Hooooollllleeeeeeeee cow. I am exhausted. It's over. The assembly. And some of you are the freakin' diamelle, topaz and heliotrope jewels in my crowning glory, for your willingness to sport a green gang headband, tight Letterman's jacket and big sleeved prom dresses that have likely seen better (thinner) days. I actually bought you each a package of Chiclets, but "forgot" to give them to you. I know. Sad. But, listen...it's the thought that counts, friends. (chomp, chomp, chew)
I did, however, manage to throw out my hip and cripple both feet and a thigh within 24 hours. On account of I had to wear pointy heels all morning, cuz it was for the greater good, called fashion sense. But my toes are all about "what's in it for me" and were RAGING MAD. So I hissed for them to shut up, and reminded them of the profound words my mother raised me with, to explain the plight of the pretty...and that is, "Beauty is pain, dear." Which always shut me up.
But they didn't respond with long suffering, so I slapped them up the side of the foot and shoved them back inside the patent leather. And when the music was cranked, I couldn't hear them screaming, but alas, when I limped out to my car, the PIGS WERE SQUEALING, FOLKS! OUI, OUI, OUI, SNORT AAALLLL THE WAY HOME! Stupid fat pigs.
Plus, then, I have some mad dance skills that I felt weirdly compelled to show off to the student body last night. It might have been something like, oh, I don't know... maybe standing on one leg while holding the other leg behind my back by the ankle, and yanking it forward to the beat of the music, while the other hand is put to the back of the head, shoving it forward and jerking the elbow in time. Something similar to (exactly) that.
And yes, I know...so shut up.
I'm just trying to figure out what happened to my brain, as it usually discerns what kind of laughter it is...With...At...those are two very different things, you know. The filter must have been clogged up with cholesterol.
So anyway, my eye twitch is diminishing, as well as the consistent, day and night, "She must have just been weighed at the Dr.s office," thud and thump of my heart...and the concern that I may lose my hearing when the blood pressure brain bleed ruptures my eardrums.
And to reward myself, I went to TARGET...my earthly god. For your vicarious thrill, I have included pictures of the stuff I bought that has put a sideways smile upon my girlish face. Yes, I said girlish. Don't be so cynical.
If you need me to, I can always prove it, by showing you my nubile dance moves...........and I will.
Don't think I won't.......................................just later.