TICK AND TREK

I've got boys heading out~once again~to Pioneer trek this week. Four days of pull the handcart, check for ticks, pull the handcart, check for ticks. Probably some great spiritual insights thrown into the mix, too, but if it were me, that might become white noise as the scream of burrowing flesh eaters consumed my brain. Fortunately, it's NOT me. I'm sure they knew if it WERE me, I'd show up completely slathered in petroleum jelly and tight fisting tweezers and matches.

I blame Obama. And the public school system. Scary text book revelations with words like: undetectable until it's too late...tick born diseases that melt your face off...sucking your blood and leaving body parts behind. Those are just the ones I vividly recall~and remember how pinpoint accurate Lisa's memory is.

Years ago, we were coming back from an evening of camping and my little sister was in the back seat with a friend. They both had long, luxurious tresses~much like that ladies' legs. Apparently, there was some sort of TICK RAVE going on while they slept head to head, because the insects were mixing and mingling with their drug laced pacifiers and decided to make it an all nighter. They both ended up with ticks in their skulls. I think I passed out when I heard the"TIIIIIIIICK!" scream the next morning.

Same thing happened with my older sister. We went to visit the graves on Memorial Day, and after reminiscing around my Grandpa's headstone, returned home. Later that evening, an alien howl came through the vents and echoed through the neighborhood as Nicki found a new mole on her neck. A mole with legs.

Regarding my brother, he probably has a tick right now, but hasn't noticed it...cuz he's a boy. Some sort of gender disparity. In fact, I remember my cowboy Grandpa who would ride the range collecting ticks like thimbles, and then scrape them off his body with a credit card when they became bothersome. Or so it seemed. He was a mans man, Grandpa Boyd.

So what we're left with here, folks, is the last sister standing. The gig is up. The news is out. They finally found me. Renegade ticks comin' in for the bounty.

In two weeks, I'm going to girls camp. We can't wear Capri's, because of the tick infestation. They told us this like they were sharing the weather report. My ears started to ring and my left shoulder went numb.

Thus, in fourteen days, if you hear the SCREAM HEARD ROUND THE WORLD, could we all just bow our heads in a moment of silence for the fallen Young Women's leader?

My pioneer ancestors will already be hanging their heads in shame.