Sunday, May 2, 2010

KISSES, BOOGS AND TOENAILS

Remnants found on the kitchen table after a certain child vacated~a dried up booger and a toenail.

There just aren't words.

So good news, people. I don't even REMEMBER what time I fell asleep last night, and there was not one single panic attack from 4:00 AM until 7:00 AM. I slept like a drunk! I was all sauced up on peace and tranquility and, OK, maybe a weensy little, hardly noticable and surely not inappropriate dose of Nyquil. But whatever. (cough, cough, achoo! See? Totally medicinal and necessary)

Remember how it is the last two months of pregnancy when your nose bloats, and there's a foot in your chest cavity playing 'kick the can' with your lung at any given time and you spend every waking moment pushing down hard on your stomach, working to leverage a bosom full of air, mouth breathing just to stay alive and trying to halt your mind from going into fight or flight when it recognizes that you're THE FOOTBALL AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DOG PILE AND YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO DIE OF ASPHYXIATION. 'Member that? Well, I just gave birth.

So the only other "thing" I have this week is an etiquette presentation for a gaggle of crass, raunchy youth. I KNOW!!!! PHYSICIAN, HEAL THYSELF! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

It's OK though~I'm not charging. They can't sue.

So after that, it's back to noon thirty showers for me.

I forgot to mention third son's birthday was this past week. And MAN, WAS HE RIPPED OFF! Blizzarding, stupid snow outside and him sick in bed for two days with "My skin hurts," rolling, glazed eyeballs and fever. And more boogs than I have ever in my life heard blown out of nasal passages. The snot gods worked feverishly day and night to refresh the supply, lest he run out.

We tried to fix it. We took him out to lunch. We showered him with gifts. We even let him order a Pepsi. All of which were white noise to the pounding in his head and mucus in his ears. Ah, well. There's always next year. And wouldn't it SUCK to be a kid again and know you had to wait another stinkin' YEAR? Man, I'm glad I can spend myself into a good mood whenever I need to.

Which is often.

But it's OK, cuz I'm the mom.

Well, it's nearing noon thirty. I'm off!

Kisses, boogs and toenails, peeps!






7 comments:

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Poor kid. What a bummer birthday!

And suddenly I remember why I loathe pregnancy so much....

Pearl said...

yummmm...who doesn't like the thought of boogers?!? GROSSNESS!!

What a sad b-day! Next year better be WAY good.

And I'm SOOOOOO glad I'm not preggo!

kara elmore said...

Pearl - ME too ... I am SO glad I'm not preggo! I mean THINK OF THAT? ALLLLL SUMMER LONG!!!! Like EWWWWWWWW!!!

oh wait. nevermind. Lisa is TALKING ABOUT ME!!! :) Oh well - at least she'll shower me with gifts. Which really - is the reason I am good w/ this baby. It's ALL about the Lisa gifts.

And poor seffy. He was darling yesterday. Love that boy!!!

Krista said...

I think you should have left a fresh one on the guilty toenail, booger kid's pillow. I would kill - or threaten revenge, but in my kids' cases they would be very worried. I could have taught brat classes.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

ewwww....
hey Lisa how did your talk go?

Happy birthday 3rd son, sorry your so sick.

See Mom Smile said...

Yea my fave thing is the dried boogies on the walls next to my kids beds. Gald you gave birth and can rest a bit now, even if it is medicated.

Mimi Sue said...

I was always so glad when baby dropped and I could breathe again. Too bad it then felt like I was sitting on it's head. I just can't think of one thing about being pg that's fun. Oh wait. Elastic waistbands...Mimi