Saturday, April 24, 2010

PIONEER CHILDREN

It's Saturday. That means I woke up snarling, but I shoved a piece of chocolate in my jaws and flipped on a church music CD. It's all good now.

It's like pioneer children who sang as they walked and walked and walked. But it's more like Lisa's children cleaned as they whined and whined and whined...and whined. They slur and stumble, so drunken with whine are they. But it's not just whine...it's bawling and eye rolls and leaving piles of crap littering the stairs and vacuuming only the middle section of their bedrooms, leaving dust bunnies alone to fornicate, multiply and replenish the pollen count in my home.

No wonder none of my kids can pronounce their consonants.

Side note regarding house cleaning...We bought a new washer last night. Our drum barrel was going out on our old one...and by old, I mean an ancient SIX YEARS! It had lost it's teeth, eyesight and walked with a limp. I think washer years are like dog years.

So it was more like~hmmm. Wait. My age.

Anyway, can I just say, without fear of lawsuit, because I'm kind of like Oprah, and remember what she did to the beef industry when she said she wouldn't eat hamburgers anymore? Well, so we're similar, in that I have a huge fan base and following, as so many of you want to emulate me, as well you should, so I have to be really careful with the words out of my blog, else I could turn the economy on a dime. And even with that in mind, I'm still going to say that I HAAAATE FRONT LOADERS! HAAAATE, HAAAATE, HAAAAAAAAATE!!! And I hate the idiot environmentalists that came up with the idea of returning to "olden days, didn't work back then, but still, let's revisit the dark ages of laundry" energy savers. Yeah, no. Bad idea then. Bad idea now.

Three words. Low flow toilets.

Three more words. Several extra flushes.

One word. Floaters.

One more word. Ew.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Lest ye environmentalists call me ugly names, I'll say for the record that I chose an ENERGY STAR top loader. But only because it was my only choice. And guess what?

I kill spiders.

That's right, you heard me~even in their own environment.

And I laugh while I do it.

So there. (my tongue is out and I look really mature)











10 comments:

Krista said...

I'm the first one here! Yea! I have a front loader....I just wish it had a pedestal, but that would mean I would have to get off of it first. Actually, can't say I love bending over to get my clothes out, scraping my knuckles many times over the years. But can't afford a new one.....so. Did I ever tell you I had a wringer washer when I lived in Oz. I seriously did. Hand-me-down. Beggars aren't choosers. I didn't own a dryer the entire time I lived there. No, we were not rednecks - we were tough Aussies we were.

kara elmore said...

That is SO weird that your kids whine while cleaning. Mine don't. They SING - happily! They whistle - and they sweep and they shoo rats away ... all while making up a glorious song about their mother - who loves them.

So - apparently you've done something WRONG in your rearing ... yep. you have. Because I won. I win the HAPPY award!!!

hold please ... I have to restart the Enchanted movie .. I just love it when the hair ball is plucked from the shower drain. Ohhh glorious music.

Anonymous said...

Saturday is a special day, it's the day we yell at lazy children!!! I REALLY should try the church music. The EAGLES are BLASTING in my house every Saturday morning. I like the EAGLES but really---that LOUD?!?!? And no, it's NOT being played by my children!

Congratulations on the washer! If I need to "soak" anything, I'll give you a jingle! That's what I miss about my top-loader!!!

And thanks for porch sitting with me last night! Sure was entertaining :) Anony

Pearl said...

I have a front loader, we've had it just about a year. It does not clean as well as my trusty 10 year old top loader washer did. THOSE were the good 'ole days.

I sing songs to my children when they start whining...songs like "Love at home" you know, trying to guilt them into loving house work. It doesn't work so well....but it's fun!

McClendon said...

You KILL spiders!?!?!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Front loaders are SOOO overrated! Okay, not that I would know, I'm just taking your word for it.

Growing up in FL where the spiders are as big as my open hand, I tend to leave spiders alone because their hairy little long legs always manage to touch you while squishing. Eww. And they eat cockroaches. Not that we have those here but hey, some memories die hard.

And my kids NEVER whine! Like, ever.

KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER) said...

Ditto on the front loaders. And the spiders.

Mimi Sue said...

Well, since I did have a very short hippie stage, (sr year high school, tiny bit of college), I do make the mister take inside spiders outside so they can live a long and happy life. Also, when all your kids move out you only remember the good times, not the bad. I think the prozac I took when I lived with three teenagers helped. Mimi

Neen said...

Sign me up for the Prozac!!!

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Not fair those short lived high priced appliances, I'll agree quietly here!

Do not miss the whiney Saturdays...not one bit!