader~"Hey, I hear there's a trail to the river that is downhill both ways."

GULLIBLE Princess Lisa~"Oooo...that sounds refreshing...and plausible. Let's go!"

On the way back up the DRIPPING ARMPIT SWEAT CONTAMINATED and 12x12 INCLINED PITCH HIKING TRAIL, PEOPLE! THAT'S RIGHT, HIIIIIIIIKING TRAIL~fully realize there has been a seriously hostile breach of leader-to-leader etiquette.


B & M (rhymes with wbitching and grmoaning) Princess Lisa~"HEY, MY HEAD HURTS. DID EVERYONE HEAR ME? LET ME REPEAT AD NAUSEUM. I AM SUFFERING FROM A MIGRAINE, PEOPLE. IT HURTS. IT HURTS. IT REALLY REALLY HURTS. SEE HOW MY FACE IS LOPSIDED? SEE HOW ONE EYE IS WEEPING? THAT'S THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SAID HEADACHE. DID I GRIPE AND COMPLAIN ENOUGH TO SUFFICIENTLY IRRITATE YOU WITH MY LESS-THAN-PIONEER CONSTITUTION? NO? WELL, THEN, LET ME CONTINUE..."

TEETH GRINDING Bosom leader~"You might want to take. some. Sudafed. LISA. I really think that will *help you. (*Shut you up.)"

PIGHEADED Princess Lisa~"I can't. My head hurts too much. I'm just going to whine about it~relentlessly~for the remainder of our time together. And finally, on the last night, I'll take the Sudafed, resulting in a full recovery that comes four days too late."

BOSOM LEADER INSERTING EAR PLUGS~"Well, okay then. As long as you have a plan. Idiot."


Add to the earthy mix~thunder and lightening, rain three out of four days, a hillside fire, strep throat and ear infections, some midnight puking, a permanent cloud of green air accumulating on the cabin ceilings, mild to severe cases of monkey butt, a surprising lack of oxygen, unexpected monthly gifts from Mother Nature, water fights, a spontaneous concert of 80's hits, toilet seat firecrackers and fully dexterous chipmunks capable of unscrewing lids off Blue Diamond almonds~and what you're left with is simply a question.

Why?

Why would Princess Lisa climb down from her sky blue throne, peel off her velvet ball gown and replace her sparkly tiara with cowboy hat, jeans and bug spray? Well, I'll tell you~

~Because when you've seen the Light of Christ shining in a young girls eyes, as she bears witness of her Savior's love for her, that her nature is divine and that she knows who she is, why she's here and where she is going...well, let's just say that a week of deprivation is an itty bitty baby dill pickle price to pay for such an experience as this. Truth be told, I'd give waaay more than that, if they asked me to...probably even my first born son...to bring the same joy, light and knowledge to my brothers and sisters on this earth....

...and, in fact, in a very small way, have done just that.....

.....of course, it's nothing compared to my Heavenly Father's sacrifice before me...



And THAT, dear reader, is the reason why.


16 comments:

Krista said...

Is there no other way? I did my time and I'm not skinny or cute enough to be a YW leader in my ward. ;) I meant to say spiritual enough. Ha!

Holly said...

LOL! Krrista... me niether! I was one a DECADE ago!! ;p Although they did ALLOW me to be a cabin mom one year and a Youth Conference mom another since... Oh yes, and let's not forget co-chair of the Trek FOOD committee. *sigh* Yeah... It's ALL good! ;)

Lisa, I'm sorry you were tricked onto the hiking TRAIL and that you got a migraine! That S**** (rhymes with ducks, but that is one of the "other "S" words... stupid being the other... OOPS!)

I'm glad you remained TICK free and in the end felt it was worthy of your gracious royal presence!! I KNOW those girls must LOVE YOU!! HOW could they NOT??

((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

And who could forget that AMAZING food that was served with EXTREME LOVE on Tuesday night!

I am GRATEFUL for the SACRIFICE that EACH of the leaders made-who took time away from their own families to help STRENGTHEN these BEAUTIFUL young women!!! I have sooo much LOVE for EACH of these WONDERFUL young women AND their INCREDIBLE leaders!

THANK YOU for being a WOMAN (MOTHER) WHO KNOWS and for sharing that with my daughter! I LOVE YOU LISA! Anony

BTW--where does one find a robins-egg blue cowboy hat?

T said...

awwww... stinkin' heck girl - that was downright touching there at the end. you know, after all the ranting, raving, and pseudo swearing that gets you in trouble :)

I liked both parts.

Mimi Sue said...

Ever so true. Been to camp many times. Pretty sure it's all over for me. Thank goodness. I did think about you in the stinky cabin eating crappy food one night last week while I was in a cute little bed and breakfast with the mister. The thought only lasted a second, but still. Mimi

Garden of Egan said...

I bet you were a GAS to have at camp....pun intended.
Such a cute rendition of your experiences there. Makes me wish I'd have gone with you.
or not





Sounds like you were the awesomeest of leaders.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I KNEW this was going to be really good camp news...would expect no less, and no more from you Princess Lisa.

Sorry about the aweful migraine.

Watch for your blessings to come...although they wont come in a big brown box...or could they?

annie said...

I LOVE girls camp! I am headed this tuesday!!! And I plan on enjoying as much bad for me food as I can!

Jennifer said...

The sudafed was not the cure! It was the screaming rendition of 80's songs that purged you of said Headache.
By the way, I really thought that trail would be downhill both ways "a refreshing little walk".

Pezlady Jana said...

L.M.B.O.

But only because I can totally relate. :)

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Princess Lisa is probably being Sleeping Beauty right now?

Neen said...

Migrane or not, Sudafed or not, you were a real joy to have there! You bore your pain the way a true princess would, with real dignity! The 80's songs were the icing on the cake!!! "ROCK ON SISTA' FRIEND!"

Jackie said...

This makes me realize I need to quit moaning about my new primary calling. So for that, I thank you.

Glad it's done!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

What I wouldn't give to go to girl's camp with you as a leader. Awesome.

Seriously. Those girls better have treated princess Lisa right! Or else....

Brittany said...

another brilliant post my love. I lived it. I survived it. As a girl (not so many years ago....sheesh!) and as a leader. And I have to say... camp in the San Rafael CA stake is nothing less than phenominal. Glad your experience was fab as well. There's a reason we chubby mums keep going back...and believe me, it's not for the nasty toilets.

Jennifer Griffith said...

Okay, so now at least I know I'm not the only one who spent an entire week complaining, only to be spirichally uplifted at the end. However, the upliftment only showed me how guilty I should feel. Yeah, they only sent me to girls camp one year, after which I told them I'd get pregnant to get out of it. Of course, I do love it when those darling girls come up to me at WalMart and tell me what they're up to now a whole year later. Makes it all worth it, right?