SO, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAKES ME FORGET ALL ABOUT THE ALUMNI ASSEMBLY I'M IN CHARGE OF IN TWO WEEKS, WEATHER OUTSIDE, LADIES AND GENTS! What a tender mercy.
Oh, you caught that part about the alumni assembly? Well, yes. It's been on my mind a little bit lately. And because friends share their inner most thoughts, here's a little peek into my scattered gray matter for the last several weeks~the hours between 11:00 PM and 7:00 AM...
Dream, dream, drift off and dream about OH MY HE&%, OH MY HE&%, YOU STILL DON'T HAVE THE JOCK DANCE-OFF TEAM PUT TOGETHER! YOU TOLD HER YOU'D GET HER THE LIST SO SHE COULD START TEACHING THEM THE DANCE AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T DONE IT! LIGHTNING FLASHES, THUNDER CRASHES! OH MY HE&%, OH MY HE&%, OH MY HE&%!!!!
Snooze, relax, breathing dies down to HOLY FREAKING COWS, HOW MANY ALUMNI ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO ATTEND? MAYBE THEY'VE ALL LIED AND SAID THEY'D BE THERE, BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, THEY FORGET and THERE ARE ONLY 6 OF US?! THAT'S RIGHT, SIX!!! FILTHY TOILETS OVERFLOW WITH MANURE WATER! WAKE UP, ADRENALINE SURGE AND FLIP ON EVERY LIGHT SO YOU CAN WRITE DOWN THESE FLEETING BUT URGENT THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW ON YOUR BEDSIDE LIST. HURRY, QUICK, QUICK, BEFORE THEY DUMP OUT OF YOUR LITTLE PEA BRAIN AND SOAK INTO YOUR PILLOW, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN UNTIL THE MORNING OF THE ASSEMBLY WHEN IT'S TOO LATE!
Finally fall asleep and dream of little shimmering fairies that turn into OLD, WHISKERY FAT CHINNED MEN DRESSED IN ALUMNI CHEERLEADING UNIFORMS AND BUILDING A PYRAMID THAT COLLAPSES ON THE HIGH SCHOOL STAGE, INTO A PILE OF BROKEN BONES, SHATTERED DREAMS AND HIP REPLACEMENTS AS THE AMBULANCE SIRENS SCREAM PAST MY BEDROOM WINDOW, ALL TO THE TUNE OF LADY GAGA'S JUST DANCE!
And that right there is just a weeeeeee, liiiiiittllllle, teeeeeeeny, tiiiiiiiny glimmer of insight into what is causing my blood pressure to SOOOOOOAAAAARRRRR to the HIGHEST HEIGHTS OF THE MEDICAL CHARTS...which will be really good for me when I show up for my "procedure" next week and they have to make me lie on my left side until it calms down enough that they can put me under. They may even have to perform the surgery while I lie on my left side. I guess guts are guts, no matter which way the body is situated.
Anyway, is it any wonder I've found solace in stale circus peanuts? And maybe a box or two of hot tamales? Or maybe a few (10) bars of chocolate and "found" Easter Bunny remains? See, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get through big, fat, STUPID assignments that don't even result in being elected class president or receiving a higher salary...or any salary.
It's my very own homemaker/wife/mother/blog writer reward system. And if the numbers on the scale are any indication of my prosperity, well, let's just say it's lookin' PRETTY DARN GOOD FOR ME, PEOPLE! NAME IN NEON LIGHTS, GOOD!
Ah, the sweet taste of success........tastes suspiciously like circus peanuts.