Cute second son is running for Jr. Pres~
Vintage Coca-Cola posters with his face photoshopped in...
Hey, pals! Okay then. I'm done with bed and Lortab and stinkin' up the joint with my sweaty head. Actually had a dream that I was hugging people and I smelled sour~ew~so I woke up sheepish and ran straight to the shower. Wouldn't want those imaginary dream people to judge me, you know.
Speaking of clean, I have to come clean on something. Some of you dear peeps have "assumed" that I was speaking of a more serious procedure~akin to the ripping out of innards that I spoke of wanting to do on my own. I hang and swing my head in shame.
Though I've loved the sympathy and phone calls and blog comments and candy and decorating magazines and love notes and offers of dinners being brought in, I find it necessary to put up a hand to halt! I AM UNDESERVING, FRIENDS! Kind of red faced to say the only thing I had done was a burning and inserting. Of which only one was actually successful. Dammitalltohell. So SAVE THOSE TENDER MERCIES FOR NICE, because eventually they'll have to go back in and do RIGHT what they should have DONE RIGHT in the first place. And then I'll enjoy your lovely meal and earnest faces. But for now, I'm not nearly so sick as you thunk me to be.
And though not completely triumphant, all was not lost, as I learned a couple of things. After coming out of my very first anesthesia stupor, and thinking (being the operative word here) how INCREDIBLY STUPID THE WOMAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CURTAIN SOUNDS! OH MY GOSH! SLUR, SLUR, SLURRRRRRING HER WORDS! I KNOW I DON'T SOUND THAT STUPID! Also, being ASTONISHED that it was all over JUST. LIKE. THAT! And I didn't remember a THING after them saying you'll feel the effects soon, and I had started to feel the effects in my NOSE, and so I POINTED AT MY NOSE TO SHOW THEM WHERE I WAS FEELING THE EFFECTS, then suddenly, HERE I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND IT'S OVER! THAT IS JUST STINKIN' FREAKIN' AMAZING! I CAN ONLY HOPE I DIDN'T LET LOOSE WITH A STINKER WHILE I WAS UNDER! And I thought these same thoughts over and over, for a good five minutes or so.......well, the thing I LEARNED about coming out of anesthesia is that there is a TEEEEENY, TIIIIIINY, WHISPER THIN FINE LINE BETWEEN WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SAYING OUT LOUD! In FACT, that line is sooooooo fine, that often times, they're one and the same.
Another thing I learned is that nobody really needs to, or wants to, or should know how many people they called in to gather round your...open knees...to see what they could do about getting one of those things to insert. Apparently, it was like feeding a "wet spaghetti noodle into a needle's eye" (Dr.'s words) and they called in extra hands with different vantage points to try to shove that pasta through. Also, did you know they can inject Novocaine into your fallopian tubes? Makes them relax~just like a hot bubble bath. Anyway, plenty of observers-turned-active-participants during my unconscious plight. Thereby making it impossible for me to look anybody in the eye, in the whole clinic, as they might have different memories of our...interaction...than I had.
So that's where we stand. The burning and the learning went well, the thinking and speaking were indistinguishable, and the participants many and varied.
In retrospect, maybe I need one last Lortab for the road. Help to knock out a memory or two that I sincerely feel I can do without.