Monday, September 13, 2010

REAL FRIENDS GET PIE

Soooooo...who was it? Huh? Who, people? And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about...I CAN COUNT, YOU KNOW! I KNOW WHEN MY FOLLOWER NUMBERS DIMINISH...EVEN IF IT'S ONLY BY ONE! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M A BLOG FOLLOWER PROSTITUTE, SHAMELESSLY FOLLOWING OTHERS, SO THEY CAN BE A NOTCH ON MY BLOG BEDPOST! I HAVE EARNED EVERY ONE OF YOU, AND THIS IS HOW YOU PAY ME BACK? BY REMOVING YOURSELF FROM MY LIST?!

Yeah, well, guess what? I don't really care. On account of APPARENTLY, you don't know what funny IS.

And you're disloyal.

And you probably have sister wife hair.

And you know what else? Your nose resembles a SNOUT and yes, those pants DO make you look fat.


Oh, and one last thing? You really DIDN'T mean that much to me, on account of I don't even know who it is that's missing. I was just using you. Your name was written on the bathroom stall.

And guess what? I DO know who my real friends and followers are, and they get pie for dessert. That's right. Pie.

And Chiclets.

And roses. And chocolates. And diamond rings.

All on account of being true and faithful, as I am to them.


So go on and slurp up the remnants of my past posts, when you get parched and dehydrated from lack of fantastic creative/funny juices squirting abundantly from my blog. But don't come crawling back here when you find the grass ain't any greener~or less profane~on the other side of the fence.

There are just as many steaming cow pies over there, and you're likely to step in most of them. Enjoy.

26 comments:

Melissa Jolley said...

what is sister wife hair? BTW...I didn't leave you, I loooove you!

Holly said...

I could NEVER LEAVE you... There are days when your posts are one of my few bright moments. Whatever the mood behind your posts, you have a way of twisting it that makes your readers SMILE!!! Now THAT'S TALENT, my friend!!

Ya' didn't have to bring my chin hairs into this, though! HAH!!

The ONLY way some one LEFT YOU is by deleting their blog/account completely... yep!! That's IT!! NO ONE would consciously CHOOSE to DO THAT!

OH!! And my favorite pie is ROUND!! ;p LOL!! (YES!! I KNOW that's stale... must be missing the Hubs!! It's HIS line... Most of those are stale. I still laugh sometimes; that MUST be why he loves me...)

Kara Elmore said...

STUPID FREAKING CRAP OF AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO ARE YOU? COME OUT OF HIDING?

Did you know when SISTERS band together you should RUN FOR THE HILLS? Because even though you THINK we are nice and HYSTERICAL ... you get on our BAD side and there are CONSEQUENCES to pay and MEAN things (like us making fun of your sister wife hair!!!) are said. THAT SAID .... you are probably the one who is STARRING in that STUPID new movie about sister wives. yep. idiot.

idiot remover. stupid pants.

annie said...

Wow! Makes me glad I didn't unfollow you today as I did to other blogs! I don't think I can anyway, we may be related!

Krista said...

That whole blog post kinda reminded me of when I broke up with my hairdresser. It's like, "I think you gave me someone else's hairstyle." "Oh, yeah, well, you're not my friend anyways!" I'll never break up with you though, Baby! Just don't come near me with scissors and leave me with hair shorter than Donald Trump's!

Amberlee said...

Just became an OFFICIAL follower to make up for the dummy head that's a quitter... although I have been a Lisa follower since first grade. I continue to worship your Metholatum scented satin sheets, and no, no I never tried on your Cheerleading uniform while you were away at college.

Cherie said...

You are SO funny! It does BUG when this happens.
I recently had someone stop following me and I figured out who it was - I think I would rather not know because for a week I just kept feeling like, "Why don't you like me? What did I do?" - Talk about teenage self esteem issues - Don't need those!
So I am with you - I hope they go step in a cowpie cause you Rock Sister!

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Oh...I have been through much worse than this Lisa...You know.

The Karma will get them in the end.

Are your followers getting pie???
Because you know that is my favorite...PIE. I need to see if I am a follower. German chocolate pie to be exact.

Oh the rath of the Woods girls is not to be desired. Didnt this follower know?

I got an email today from a narcistic "use to be follower" today...proclaiming her goodness to ME, it was ALWAYS FOR ME. But since I am a professional...that's all I can say.
The message went in one eye and right out the other because I know narcistic when I see narcistic.

And if you want a good night sleep princess Lisa...you must do the same. Your upsetting your sister too and her baby might get fussy now.

well said.

Jennifer Griffith said...

What the HECK is that Kara-autorant? Whoa. Guess since it's in fashion (Kara SETS fashion) I'll add my own RANT here:

But speaking of sister wives, I was in Wendy's last week in a far away town populated exclusively by OLD RETIRED fuddy duddies. I had ALL zillion of my kids with me, and FUDDY DUDDY EXTRAORDINAIRE asked me, "What are ya? One of Warren Jeffs' wives?" Bah! I said, "No, I'm not wearing makeup. I'm wearing designer jeans and heels, and a shirt that has glitter on it." Well, glittery thread.

Phooey on him.

I prefer cake.
Remember when your dad used to shout at the end of a family meal, "Who wants banana cream pie?" and everyone yelled "ME!" and then he'd chuckle and say, "Too bad we don't have any."

With that in mind, I think I know EXACTLY HOW SOON I'm going to get MY pie.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Is she sayin' your like the Pie Nazi???
No pie for you?

T said...

:) and now I'm afraid to ever miss a post. ever.

The Martos Fudge said...

Oh. my. Goodness... I sooo don't think the grass is greener. But I did realize I am not stocking you yet. So here we go...

Kay said...

Well, I'd sign up twice if I could!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I'll never leave you. Because I've seen your rockin' chair dancing moves.

I worship you for that.

Garden of Egan said...

Uh, how do you know if someone stopped following you? I mean, seriously I probably have a million people who stopped following me and I didn't even know. And now I feel bad and I'll stay awake all night long worrying about it.

Do you get an email that says "so and so stopped following you becuz you're so dorky" or something like that?

Well, whoever the twit was you are right, they'll be hating the cowpies.

Maybe it was that slease at CBC that wanted Cameron Rafatti's body and he only had eyes for you while you were rocking on the dance floor or something.

Garden of Egan said...

OH MY HECK! It's a sign. My VW on my last comment was:
dismated

I kid not! Someone dismated you!!!!

I'll send flowers.

Stef said...

Okay, so I am a new follower. Am I worthy of some of your blogging love? Did I hear diamond rings? Really. And Ihave to say that I share your love for rabbit poop ice. Where in the heck did you get a machine that makes it? I thought Sonic owned all pellet (sp) ice.
I lost a follower last week too. I tried to not let it bug me...but lucky for my family my house was much cleaner the next day.

Lisa said...

You know what? YOU ARE ALL MY PIE PEEPS! I LOVE YOU DEARLY, as every one of you has my back. FYI, the way you know someone "unfollowed" you, is you check the numbers of your followers. If one day it's 78, and the next it's 77, well, then, some dumbass has unfollowed you. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Whatever.

And you're so right that it throws you right back into Jr High and questioning whether or not you're on the list anymore, who hates you, who's talking behind your back, etc. SOOOOO not where I want to be.

Anyway, LOVE ALL YOUR GUTS! PIE AND DIAMONDS FOR EVERYONE! It's on my kitchen counter~come and get it.

KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER) said...

Perhaps they were reprimanded by clergy for following you and had to unfriend to keep membership... LMBO!!!

Holly said...

KyAnn... That's IT!! So now they stalk her secretly and erase her history after visiting EVERY DAY! LOL! That's so logical!! I won't even TALK about how wicked I am with all the LESSONS we've had about "wasting time on the internet"... Yadda yadda yadda... I love to site when a general authority at our son's BYU-I graduation said to "go fill the internet with GOOD" to oppose all the bad... OK, NOT direct quote... but that was MY interpretation... Sometimes I post something GOOD... I hope!

That pie phrase your dad used... HUBBY uses that ALL.THE.TIME!! No wonder they get along so well! HAH!!

AND you shouldn't say "Come and get it!" I'm close enough that I just MIGHT!! ;p

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

and in jr. high school there was no texting...so we wrote notes to each other all day long and folded them in creative ways...handed them off to one person to give to the receiver and then our mothers found them...oh no, they found out what boys we were chasing and kissing at the dances or what girls were kissing on our boyfriends.

What kind of diamonds?

Lisa said...

KyAnn, you nailed it. Holly, we ARE flooding the Internet with goodness/mild profanity, and following the counsel of our leaders...with a twist. :)

Brenda, they're emerald cut. I hope you like them. :)

Anonymous said...

Whoa....and Monday wasn't even Zumba day!! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?!

Maybe it was me! I didn't look at your blog for a couple of days! So I would like my sister wife name to be Ginger and I'm off to braid my hair! Maybe I should get some extentions first! Anony :)

JoeinVegas said...

I'm just visiting for the first time. Could I please have some pie too?

Matt and Kierstyn said...

Wow, note to self never stop following you.

Salt H2O said...

Damn, I feel guilty for not having been to your blog in a week. Repenting Now.