Monday, June 21, 2010


I've been reading a lot of young mother blogs lately, and how they're celebrating their child's first birthday with enormous frosted cupcakes, vintage garland and professional candids to capture the mother's white toothed smile as she prances about in her skinny jeans, holding captive the audience of 12 month old party goers, gleeful and shimmering and never once breaking into an oniony sweat.

Which got me all misty eyed recalling my son's first birthday, and how we celebrated by chucking him fully dressed into the shower and shoving his screaming face under the nozzle till he nearly drowned, while scrubbing his eyeballs out with SOS pads...which is something I'd highly recommend, because everyone knows that nothing says happy happy joy joy like soap and Brillo in the surely that was the best way two idiot first time parents knew to rid the kid of the cup of kerosene he'd just dumped over his head.

All of the party pictures are of him clawing at his eyeballs and shrinking and repelling from his parent's touch. Weird. But I sure wish we could have afforded the professional photographer to capture the...essence...of our (incompetent) little family. Oh well. It's all safe and sound in my mind's eye~and we ALL know how spot-on Princess Lisa's recollection can be.

Anyway, fast forward 18 years, and here I am preparing for an EXCITING MATERNITY SHIRT BIRTHDAY PARTY!

What's that? Some new fangled fiesta franchise?

Well, actually, it's daughter's birthday party I committed to host based upon a really, really cute 4th of July bucket I saw at Target. Which is right along the same lines as finding a darling maternity shirt, then getting pregnant just so you can wear it. Tremendous amount of foresight in both of those scenarios...fortunately, my party will never demand that I "Come and inspect the bum!" before climbing down from the toilet, or want to live in my basement until it can afford a place of it's own.

I wish I could say I've learned my lesson, but if you see me in a cute new maternity shirt...well, don't ask.


annie said...

isn't that how it always is? You dream big, think big, but when it actually comes down to it, you just want it over with!

Holly said...

But you see... Pictures LIE!! They frequently show fantasies, not reality!! LOL!!

Well, just be grateful it's not your daughter in the maternity shirt for other reasons wanting to stay on your insurance because she's unwed and unemployed... OK, for many that's probably NOT FUNNY! To THOSE, I apologize... But Lisa might get a LITLLE chuckle. ;p (My sisters would NOT... 2 because that was THEM and the other because that was her DAUGHTER... but hers was turning 17 *sigh*)

ANYWHO... I wanted to share something with you for your son that's BRILLIANT on that KEYBOARD!! JS is having a contest and I could SO SEE him WINNING IT!! Hehehe!! Have him check it out at

Jackie said...

wait. kerosene. what?

Also. Are you making some sort of announcement?

Kara Elmore said...

All I can say is that if I see you in a maternity shirt... there is NOOOOO way you're getting back the GOBS and GOBS of clothes you've GIVEN me .. not LENT me .. but GIVEN me. Because they're MINE. And even if you produce a miraculous child - the clothing STAYS with ME! In exchange for me actually shooting pics of your newborn. That seems fair.

Sunshine said...

ha ha ha...

did you go to the reunion?

One Cluttered Brain said...

They grow up so fast don't they?

Sarah loves it all said...

Oh I am so gonna be one of those moms you are talking about. Except I do actually admit in my post that planning the party was a terribly stressful experience- and maybe even throw in a few things I learned the hard way.

Sarah loves it all said...

Oh and minus the skinny jeans.

T said...

First birthday parties are ridiculous. I always just baked them a fancy cake and took pictures of them mauling eat while getting a tiny bit in their actual mouths. No need to invite others over to witness the event :)

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

My oldest had her very first birthday party last year when she turned five.

I'm thinking a party every five years is good.

And I have to add that once again, you made me burst out laughing!