HALLELUJAH AND PRAISE 'OFF' SPRAY WITH DEET, BECAUSE PRINCESS LISA HAS RETURNED WITH HONOR...AND WITHOUT TICKS, from her YOUNG WOMEN GIRLS CAMP EXPEDITION!
And just like a good paint job, my tree hugging success was a direct result of painstaking prep, people. On account of the night before departure, I spent five hours in neurotic, hand wringing anxiety, followed by six minutes REM stage sleep before the jolt of alarm clock adrenaline. A thrilling synopsis follows~
Five o'clock A.M.~ Dead Man Walking shower, make-up and tress assembly, before arriving at the beautiful Heber Valley mountain without a headache. Bowels seize and headache begins. Stand and peer over edge to observe what looks to be a bottomless well of profound and perpetual sleep deprivation. Pot-guts (portly squirrels) swarm and man their stations, leaving behind piles of smeared and steaming Pot-gut poo. Teenaged girls unpack and begin mass consumption of nutritionally void sewer-toot producing crapola. And all is well in Zion.
A couple of conversations heard over the course of the week~
USED CAR SALESMAN Bosom leader~"Hey, I hear there's a trail to the river that is downhill both ways."
GULLIBLE Princess Lisa~"Oooo...that sounds refreshing...and plausible. Let's go!"
On the way back up the DRIPPING ARMPIT SWEAT CONTAMINATED and 12x12 INCLINED PITCH HIKING TRAIL, PEOPLE! THAT'S RIGHT, HIIIIIIIIKING TRAIL~fully realize there has been a seriously hostile breach of leader-to-leader etiquette.
B & M (rhymes with wbitching and grmoaning) Princess Lisa~"HEY, MY HEAD HURTS. DID EVERYONE HEAR ME? LET ME REPEAT AD NAUSEUM. I AM SUFFERING FROM A MIGRAINE, PEOPLE. IT HURTS. IT HURTS. IT REALLY REALLY HURTS. SEE HOW MY FACE IS LOPSIDED? SEE HOW ONE EYE IS WEEPING? THAT'S THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SAID HEADACHE. DID I GRIPE AND COMPLAIN ENOUGH TO SUFFICIENTLY IRRITATE YOU WITH MY LESS-THAN-PIONEER CONSTITUTION? NO? WELL, THEN, LET ME CONTINUE..."
TEETH GRINDING Bosom leader~"You might want to take. some. Sudafed. LISA. I really think that will *help you. (*Shut you up.)"
PIGHEADED Princess Lisa~"I can't. My head hurts too much. I'm just going to whine about it~relentlessly~for the remainder of our time together. And finally, on the last night, I'll take the Sudafed, resulting in a full recovery that comes four days too late."
BOSOM LEADER INSERTING EAR PLUGS~"Well, okay then. As long as you have a plan. Idiot."
Add to the earthy mix~thunder and lightening, rain three out of four days, a hillside fire, strep throat and ear infections, some midnight puking, a permanent cloud of green air accumulating on the cabin ceilings, mild to severe cases of monkey butt, a surprising lack of oxygen, unexpected monthly gifts from Mother Nature, water fights, a spontaneous concert of 80's hits, toilet seat firecrackers and fully dexterous chipmunks capable of unscrewing lids off Blue Diamond almonds~and what you're left with is simply a question.
Why would Princess Lisa climb down from her sky blue throne, peel off her velvet ball gown and replace her sparkly tiara with cowboy hat, jeans and bug spray? Well, I'll tell you~
~Because when you've seen the Light of Christ shining in a young girls eyes, as she bears witness of her Savior's love for her, that her nature is divine and that she knows who she is, why she's here and where she is going...well, let's just say that a week of deprivation is an itty bitty baby dill pickle price to pay for such an experience as this. Truth be told, I'd give waaay more than that, if they asked me to...probably even my first born son...to bring the same joy, light and knowledge to my brothers and sisters on this earth....
...and, in fact, in a very small way, have done just that.....
.....of course, it's nothing compared to my Heavenly Father's sacrifice before me...
And THAT, dear reader, is the reason why.