Monday, July 12, 2010


I've got boys heading out~once again~to Pioneer trek this week. Four days of pull the handcart, check for ticks, pull the handcart, check for ticks. Probably some great spiritual insights thrown into the mix, too, but if it were me, that might become white noise as the scream of burrowing flesh eaters consumed my brain. Fortunately, it's NOT me. I'm sure they knew if it WERE me, I'd show up completely slathered in petroleum jelly and tight fisting tweezers and matches.

I blame Obama. And the public school system. Scary text book revelations with words like: undetectable until it's too late...tick born diseases that melt your face off...sucking your blood and leaving body parts behind. Those are just the ones I vividly recall~and remember how pinpoint accurate Lisa's memory is.

Years ago, we were coming back from an evening of camping and my little sister was in the back seat with a friend. They both had long, luxurious tresses~much like that ladies' legs. Apparently, there was some sort of TICK RAVE going on while they slept head to head, because the insects were mixing and mingling with their drug laced pacifiers and decided to make it an all nighter. They both ended up with ticks in their skulls. I think I passed out when I heard the"TIIIIIIIICK!" scream the next morning.

Same thing happened with my older sister. We went to visit the graves on Memorial Day, and after reminiscing around my Grandpa's headstone, returned home. Later that evening, an alien howl came through the vents and echoed through the neighborhood as Nicki found a new mole on her neck. A mole with legs.

Regarding my brother, he probably has a tick right now, but hasn't noticed it...cuz he's a boy. Some sort of gender disparity. In fact, I remember my cowboy Grandpa who would ride the range collecting ticks like thimbles, and then scrape them off his body with a credit card when they became bothersome. Or so it seemed. He was a mans man, Grandpa Boyd.

So what we're left with here, folks, is the last sister standing. The gig is up. The news is out. They finally found me. Renegade ticks comin' in for the bounty.

In two weeks, I'm going to girls camp. We can't wear Capri's, because of the tick infestation. They told us this like they were sharing the weather report. My ears started to ring and my left shoulder went numb.

Thus, in fourteen days, if you hear the SCREAM HEARD ROUND THE WORLD, could we all just bow our heads in a moment of silence for the fallen Young Women's leader?

My pioneer ancestors will already be hanging their heads in shame.


Kaylen said...

Take me to girls camp with you!! haah you will be great! And no worries about the tics you can just use a match to remove those little suckers.

T said...

you can't spend a week at girl's camp with no decent ice can you?

we'll be praying for your tick free existence!

Garden of Egan said...

You have enough time to grow out them leg tresses and it will scare the living daylight out of the ticks.
Seriously, they don't like spitting out hairs. They are picky like that.
I'm not sure very many people have died from a tick bite. Just pretend it's Edward.
Embrace the bite.
Ya, that's it.
And if you do die from the bite of a tick, well, you are right. It's Obama's fault.

Anonymous said...

I'll bring a tick home for you! That way your immune system can build up tick resistance and you'll be all set for girls camp!

That's the kind of friend I am. Always compassionately serving others!!!...Anony :)

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Throughout this entire post I felt as though my entire body was crawling with ticks.

In fact... I still do!

Neen said...

Just a FYI - Jolene (who knows, I'm sure) said July is low in ticks. We should be a l r i g h t! No worries, but still bring tons of DEET! We'll even do he famous tick checks every night! That's sure to be a hit!

Kara Elmore said...

ALRIGHT .... SO many things come to my mind.

READY?? #1 - this is why I DO NOT LIKE GIRLS CAMP! Even though I told MY YW they had to go. But that was mostly because we were going to be in a "mansion" in Midway and there was NO way ticks were there. If there had been, I would not have attended. Because, I'M SORRY ... but the Spirit can not reside with someone who is FREAKING out over lime disease. Which comes from ticks ... right??

#2 .. your story is totally not right. But OH boy it is funny. So leave it. It was Jamie Johnson and I who had the long tresses (much like Juliagulia too) and it was LICE that she nearly passed to me. Until Aunt Deb (who I was TOTALLY afraid of for YEARS and YEARS ... kind of like you) combed through my hair over and over like a little ape while the parents were out of town. I never got the lice ...... at least I don't think...

#3 ... it was ME who got the tick one year at memorial day. But I"m sure Nicki got it another year as well. And I still have the SCAR on my SCALP!!! Ohhh how I remember waking up to a HUGE GIANT GROWTH on my scalp - dad getting the Wesson oil out, a straw and laying me on the yellow kitchen table to perform the surgery. I remember seeing the tick and thinking ... "you little piss ... get out of my head!"

And I use those strong words because I like to offend. :)

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Wearing no Capri's...would be a deal breaker for sure. Hey, that should have been disclosed RIGHT UP FRONT. Then see them try to get leaders and girls to go to camp.
It would be a NO SHOW. Then what?

I like your story even though Kera tried to destroy it with her evidence.
She's got to be close to giving birth doesn't she?

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

You know where to leave that ice machine while your gone don't you?

Krista said...

I think you could pick up a flea and tick collar and I'm sure if each of you got one for your troop and bedazzled them, no one would even notice!

Holly said...

LOL!!! OMG! Well, 4 days on Trek and NO TICKS... even without the bedazzled Flea & Tick collar!! LOL!! And I have to admit, it was nice being near the refrigerated truck where frequently I'd have some RANDOM imaginary thing to go look for in there! LOL! ;p

Oh!! And in ADDITION to LYME disease, there's also Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever! How appropriate for living in the midst of the ROCKIES!!

BUT... I DO have a TICK story... I got 2 in the 3rd grade! We were able to get one out and they tried EVERYTHING of ALL the old wives tales to get the other. They managed to get the BODY but that darn head remained. SO we went to the dr to get that out... Yeah... SCAR! *sigh*

GOOD LUCK!! I'll be home in my NICE COZY BED! ;p (WHERE have I hear THAT before???)

KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER) said...
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