Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Gaga Lisa

Princess Lisa is getting ready to speak at a Young Women's girls camp this evening and she needs your help. She's not sure if she should wear her blue velvet formal and chandelier earrings, or S'more smeared hoodie and camp fire perfume.

Here's the conundrum~while wearing four inch heels, she must walk the precarious line between looking credible~oooooorrrrrr~BEING ONE with the girls camp experience. Whether or not she is credible is not pertinent here, friends. It's all about the facade. And you should know that by now. (irritated eye roll)

I'll take input until about an hour before I leave~I need enough time for ringlets and powder.

Speaking of ringlets, do any of you remember when we used to pull our hair back in a tight bun, with plastic butterfly barrettes and side-burn ringlets? Those were the days. The fashion forward, shades of cocoa blush and disco days of my youth. I have to say, at the risk of sounding like a braggart, I had me some sweet moves as the masculine half of a 6th grade disco partnership.

What.

Boys don't dance.

We did what we had to do, so shut it.

Anyway, I remember it like it was yesterday...(Lisa dons a dreamy expression while looking heavenward, picture fades out and returns with BOW CHICCA WOW WOW music.)... Bell bottom jumpsuits...Tony home perms...light blue eyeshadow from lash to brow. Reuniting felt so good with peaches...and herbs...and some idiot who left a cake out in the rain that Donna Summer had SLAVED OVER, PEOPLE...and she JUST DOESN'T KNOW IF SHE CAN TAKE IT! And who can blame her?! Plus add to the mix that I told people I was Bionic, fully convinced myself, and you have a pretty good picture of pre-pubescent Princess Lisa.

But that's beside the point. Hello-ooo? It's about what I'm wearing tonight? Remember? Geez. Try to stay focused.

Course, if you fail me, I'm going with my back-up plan. It's a little thing I like to call "HOLLYWOOD/GAGA/OBAMA PRINCESS LISA." Six words~me...naked...spray-glue...hot...pink...glitter. So distracting, it won't matter that there's no substance.

Wish me luck, friends!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I had "Jan Brady" ringlets too! "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha"!!! I actually still get them in HUMID weather! What's up with that?! Of course I experienced my ringlet days in Kindergarten! So you MUST be older than I! :) But more MATURE!

Good luck speaking tonight! Do you need some company? I'd love to hear you speak but I need to go apply some blue eyeshadow and watch Solid Gold and practice my dance moves! Anony :)

Kara Elmore said...

It is a GOOOOOOD THING I read this in time.

My first thought was NAKEDNESS totally. 1) they'd never ask you again. 2) you'd scar them SO severely by walking across the lawn naked that you could EASILY say "don't have premarital sex or this will be you at 17." or ... "stop making out, or I'll walk in naked and tell you to stop - because we ALL know your mothers are idiots and are letting you have boys in your rooms."

get the picture? So - it's not that it's the horrible NAKED LOOK on a 41 year old ... it's ALL about scarring them and warning them - and explaining that the stretch marks and low slung boobs are NOT from age ... but rather from living a life full of ignoring your parents, having premarital sex, and doing drugs.

Now - we BOTH know you did none of these things. Seriously. But ..... if you can USE It to SCARE THEM .. DO IT OBAMA!

Melissa said...

I was wondering were those pictures of you were. I would love to see some pictures of you back in the day. You still have time to add them you know.

Lisa said...

Anony, wanna come? I'm taking Steph Cisney with me, cuz she got me into this. Leave your unitard at home, though, else you'll upstage me.

Boo, I LOVE every single suggestion. Consider it done. Frighten the hell and desire for premarital sex right out of them. Brilliant.

Melissa, I wish I had a pile of pictures. They're mostly on slides, which is useless unless you have a projector and a white sheet hanging in your home at any given time. One day, I'll transfer them over to film and we'll have a hearty laugh over Diet Coke.

T said...

oooh, I'm afraid I'm WAY to late to weigh in on what to wear - hope you wowed them with your nudity and four inch heels!

Krista said...

I just wanna see pictures because I am also too late to put my two cents in. I woulda gone with naked or polyester plaid. We do want them to have a healthy sex life one day. Maybe GaGa meets Molly halfway in the middle.

One Cluttered Brain said...

You lost me at glitters pink sparkles and nakedness!
LOL!
What did you wear anyway?

Jackie said...

I want to come.

reasonably chubby said...

Lisa Gaga you go get'em girl! Teach those little camp fire brats a thing or two about REAL fashion. I know you can! Take your hairspray and hot rollers and show them the way. Or was this supposed to be a spiritual thing...?? :}

Cherie said...

I'm afraid I am too late to give you any advice but thanks for the trip down memory lane - ha ha - I had totally forgotten about Donna Summer and her cake out in the rain!! Good times good times...

Mimi Sue said...

Too bad it's not winter, you could've worn your leg warmers. Also I'm just sure those sideburn ringlets will come back one day. Don't give up hope. I was too busy having babies to get into too much of that disco stuff, thank goodness. I'll give you a hint as to where I live. South and west of the Kaysville theatre. Mimi

Holly said...

Oh MAN!! I'm DEFINITELY too late... I DID have the perfect hair style for you. Remember Laura Ingals loopy braids for Sunday??? Oh YEAH!! LOL!! (Maybe someday I'll get brave enough to share my 4th grade hidous embarrassment...)
OH!! and there were the oh so popular ponchos that were crocheted and in every possible clashing color.
HEY!! We have an AWESOME scanner that will scan slides. You'll have to come kill some time in our office sometime!! ;D