Wednesday, September 22, 2010

STAGES

I just went for a quick drug run, as a result of a plea from Jules calling from school with an allergy related something or other whine. Seems lately she needs constant reassurance that her mother will come jetting to her aide at her plaintive beckon call. Which, surprisingly, I'm OK with. It's called a stage, but sometimes dresses up as eternal, so the two are often confused.

Some of you are still choreographing and learning your lines on that platform. "Midnight vomit on the bed"......."Perpetual Hunch Back Baby Hover" and the crowd pleaser, "Necklace ripped off, and cascading beads in church pew." I won a Tony for that one.

While the curtain is up and you're starring, you can't imagine the blessed day will arrive when they're all in school, the house is still and you're lounging in your robe with a glass of ice cold Dr. Pepper, Halloween candy and a laptop in your reclining chair at noon thirty. Not that I'm experiencing such a thing presently, my friends.

No. (shaking head in pensive manner)

I'm deep cleaning my house.

And decorating for fall.

And pruning the frenzied rose bushes.

Plus, I'm canning peaches, pears and tomatoes, making freezer jam and sharpening my lawn mower blades for next year. Homemade bread is in the oven and I've made a mental list of the groceries I'll need when I prepare my family a gourmet meal this evening.

THAT is what I'm doing.

And I'm sorry if it makes you feel guilty and uncomfortable that my level of activity is swelling and cresting over you like a Tsunami on the shore. But it is what it is, people. And it is spectacular!

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. I have bugs in my nose holes and hair, on account of a Ten Commandments locust like swarm I biked through on my way to the school. I thought it was ash from the Herriman fire. But it wasn't. It was bugs. From Hell. And that's a place, people...NOT a swearword.

Just examine the scriptures.

Which are sitting open on my table, on account of me being able to read them in silence, on account of the stage I happen to be in at this time of my life, on account of going through those other stages, and somehow, making it out alive with no poop under my fingernails.

Which gives me more time to quote the word of God to YOU, helping you to become a better person~more righteous~and able to recognize the difference between profanity and where Satan dwelleth.

Long story short~you're welcome.

The end.


15 comments:

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Oh your just too funny Lisa...seriously glad I took a diet coke break to come visit you here at blueandshoe. It's the only time my belly gets to exercise!

Sounds like the MIGRAINE has subsided...thank goodness as no one else would bottle those peaches for you.

Sorry about the bugs from Hell in your nose...oh good grief!

annie said...

only two more years until I can join you in this stage you speak of. Although, I am pretty sure I won't be canning or baking anything!

Jackie said...

Was that vomit in bed part directed to me? You may now at to baby puke in the car seat to the list.

I can smell the bread from over here. Bring me some?

Shauna said...

I am excited to meet you at dinner tomorrow night :)

Joe S said...

I'd just like to announce that this whole Lisa-should-write-a-blog thing was kind of my idea. Right, Lis? Hmm? So I'm sort of basking in your fan mail in an indirect and pathetic kind of way.

Next stage? Lisa migrates to her own domain name and monetizes and sells BlueandShoe t-shirts.

Lisa said...

Listen up, people. It was all Joe. That's right, Joe. My thumbs are up, I'm making the sign language heart and throwing kisses with my feet. Sending out the love. To Joe. On account of he is the wind beneath my wings. :):):) I'll send you my first royalty check...don't spend all 25 bucks in one place!

Kara Elmore said...

what the freaking crap happened to your SISTER who is the wind beneath your wings?

I think I'll take back the blog header ... and the printing capability AND ... AND LET'S NOT FORGET your PICTURES!!!

Yes. rephrase that. Right now.

btw - I think my hunch back baby hover is getting bigger. Did mom's ever go away? Her dowger's hump .. is that what we called it? Anyway - what stage did you say you were in? I think it's the "everyone is gone and so I'll go buy things for my sister" stage - on account of me not saying she was the wind ...

Lisa said...

What? What's this? ANOTHER BLAST OF WIND coming in to swoop me, once again, off my feet and into the stratosphere? Why, where on earth did it come from? I'LL TELL YOU WHERE, FROM BITTY BOO, THAT'S WHERE! More wind for beneath my wings! On account of pictures and Blue and Shoe graphics and all manner of sisterly kudos and love. Yes, more wind than I deserve, folks. Bless you, Bitty Boo. Bless you.

Kara Elmore said...

better.

Joe S said...

Kara, you did the header? Nice! No, I can do better: VERY nice. (Ok, so I'm not a writer like Lisa.) My employer is looking for a good graphic designer. Are you on the search for work?

Kara Elmore said...

Hey Joe - thanks! No wait ... I can do better, too ... Thank you THANK YOU!!! :) I'm not a graphic designer - just a photographer who knows how to use photoshop :). BUT - I have THE most amazing graphic designer. Email me if you want info on her: karaelmorephotography@gmail.com

Mimi Sue said...

I'm certainly glad to be past some of those stages. ESPECIALLY the teenage girls in the house stage. Oh, wait, you haven't gotten to that one yet. Well, you're in for a treat. I'm so impressed with all the things you've been accomplishing. Do you need another lug of peaches to can? I can bring you some. Mimi

Garden of Egan said...

Thank you for the spiritual upliftmont (since I can't afford the real uplift that I so desire)
Uh, oh, and thanks for making me feel like a total loser cuz I bought bread today....and it was white bread.
And uh, thanks for sharing all your canning projects.

I shall now hate you in private.

NOT REALLY!

Love your freakin' guts!


Oh OH oH!!!!
MY verification word:
sommeve

Isn't that a commercial on TV or something about freshness????

Krista said...

Oh my Hannah! I'm still laughing about our conversation in the car....on the ride home. And the funny looks you kept giving me - I can't quit laughing. I was desperate for a laugh but you never disappoint!

Holly said...

I'm sensing a lot of wind passing around here.... BWAHAHA!! JK!

Joe and Kara: Thanks for inspiring her to BLOG and bring her wit and wisdom to the masses!! (Oh! Our daughter got her degree in graphic design and is darn good if your boss is still looking.)

Lisa: and an ass is a donkey and whenever my class is reading and it comes up, they all giggle and some refuse to read the word... one even substituted donkey for it. HILARIOUS!

I am basking in your glory as yesterday I saw your article in the community paper yesterday. Nice!! So it's tarantulas creeping out of Hubby's nose and ears... LOVELY!! LOL!!

Oh... and when you're done deep cleaning... and you're bored with nothing better to do... mine could use it. ;D