Wednesday, May 26, 2010

STUPID ROSE






Well, Sniff has gone to get his braces off. If the before and after pics are posted, you'll know he was fully triumphant. But for now, them chicks ain't hatched, cuz we all know that sometimes Orthodontists who say "you'll get your braces off sooner if you wear metal head gear to school" are like Contractors who say "your house should be done by Christmas" are like Doctors who say "you need only gain 20-25 pounds in your pregnancy" are like magazines with articles about how women have the same "desire" as men are like Weight Watchers who say"nothing tastes as good as thin feels" are like manufacturers making tags stating one size fits all are like super centers that say "the customer is always right" are like ice cream cartons that say a "serving size is 1/2 cup" are like movie stars who say they "haven't augmented anything" are like...well anyway...they lie.

So in the meantime, I got another call from daughter, anxious to tell me about yet one more playground injury! This time she jumped off the jungle gym and landed SIDEWAYS ON HER FOOT, PEOPLE!

SO. MUCH. PAIN. AND. AFFLICTION. HEAPED like fertilizer upon one small, helpless, frail set of limping shoulders.



Also posting my first beautiful yellow rose of the season. And I don't know about any of you, but I can't say the word ROSE without saying STUPID first.

So Thanks a lot, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet and the sinking Titanic and James Cameron and Nearer My God to Thee and The Heart of the Ocean and inappropriate boobage in an otherwise magnificent film.

Stupid Rose.





10 comments:

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Your really on a roll here Lisa...I'm trying to figure out what is going on here...

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

P.S.
Love your son, he even wears red/white checked shirts.
Means he is a mamma's boy.

reasonably chubby said...

Haha! I love the 'heaped like fertilizer on one small, frail, helpless set of limping shoulders.' Poor little baby daughter. Mama I think she hates school... Or desperately needs attention? I know I do. By the way, I have a terribly hurting owie on my little toe.

Sunshine said...

Your daughter cracks me up. I don't know what I would do if my daughter called to tell me she got hurt... because, um, well she wouldn't. She is such a tomboy that a battle scar like a twisted ankle would elevate her status to supreme ruler of the playground...

or something like that..

You, my dear, are a fabulous writer. Thanks for the entertainment.

annie said...

I am imagining you writing that all in one breath!
Teeth look good!

Lisa said...

You're all my peeps. Heart pound, kiss throw. And Sara, she IS a tomboy in all the ways I hate. That's what sucks. (right now she's telling me how she thinks she bruised her ankle...)

The Martos Fudge said...

OUCH... hope your baby feels better, I know what you mean about the rose... Way to mess up a perfectly good movie.

Sunshine said...

well, she does have 3 older brothers....

My daughter is such a tomboy she won't wear nail polish. Nail polish! Do you want to know why she won't wear it? Because the boys will laugh. The boys! Like the boys in 4th grade look at fingernails...

rolls eyes...

Sad to say my daughter is not girly in the least.

Anonymous said...

Aawwww, Sniff looks all growed up now! AND I need to come see the new "paint job" on the red brick! I'm just so grateful to my granade launchin', bomb makin', brick mail box destroyin' (with a vehicle-no explosives), spray paintin' neighborhood boys so I can tell my boys what NOT to do! One day, we will sit in our rockers on our front porch and laugh at these GOOD TIMES :)

As for your daughter...I love her. Living with 3 older brothers will make her strong(er)! Anony :)

Krista said...

Oh my heck! I go to bed early ONE night and I missed this!? We so got to get our girlies together. Your son is such a handsome little fella! Has he seen pictures of my daughter? Don't show him, we don't want them fallin' in love at such an early age. Lookin' forward to playin' - I mean seriously learnin' tomorrow & Sat.