I can hear you, you know.
Hush up...or you won't be able to hear this over your judgmental laughter.
Anyway, a few things were learned today. They are as follows...
1) If there were a "What Not To Wear" Zumba class version, Stacy and Clinton would have come busting in, and Lisa would be on TLC's season opener.
2) Candy corns are not Lisa's friend.
3) Neither is her sports bra...even if it IS pink.
4) Though they both start with the same first two letters, ZUPAS cannot be a tag team fill in for ZUMBA. I already tried. Last week. Five times.
5) Had Lisa been alone, she'd have done a crash and burn after the first 10 minutes. But since she likes to put on the appearance of robust health, she lumped and bumped her way through the entire routine, waiting until she got home to puke.
6) I'm almost not kidding about that last one.
7) Goats and camels have no business in a Zumba class. There should be some sort of sign with a big, black line through a zoo animal's crotch, stating that there stipulation.
8) A portly woman with enough determination can exert even more energy avoiding the mirror, than she does in hip-hop thrusts and shoulder shimmies...thus losing even more weight than the average size 6 Zumba attendee...SO THERE, YOU WRETCHED TEENY TINIES!
And there you have it. Now guess what? For maximum benefits, I have to go back there again. I KNOW! CURSE YOU LATINOS WITH YOUR SALSA BEAT AND GYRATING HIPS!
Anyway, I'm leaving now. I've got to fill my cheeks with harvest pumpkins, since the corns can't be trusted.