I thought of it as a tiny old lady gunky skin debris vacuum. And as we all know, you can scrub your entire home, from top to bottom, but without the final vacuum tracks, it's as if you haven't lifted a finger. Might just as well have been blogging all freakin' day long. Not that I've ever done that, but probably you have. (condescending head tilt and face scrunch) So this hundred dollar vacuuming was very, very, VERY NECESSARY, DEAR. ABOUT AS NECESSARY AS YOUR LAST MOTORCYCLE ACCESSORY.
So now here's your assignment, friends. When you see me over the course of the next several weeks, I expect a hearty, "OOOOOHHHH, LIIIIISSSAAAA...YOU ARE POSITIVELY GLOWING. IN FACT, SO YOUTHFUL ART THOU, THAT I FULLY EXPECT TO SEE A CRACK UP THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FACE, BECAUSE YOUR COUNTENANCE SO CLOSELY RESEMBLES A BABY'S RUMP!"
Is that so hard? That's all I ask, people. The truth. Plain and simple....and exaggerated beyond recognition.
Back to necessary, I've been introduced by my face pimp, Jill, an addictive product pusher, to a new ware named "Skincerity." It's this mask stuff that you put on at night and it basically seals in your skin juices. Two things~it's dreadfully expensive and yet, enormously vital to my baby bum face. Makes zits go away. Makes pores go away. Makes money go away. But I think the rule is~ two outweighs one, right? Greater good, people. Always remember that noble decree.
So I'll let you know how this goes. Or better yet, why don't YOU let me know how this goes. If you see me and I SCREAM YOUTHFUL ESSENCE, then we'll know it's worth the price.
"YOUTHFUL ESSENCE, YOUTHFUL ESSENCE, YOUTHFUL ESSENCE!" She screamed!
And can I just say, I never, ever, EVERRRRRR thought I'd be throwing this much cash into the Fountain of Youth. I used to just toss a dirty penny and a wish every now and then. But lately, hell, I might as well chuck in credit cards without limit and let the waters wash away my life savings.
But as long as I go out looking like the way I came in, it's worth it? Right?
Don't answer that.