Thursday, September 9, 2010


Hey, friends. Had a truly beautiful mother-daughter bonding moment this morning. To begin, I Zumba-ed. But first~and most importantly~I bought new pants, so I was no longer petting zoo offensive. You're welcome.

Then, things started going a little bit downhill, in that Char had to remind me how to breathe correctly, on account of I had the urge to pass out and puke...again. My brain yell sounded something like this~"Oh my H...Are you KIDDING ME, LISA? You're gonna head south during the cool down portion? Seriously! That's like breaking your leg climbing out of bed! The LEAST you could have done, is a FANTASTIC CRASH AND BLAZING BURN-OUT while hip-hop thrusting. Then at least you might have held your head high when they carried you out. But this? You know what? If you go down, you are dead to me."

And I didn't want to be dead to me, so I pulled it together.

So fast forward a half hour~home, eating, braiding Jules' hair and I notice fresh sweat. But this time it's cold. And it smells like farts. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but there it is. Anyway, I go into hyper-braid, finish frenzied and crawl to the couch, where I sit silently, breathing slowly and methodically. Jules assesses the situation with a raised eyebrow and simply asks~

"Would you like a bucket?"

Almost imperceptibly, I nod.

"I'll go get you one."

And she brings me a mixing bowl to barf into.

She just knew, people. And I've never felt closer to my darling girl as I did this morning. And whoever says that nurturing instincts are held equally by both genders is FREAKING WRONG, in that the last time I passed out after exercising, Ster just happened to be there and wildly bellowed, "SHE'S PASSING OUT!......SHE'S PASSED OUT! OH MY GOSH WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO?!" Making sure to involve the ENTIIIIIIIIIIIRE gym full of patrons, rather than let it be an intimate moment between just us two.

Bless his heart.

Anyway, kisses and mother love to my Jules...even if she's dressed in her football uniform, her heart beats tender, capable...

...and discrete.


The Martos Fudge said...

Ok... So I may be wrong. but you may want to take it easier. Yesterday you passed out, today you throw up. I like yo blog way to much, for you to just disappear for a while. Be careful. I am glad you baby was home to help.

Kara Elmore said...

ME THOUGHT you were going to say she went one step further and brought you something pretty to throw up in ... so as to make your barf/pass out situation that much more enjoyable. If you're going to go down ... might as well do it w/ a pretty in your hand.

Anonymous said...

Baaahhahhahaha! Been there, done that and have since given up on exercise!

You could always use our halloween barf bucket...'tis the season!

Anony :)

Lisa said...

For the record, I never ACTUALLY threw up, or passed out. Almost, but not quite. But you're right...I should be extra, super careful so as not to become a casualty of this thing called exercise. It seems I have the constitution of Melanie from Gone with the Wind, in my old age. I might need some smelling salts to take with me to class.

Boo, wish that it WERE pretty...but you really can't make puke pretty.

Anony. I'm going to buy me my own special seasonal bucket for future episodes. Not that I don't WANT to puke in a used, no, not that at all. It's just that I don't want to puke in a used bucket. :)

Garden of Egan said...

Hon, I suggest you leave the gyrating hips to people that actually know what they are doing. Like the Latinos or something.
You have no business trying to Zumba on account a puking and passing out and for all we know peeing.
Give it up I'm telling ya. I'll pick you up and we'll go get a hot fudge sundae or something to get your blood sugar up!

T said...

Honest to Pete I am actually under Doctor's orders to stay 50 feet away from all Zumba classes.

and I was AMAZED the first time I visited my inlaws as a newlywed when a sister was sick - to see the sick pan there by the couch made me question anything I'd ever eaten at that household :)

WV says SKINGE - is that like skin crawling and cringing at the same time? because that's EXACTLY what puke bowls make me do.

Holly said...

Just get lot of ice cream in the 5 qt buckets... You know, YUMMY kinds... Then wash them after your done EATING them... Put them in a SPECIAL place... Jules could even decorated them for you. ;D Then AFTER the spewing is done, snap the lid on an throw away... BONUS... Don't have to HUG a TOILET OR CLEAN the bucket!! BLEH! said...

Are you pregnant?????????


Krista said...

Lisa, let's just make a pact right here and now, that we will not do dangerous things like exercise. We have family responsiblities to think about and we can't serve them if we are incapacitated with injuries from hitting the floor. Let's just keep eating healthy salads at Zupas.