Thursday, April 29, 2010

NUBILE DANCE MOVES





Hooooollllleeeeeeeee cow. I am exhausted. It's over. The assembly. And some of you are the freakin' diamelle, topaz and heliotrope jewels in my crowning glory, for your willingness to sport a green gang headband, tight Letterman's jacket and big sleeved prom dresses that have likely seen better (thinner) days. I actually bought you each a package of Chiclets, but "forgot" to give them to you. I know. Sad. But, listen...it's the thought that counts, friends. (chomp, chomp, chew)

I did, however, manage to throw out my hip and cripple both feet and a thigh within 24 hours. On account of I had to wear pointy heels all morning, cuz it was for the greater good, called fashion sense. But my toes are all about "what's in it for me" and were RAGING MAD. So I hissed for them to shut up, and reminded them of the profound words my mother raised me with, to explain the plight of the pretty...and that is, "Beauty is pain, dear." Which always shut me up.

But they didn't respond with long suffering, so I slapped them up the side of the foot and shoved them back inside the patent leather. And when the music was cranked, I couldn't hear them screaming, but alas, when I limped out to my car, the PIGS WERE SQUEALING, FOLKS! OUI, OUI, OUI, SNORT AAALLLL THE WAY HOME! Stupid fat pigs.

Plus, then, I have some mad dance skills that I felt weirdly compelled to show off to the student body last night. It might have been something like, oh, I don't know... maybe standing on one leg while holding the other leg behind my back by the ankle, and yanking it forward to the beat of the music, while the other hand is put to the back of the head, shoving it forward and jerking the elbow in time. Something similar to (exactly) that.

And yes, I know...so shut up.

I'm just trying to figure out what happened to my brain, as it usually discerns what kind of laughter it is...With...At...those are two very different things, you know. The filter must have been clogged up with cholesterol.

So anyway, my eye twitch is diminishing, as well as the consistent, day and night, "She must have just been weighed at the Dr.s office," thud and thump of my heart...and the concern that I may lose my hearing when the blood pressure brain bleed ruptures my eardrums.

And to reward myself, I went to TARGET...my earthly god. For your vicarious thrill, I have included pictures of the stuff I bought that has put a sideways smile upon my girlish face. Yes, I said girlish. Don't be so cynical.

If you need me to, I can always prove it, by showing you my nubile dance moves...........and I will.

Don't think I won't.......................................just later.



Much later.








9 comments:

kara elmore said...

FIRST OF ALL ... that cherry suit?? TARGET? I will go purchase it tonight. And that POLKA DOT ONE? My size??????????????????????

YOU LOOKED lovely in your shoes - and you were AMAZING today Lisa! SO amazing. So KIND - so in control ... so wonderful!!! I was So proud to call you my SISTER!!!

My feet are KILLING ME! But ahhh yes - beauty IS pain and it WAS worth it. HOWEVER ... I seriously am crippled right now. Can't wait. Limping. And there are 2 bruises forming. Crap. I told my feet to shut it, too!

Pearl said...

you are too funny! and i totally want to see that dance. Is it similar to Elaine dancing on Seinfeld? ;)

Krista said...

Beauty is pain, dahling! You must be in a lot of pain! *wink* *wink*. You don't know how much I wanted to go. Instead I'm seeing the doctor and getting MRIs and making up time and going to skoo-ill! (Remember when the littlies used to say that?) Can we have a huge Alumni party on a Friday or Saturday night when I can come? I couldn't go with my lesbian haircut anyway.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Poor little piggies! Since I have unusually large feet I will often try to cram them into shoes that are too small, all in the name of beauty.

And what? No picture of your shoes? I feel so.. left out f the party!

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I thought I heard some raging mad Piggies from afar, but then who knew they were yours trying to get out of those fashionable shoes.
I'll bet your assembly was fantastic!
You'll be laughing about it for months.
Love your red/blue choices of clothes & tablecovers!

Mimi Sue said...

You've got some cute polka dots too. I'll be on my way to Target to take a look. Too bad sensible shoes are so unattractive. In a couple of years high heeled, pointy toes will be out and our feet will be happy once again. Mimi

Anonymous said...

Yessss!!!! Its over!!! I heard it was A-maaaa-zing, of course it was because you were in charge and took part. Love you Lis! Heather

See Mom Smile said...

Wish there was a video of that. Yes I have pounded into my girl's heads that beauty is pain. And that was usually after I burnt them with the curling iron!

Neen said...

Just for the record, Lisa is an amazing dancer! When she goes to chaperone (sp?) a dance she ends up showing the poor saps how it's really done! Yes, I know, you pay for it later but it's money well spent my friend! You were amazing! You were the only one I knew who could pull something like that off that would appeal to the student and alumni a like! Well done, well done! And a big thanks! I won't be a phone spider for a little while again.... okay you may have the weekend, oh whoops... someone has to speak in Stake Conference..... =0) OK, you have next week off, unless I can think of something more! HA!