Well, HEEEELLLLOOOOOO friends! Did ya'll miss me?! Give Lisa sum sugah! Sooooooo, I've been goooooone. And no, I didn't tell you, because we all remember last time when I threw it in your sweet and earnest little faces like a shaving cream pie at a carnival, how I was off to warm, green pastures, (Las Vegas) but they ended up being littered with steaming cow pies, (Satan's pooh) so it was a humbling experience (freaked me out) and I apologized (compelled to, not willingly) later for having been so stinkin' giddy about getting the roast outta here. PLUS, 'member I told you to build a snowman while I got a tan? I know. Seriously. I blow chunks, man. Snotty, mean spirited chunks.
But this time, I duct taped my Nelly Oleson disposition to a chair, sock wad in her mouth, and kept it quiet that I was heading off into the wild blue St. George yonder. And to be honest, it may have had a little something to do with not wanting to come back to a missing rabbit poop ice maker and a Cheshire cat smile on one of my blog followers. I'm no idiot.
Anyway, Readers Digest version of the vacation~hopeful springy weather, 30 turns to 60 degree JOY, JOY, JOY, splitting storm brewing headache, TJ Maxx trip, zebra pumps, antique bookstore, angry slit eyes migraine, antique french picture, popcorn popping on the apricot trees, medicinal Dr. Pepper(s), period on my white skirt-oh my hell, why didn't anybody tell me?!, Starbucks for Internet to read missionary son's letter, crap food, crap food, crap food, inspiring Conference talks, Easter egg hunt, Exedrine, Advil, hidden baskets, snoring husband, invited to be a regular contributor for Mormon Mommy Blogs, rain, storm, blow, blow, blow, beautiful, brilliant white Mormon temple, tile floors funneling every whisper and scream directly into our bedroom and ears, dietary fiber~too little too late, "cool" green dork glasses on 9 year old, "Thank you, thank you, thank you INFINITY for the Hollister clothes! You're the BEST MOM AND DAD IN THE WORLD!" promptly forgotten infinity appreciation when asked to pick up dishes, 60 degrees back to 30 and 26 voice messages to return.
And there you have it. Jealous? You know you are, Laura Ingalls! You ALWAYS want what I have! (evil, conniving grin as I flip my platinum ringlets and wash out my white skirt...)