SPIDER MONKEY HEADACHE

Is it gone? Shhhhhh......don't look. You're being too obvious. Keep reading this blog, and pretend we're not talking. Now just act casual while I look over your shoulder. Okay. Alright. I think it's safe. Oh what a relief! HOLY COW, PEOPLE! I thought it would NEVER leave! Nothin' worse than an uninvited and unwelcome guest. Freakin' headache CANNOT take a hint! I thought it would figure it out when I kept throwin' back fistfuls of pills. I mean, isn't that migraine talk for grabbing an elbow and ushering it to the door? I thought so, too. But every time, it just stood there, talking and snapping it's gum, while letting all the cold air out, until the medicine had lost it's window of opportunity. Then I'd turn to go back inside and WHOMP~the little spider monkey would wrap itself around my head again and came back in with me.

Anyway, last night, if you'd been passing by my kitchen window around 3:00 A.M., you might have seen a woman (not me) in drooping undergarments, one eye glued shut with leftover mascara, teetering on a stool and rummaging through her medicine cache, praying there was a miracle cure she'd overlooked.

Turns out there wasn't. But her sympathetic drug lord husband insisted she take just one. extra. pill...to see what might come of it. Which she did. And as she lay there, waiting to drift...off.....in.....to.......A WIDE EYED CAFFEINE BUZZ CAUSED BY THAT ONE. EXTRA. PILL, WHY, SHE HAD GOBS OF TIME TO ENTERTAIN THOUGHTS!

So putting on her fancy party dress, she became a nocturnal hostess, turning up the music loud~the irritating, vacuous, filthy lyric tunes she'd had stuck in her brain all week~and proceeded to perform an interpretive dance for the masses. There was something for everyone...lists to be made, "What I meant to say" dialogue to be hashed out, lousy parenting to feel guilty for. It went on for hours. As the last guest fled by the light of the breaking dawn, she was left with a litter strewn floor and a garbage bag full of empty pizza boxes. But do you know what made it all worth it? THE THOUGHTS, PEOPLE! The fantastic, brilliant, genius ideas that sloshed around in her brain and ended up dripping out of her ears.

Course, since she was laying on her side, they soaked quickly into her feather pillow, meaning most of them couldn't be retrieved. But she grabbed a few before they disappeared. Here they are......

Sheets. Ear wax. And something about potato bugs. If only she could remember the connection.

Anyway, laughing softly to herself, she managed to scribble those down on her bedside tablet, before sleep overtook her and headache finally tripped out the door, drunken and slobbering on Excedrin tablets at 6:45 in the A.M.

Too bad her son came in to pray 7 minutes later. But as of right now...this very second...spider monkey headache has taken up residence at the Zoo. Please, if you see him, throw him some bananas, so as to keep him happy and content and away from my face.

I'll keep working on that whole potato bug idea. It's sure to be dazzling in the light of day.