Tuesday, April 6, 2010

LAURA AND NELLY




Well, HEEEELLLLOOOOOO friends! Did ya'll miss me?! Give Lisa sum sugah! Sooooooo, I've been goooooone. And no, I didn't tell you, because we all remember last time when I threw it in your sweet and earnest little faces like a shaving cream pie at a carnival, how I was off to warm, green pastures, (Las Vegas) but they ended up being littered with steaming cow pies, (Satan's pooh) so it was a humbling experience (freaked me out) and I apologized (compelled to, not willingly) later for having been so stinkin' giddy about getting the roast outta here. PLUS, 'member I told you to build a snowman while I got a tan? I know. Seriously. I blow chunks, man. Snotty, mean spirited chunks.

But this time, I duct taped my Nelly Oleson disposition to a chair, sock wad in her mouth, and kept it quiet that I was heading off into the wild blue St. George yonder. And to be honest, it may have had a little something to do with not wanting to come back to a missing rabbit poop ice maker and a Cheshire cat smile on one of my blog followers. I'm no idiot.

Anyway, Readers Digest version of the vacation~hopeful springy weather, 30 turns to 60 degree JOY, JOY, JOY, splitting storm brewing headache, TJ Maxx trip, zebra pumps, antique bookstore, angry slit eyes migraine, antique french picture, popcorn popping on the apricot trees, medicinal Dr. Pepper(s), period on my white skirt-oh my hell, why didn't anybody tell me?!, Starbucks for Internet to read missionary son's letter, crap food, crap food, crap food, inspiring Conference talks, Easter egg hunt, Exedrine, Advil, hidden baskets, snoring husband, invited to be a regular contributor for Mormon Mommy Blogs, rain, storm, blow, blow, blow, beautiful, brilliant white Mormon temple, tile floors funneling every whisper and scream directly into our bedroom and ears, dietary fiber~too little too late, "cool" green dork glasses on 9 year old, "Thank you, thank you, thank you INFINITY for the Hollister clothes! You're the BEST MOM AND DAD IN THE WORLD!" promptly forgotten infinity appreciation when asked to pick up dishes, 60 degrees back to 30 and 26 voice messages to return.

And there you have it. Jealous? You know you are, Laura Ingalls! You ALWAYS want what I have! (evil, conniving grin as I flip my platinum ringlets and wash out my white skirt...)


7 comments:

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Lisa, of course WE are jealous of you leaving us in 8" of snow...as you left town we knew that as your were going... going... gone "we" would take second place OR so.

Nice Photos...cute daughter in green glasses , so fitting, and handsome man of yours, Sterling...what...took your camera but left your rabbit poop ice maker at home? I would love to be on THAT "waiting list" as to whom gets to use it while Lisa is gone.

About your "new job" Contributor mmblog, congratulations AND are they going to be warned of you? You know the Lord warned Noah and the people before it rained for 40 days and 40 nights.It's Only fair AND the RIGHT thing to do.

Glad you had a nice trip, all except for the advil/snoring/white skirt blemish.
Have you looked into ear plugs for those special weekends away?

I will have to start reading MMblogs, they have a new follower.

kara elmore said...

bla bla bla bla..................... ZEBRA PUMPS!!!!! FOR ME???? Ohhh I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT ... I could FEEL it! Especially because my request for maternity go go boots on your trip to Vegas did not come to pass! I am SO planning an ENTIRE re-do of my closet based off of those pumps!!!!!!!

btw - did dad dare tell you he thought Sassy was missing ALL WEEKEND? Well - until he found her on a shelf yesterday afternoon. hahaha.

Krista said...

I'm feelin' a little overstimulated after that. BUT I LIKE IT!!! But I'm not quite sure you liked your trip or not. Like it was good, but sucked at the same time? The whole white skirt thing - traumatized. Let's make sure we get matching outfits to go to the CBC together. Mine in pink, yours in blue.

Mimi Sue said...

St George is good but NOT as good as So. California. Where I was. Alas no zebra pumps though. So sorry to hear about your lining issues and your white skirt. Another thing to look forward to in your 50's. Menopause...Mimi

Linda said...

First, love the Nelly Oleson reference. She is one of my all time favorite bad girls. Yea we traded places this spring break didn't we? I went to your crap weather in SLC! And got pooped on. Which you know. I also had tons of junk food. Which is why I am now eating rice cakes and drinking lots of water (not laced with Dr. Pepper unfortunately). Congrats on the MMB gig. I have not heard from them. Do you think that's good or bad? And I am in on the matching outfits for CBC.

Lisa said...

Mimi~you're right. California would be better, minus the earthquake. Boo, the zebra pumps were my "delayed reward" for my pap smear/rectal. Sorry. After you give birth, I'll pass them along. Brenda, MMB peeps SHOULD know about my propensity for crude/profane...however, they've mentioned there should be NO CURSING. So there will be a fair amount of editing on my part. Krista, even I am not sure if I had a good time. I guess there must be opposition in all things. Linda, how about sequin halter tops and black lycra unitards? With zebra pumps?

Ster said...

Is it "willie nilley" or "willie nelly"