Tuesday, April 27, 2010

CATCALL

I went to the high school today, to do some last minute prep work for the alumni assembly...that has consumed my heart, mind, soul and nervous system for a couple of months...and do you know NOT ONE STINKIN' KID WHISTLED AT ME? NOT ONE. Idiots.

The least they could have done was pretend that I deserved a second glance...I mean, come on, man. Throw a wrinkled old lady a bone. Too much to ask? Apparently.

But see, what we have here is the hallucinogen called High School Time Portal. It's a brain sweep, where the moment your over 40 feet walk up the stairs and enter "A" building, you're back in time, running a pic through your Tony home-perm hair and trying to decide if you'll have the fries or just a Diet Coke for lunch. (Fries WITH Diet Coke ends up being your choice, resulting in years worth of poor diet and nutrition and fluffy, girthy abdominal. Who knew?)

Sadly, our only gauge back then to judge our nearly imperceptible young woman worth was the HIGHLY PRIZED filthy word, or low suggestive whistle emanating from a mouth full of braces and Cheetos residue. But you could live or die by that assessment and often popularity ebbed and flowed according to the Spirit Hall leer.

Anyway, when I got back from my mushroom trip back in time, I realized that my Age Appropriate Shopko Mom Shirt (that's a real brand, I'm pretty sure) probably acted as camouflage and I had been invisible to them. So that explains it.

But still, one catcall...wouldn't have killed you. 'Sall I'm sayin'.




7 comments:

Fat, Female and Forty said...

Just to inform you Lisa, I think they get suspended for "wolf whistling." Otherwise, I think there would have been many, many whistles. They were just refraining. We already married the best out there, so who needs 'em? (That's what I tell myself anyway.)

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Pish, high school kids these days. No respect for their elders, ya know?

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Serene is right on...no respect, someone should have whistled... how embarassing for you.
Oh the fry sauce from Artic Circle in those days, couldn't wait for lunch time.

Hope all goes well for your assembly Golda!

Kate said...

Surely there was a single muttered "milf" in there somewhere. And really?? Talk Dirty To Me? Haha! Thanks for your comment on my blog. :) You're funny and I'm now following you.

Kate

Pearl said...

I agree with Serene and Kate. High school kids don't know what they're missing.

Thanks for your comment on my WSU post....it always works out for the best.

Kara Elmore said...

FOR THIS VERY REASON I am SOOOO going shopping this afternoon FOR the assembly tomorrow. Although I'm pretty sure what I'll be wearing - I need to make CERTAIN I get that catcall. My entire 34 years of existence depends upon it. And I told Nate (husband) that if HE didn't do the catcall himself, I'll slit my wrists. It's THAT important.

Sydney said...

Hey thanks for stoppin by and commenting. I am SOOO following you now. Stinkin hillarious - that's what you are. I'm talkin laugh-out-loud funny. I love all your posts :)