Monday, May 10, 2010

CHOCOLATE CAULK

Well, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! What do you mean, 'Huh?' Wasn't yesterday Christmas? Oh, that's right. It just felt like it to me. See, I spent months, weeks, days, hours and minutes in anticipation of the event~my missionary son's phone call~and yesterday was the day! SO EXCITING! Aaagghhhh! Scream, scream, scream!

And suddenly, here it is! Christmas morning! A flurry of shredded wrapping paper, shrieks of excitement, and the joy, the thrill of getting EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED! HOW DID YOU KNOW? Then Wam, Bam, Thank you, ma'am!...over just like that.

Boxes and decor litter the floor, the cat plays with strewn tinsel and the tree skirt is barren...and I look at the carnage...of my soul...and wonder if it was all worth it? See, I'd forgotten about that hole in my heart. And for one hour and 10 minutes yesterday, the jigsaw puzzle was complete. What a glorious picture it made, too. MY ETERNAL FAMILY, just exactly as I remembered!

But alas, with the disconnect of the telephone line, the child is once again removed and I am left rent and clutching at what seems to me, a gaping wound in my chest where he belongs...

...But he doesn't really. He is where he belongs, and I know it. And should he suddenly reappear and say he was here to stay, I'd duct tape him to the next plane heading back to Brazil and tell him to return when his service has been rendered and not. one. second. before. Just so we're clear.

But for now, I weep. And I do my best to fill the hole with chocolate caulk and Dr. Pepper. I have no choice. My hands are tied. A mother's heart cannot sustain a fissure for long. It must be healed. And until my son is returned to me, this is my only option.

Love that Elder Ashton Sterling Bingham.






7 comments:

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Oh yea for missionaries!
My two boys will overlap so they will both be gone at the same time.

Not sure how I'm going to handle it!

Erica said...

Tears...turkey. you - making me cry again. Someone should just hook me up to gosh-darned hose, for all of hecks sakes!! I'm right there - feeling your once again well-said words. Pride, fear, love, gratitude, anxiety, emptiness, fullness...like a witch's caldron boiling over, except I never know which ingredient will hit the ground first. Guess I don't need to know anything except, as you said, he's where he belongs.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

My how Dr. Pepper seems to be a cure all for most things...aching mothers hearts and such.

Yesterday we watched some 20 yr. old family videos and first son appears at the airport leaving for his mission, started to remember some of those feelings your sharing. His wife not to happy about seeing "son to be waiting Missionary girlfriend " (who didnt wait) there with him!
Love the duct tape scenerio...pretty good.

Anonymous said...

Did I tell you about the time we gave a beautiful garter away as a wedding gift? We advertised that we were going to give away a beautiful garter, except a typo appeared. You know how the "g" is quite close to the "f" on a keyboard? Yeah. We'll be more careful next time.
Your mother

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

talk about typo...I meant to say "SOON to be waiting girlfriend of missionary".
I shouldnt comment right after work, even a proof read doesnt help.

Anonymous is your MOTHER? What a funny story.
It's probably your FATHER TOO just basking in the glory of teaching his pretty daughter how to cleaverly tell funny stories every day.

It's got alot to do with apples that don't fall far from the trees doesnt it?

Krista said...

So glad you got to talk to him! Your Mother's Day was complete! He'll be home before you know it.

Pearl said...

Awwww! Boys, they seem to mess everything up! Be it missions, or getting married or making messes.

Glad you got to talk to your missionary and glad that Dr.Pepper temporarily fills your broken heart.