Friday, August 13, 2010

GROOMER MONKEY MOM

It's over folks. They're back, just like static ghosts on a TV screen. But it's OK. I had just enough time without them to bring back natural affection. It's kind of like dog year love~a couple days me-time gives back seven times the original sacrifice. Pretty good return on your investment, if you ask me. Course, that means in two weeks, I'll need another reprieve. I'm sending them to your house. It's the least you can do.

By the way, did I mention I ran a red light the other day? Just treated it like a mere suggestion and drove right on through. But see, I needed gas to get home from the sand dunes, because Shower, Shampoo and Mall Shopping me-time were sitting on the front porch swing at home, arms folded and tapping their feet impatiently...and the gas station was on the other side of the red light. Thus, the steely determination of a woman with her eye on the prize.

And even after the blaring horn of the cowgrandpa who came within inches of plowing into me, I was hardly even rattled. Which should concern me, folks~but it doesn't. It just proves how focused I can be~which verifies I don't have ADD~which is always a relief.

Mmm. Pie.

Where was I?

Hey, that rhymed!

Anyway, SO sorry cute little furiously cussin', scarcely tall enough to see over the dashboard Idaho grandpa, for giving you a heart attack with my shameful road manners.

By the way, there is a fine dusting of sand over every surface in our home. And a LARGE quantity of time was spent with a box of Q-tips and ear canals yesterday. Funny how, "MOM! I ALREADY CLEANED THEM OUT IN THE SHOWER! GEEZ!" is code for, "You'll likely find about a cup and a half of dirt and a smattering of black heads mixed in with the ear wax. Enjoy, groomer monkey mom, enjoy."

And I did, especially when I would shove the filthy cotton swab under their noses to show them what I'd retrieved. They'd recoil. I'd scratch my armpits, swing from Red Vines and monkey laugh as only a parental primate can do. Good times, peeps. Good times.

Well, time to get back to whatever it is I do.

Wait, did somebody mention pie?

11 comments:

Cherie said...

Pecan is my favorite!!!

I am constantly just making the "yellow" light every single day - I love it - Now it is a game...me against the light - other drivers be da_ _ ed!! Once in awhile a red slips in there -OOpss don't know how that happens!

See Mom Smile said...

Okay now I am craving pie. Thanks a lot. And remind me not to drive anywhere near you when you are low on gas and haven't had a shower.

Anonymous said...

FUNNY!!! Red light runner! Doesn't surprise me, however, after hanging on for dear life as you flip a "U-turn" on two wheels to feed our ox that was in the mire! I think it's a little more dangerous to ride with you in a car than to ride with me on a 4 wheeler! Didn't know that I should wear my helmet while driving with you! :)

And on the grooming side of things, I offered and then offered some more to try groom your daughters beautiful, sand filled locks but I gave up and decided to roll down the sand dunes with them! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!!!

I loved having you there, if only for a couple of days! Now I'm off to build sandcastles in my bathtub!! Anony :)

Jennifer Griffith said...

I think I love "cowgrandpa" as a term most of all. It reminds me of someone quite dear to me...

But maybe it was the dog-years-love. Now *that's* a term I can get behind. When did you say you want to take all five of my kids for a week? Or shall I put you down for two weeks?

T said...

tomorrow, when I think about this post - I will just go back to the pie. hmmmm... key lime sounds good just about now!

Jackie said...

My advice to you is stay away from the mailbox! I turned right without slowing down just as a light turned red and got mailed a $75 ticket for "running a red light."

LAME

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Lots of Monkey business going on here in Lisa's life...hope Idaho grandpa is okay, should you send him flowers? You know he'll need to repent, cussin' and all.

Maybe you should take him a piece of that pie.

Love story!

Kara Elmore said...

DO you remember coming back from our annual Sweetwater trip and mom was REALLY burned and we sat on her bed PEELING and PEELING away the skin and it was like this AMAZING WONDERFUL BOUNTIFUL amount of skin and we nearly put it in our mouth to revel in it?? (ok - that was gross and overboard - but it was to paint a picture of monkey groomers!?!?!?).

Yes. That is what this reminded me of and I NEARLY ran to your house to HELP w/ the ear picking and grooming. What is it about that that is SO grotesquely wonderful???

Each night I beg my kids to have GROOMING TIME. Sometimes I tell them I'll get something good .... and they're excited. Other times I know nothing is there - but it's to see .. .just in case.

I need me a good pair of london people to see what I can find in their less groomed bodies.

Kara Elmore said...

btw - I know what you were REALLY driving to when you ran that light. Don't deny it. But it's a secret. I won't tell. I'm way fabulous like that.

Holly said...

LOL!! I'm envisioning you swinging and doing a Tarzan yell... You're GOOD!! ;D

Poor LITTLE old man!! KIDS these days! I tell you!! ;p

I find it funny that below your post is an ad from Nextag.com for EARWAX cleaner, DEBROX Drops, and Acu-life Ear! HAH!!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Seeing as how I now live in Idaho, I laughed at your Idaho cowgrandpa reference.

Did I ever tell you about the time one of them flicked me off as I drove by him?

To this day I have no idea why he did.