Thursday, May 13, 2010

SPOONFUL OF SUGAR

I just returned from being the reading group tutor (chaperone) for my daughter's class. It's 4th grade, which means thanks to hormonal and general maturation disparities, compliments of a God with a dry sense of humor, the girls know everything and the boys don't know why.

It's painful to watch. If you're a male and you even LOOK like you might be about to pronounce a word incorrectly, it's best to just go prone, as every A-cup sportin' girl in the group senses trepidation and takes the sprinter position of "predatory-animal-about-to-make-a-kill"~ at the ready to ATTACK and ANNIHILATE the feeble reader, hissing and biting out the correct annunciation before it has a chance to drip off the obviously daft tongue.

The poor lads just stammer and stutter their way through the excruciating 20 minute routine, eyes darting up to the girl's faces, as unfamiliar words cause them to tremble and sweat. Every once in a while, they get through a passage without making a single mistake, and there is a sweet moment of triumph. But it's rare, folks. And short lived. Because all little Britney has to do is roll her eyes and the win is dis.missed. Poof. Like it never even happened.

But the day will come, peeps. For right now, they're still too young to understand that they'll eventually find their gonads and will outdo the smug, arrogant maidens in a myriad of affairs, including but not limited to armpit hair, paychecks and the awe inspiring ability to lose ten pounds just by going to the bathroom. Sadly, until then, they're at their mercy. Cowering, defeated and humble.

And that's why I bring Smarties~lots of them~as a reward. A spoonful of sugar helps the pride go down.


Just ask Mary Poppins.




And my husband.





9 comments:

Krista said...

'Cause you are what you eat! Smarties! Why is it that girls develop faster than boys? None of our children should develop until after high school.

Mimi Sue said...

So glad I'm too old to have to help in classrooms and watch the annihilation. Going through it was bad enough. But you are so right! The boys always triumph in the end. Loved your chocolate caulk post. I've been doing some (OK a lot) of caulking with peanut butter cups today. I'll try to come up with some witty and in depth answers to your 5 questions. Of course they will never be as good as princess Lisa's but I said I'll try. Maybe later this week when I've got my blood in my sugar level back to normal. Mimi

See Mom Smile said...

You describe prepubescent kids to a tee!!!! Chaperoning them is painful. You are a Smartie carrying saint.

Pearl said...

That's why I refuse to torture, I mean volunteer myself at the kidlets school. Poor kids! And what's more awesome than a smartie carrying mom?!?

Neen said...

All the girls do when I'm in there is laugh and laugh and laugh. I can hardly stand it. Thank goodness for a darling boy who makes it all worth it. The girls, I want to drop punt back into their class and have them tell the teacher why the heck they are back so early. I suppose it's the age. However, they're darling in primary. Go figure.

It Rhymes with Witch said...

I enjoy dancing during my volunteer time - my 6th grader just loves me for it! I have to remind her that I had her, just so I could embarrass her!

Erica Borrowman said...

How true is this?? It's true. It is. In every sense of any word. All of it. True.

Erica Borrowman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christy said...

Absolutely hilarious! Do you know how many of those same fourth grade boys were beat by their female counterparts in arm wrestling today? Ha!