PERFECT!

YES! he is just as WICKED AWESOME as we all hoped he'd be. Even MORE handsome, MORE delightful and MORE spiritual than we dared dream.

And listen, folks, don't let's hate, okay? I mean, I'm sorry if YOUR son isn't getting up early to study scriptures and do the dishes that his brother was supposed to do, but never got around to, because he was busy rubbing his own bald head.

And I'm sorry if YOUR son doesn't speak lovingly to his sister, calling her "so cute," and "pretty little Jules," and all sorts of complimentary fluff, even when her own mother can't conjure up a favorable adjective in her behalf.

And I'm sorry if YOUR son doesn't call up the stairs, in reply to you asking who's down there and if they're still playing X-box, "It's me and Chris! Do you want us to come up now? No? Are you sure? Because we will!"

Yes, I'm sorry about all of that. But just because my son is PERFECT, well, it doesn't mean that your son is iMpeRfect...even though it's highly unlikely that your kid can even hold a melting candle in front of the glowing countenance that IS my son.

Anyway, I just wanted to confirm to you all, that from my loin has sprung a specimen of manhood that only the gods could expect to sproing. And he'll be heading up to school at juuuuust...preciiiiisely...the moment that the clock strikes twelve and we're left grasping at his shadow, holding the forsaken glass slipper, which will signal the end of the magic spell that allows us to view him through these rose colored glasses, ne'er to behold him farting or burping or itching his bum in public.

Which is just the way God intended it.

And oh! Hey! I got you something! A little belated, but thoughtful, just the same. Movie making at it's finest! Enjoy!

From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours

He's sleeping at the mission home right now.

Tomorrow, he packs his bags and bids a final farewell to the beautiful people of Brazil—his home for the last two years. Then clothed in one threadbare suit, and leaving behind all the rest, he will climb aboard the plane in the early morning hours that will bring him back across an ocean and a continent and into my waiting arms.

It's been done before, of course. And I'm not speaking of other sons, of other mothers, of other missions—I'm speaking of my own. It's been done before, this coming and going, sending and receiving, giving and taking. Yes, he was mine before he was theirs. And though I am his earthly mother, he was His before he was mine.

I remember a song from a few years past. Beautiful lyrics, relating the story of a young woman who had given up her child for adoption, explaining to the new parents how she had come to this place.

And though the verses are meant for this life...an earthly adoption...I can't help thinking that those pleas sound very familiar. That I was, truly, the interim parent. Having been entrusted to receive these spirits that were given to me by a loving Father in Heaven, and then expected, and even required, to relinquish them to the waiting arms of his next home. Brazil.

And I did.

If only for a little while.

From God's arms...to my arms...to yours.

And now, on bended knee and weeping with gratitude, back into my arms again.

If only for a little while.

SILENT TREATMENT

Well, the demon piggie wind is screaming so ferociously outside, that I have no choice but to stay inside, in front of the fire, drinking something poured over rabbit poop ice and blogging in my pajamas. I'm afraid if I try to get dressed, the wind will tear the size 2 jeans right off my shapely legs, and we can't have that, now can we? Shut up.

Anyway, I'm done giving you the silent treatment—and don't act like you don't know what you did. (two fingered eyeball point) But I think you've been punished long enough. Let us begin:

Happenings lately~

*I hosted a lovely Thanksgiving spread for 38 this past week, and just now noticed the dead flies in the window ledge of the bathroom everybody used.

*Since my son is still in Brazil, it's up to me to register him for his University classes, and I'm too stoopid to do it. Near as I can figure, it's some sort of filtering process—if you're smart enough to maneuver through the maze and find the cheese, well, you're rewarded with four years of tuition, books, fees and loans. But it's okay, because you trade that in for a piece of paper. That probably, and I'm just thinking out loud here, but probably you could find online, and print on your own, for way less money. But whatever. We say it's the journey that matters, folks. But in all my middle aged years, I've never applied for a job where they asked anything about my journey. The paper was all they cared about. Clearly they're not as enlightened as "we" are.

*I went to Just a Bed of Roses. Spent a lot...and I mean A LOT...of money on items that were just a little bit too special to give to you, so I kept them. See, Brenda goes out of her way to buy things especially because she knows I'll like them, and it would really hurt her feelings if I gave them away to others, all willy nilly and such. So in order to keep her heart intact, I'm biting this bullet called materialism and greed and keeping the universe in alignment.

*My son just called and because of power outages, etc, caused by the demon pig winds, wants me to call the school and give him permission to come home. Yeah, right. Like I want him home. Suck it up, son.

*He just texted me, "There's nobody in class!" And I replied, "Except you." He'll thank me one day.

*And lastly, MY MISSIONARY SON WILL BE HOME IN 15 DAYS! I KNOW! I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING EITHER! IT'S JUST SUCH AN ENORMOUS THING TO FATHOM AND IF I'D SHARED WITH YOU HIS LETTERS OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS, YOU'D BE BEATING DOWN MY DOOR TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THIS GODLIKE CREATURE, WHO STARTED OUT AS A SPOILED LITTLE HOP TOAD, AND NOW STANDS ERECT AND SHIMMERING, JUST LIKE EDWARD'S CHEST IN THE SUNLIGHT, EXCEPT HIS IS FROM RIGHTEOUSNESS, NOT SUCKING HUMAN BLOOD.

And THAT is what has been happening around here lately. Oh, plus I need to figure out a way to lose 20 pounds in 15 days, in order that there not be an awkward moment at the airport, wherein my boy searches for his adoring mother amidst the frenzied fans, only to find she's been swallowed by two years worth of Dr. Pepper, divinity and chocolate cream pies. I might need to wear a name tag.

Anyway, hope you've been well and happy and had enough time to think about what you did to deserve no blogs from me for three weeks.

Love forever,

Princess Lisa

I DISCREDIT MYSELF

So tonight I spoke at a Young Women's Evening of Excellence. My old high school friend is the one who made the call, and together, we made a pact—

"I won't discredit you, if you don't discredit me."

We were true to our word.

Turns out I didn't need to worry so much about Holly, but rather my own Princessy self, on account of at the end of the meeting, one of the darling girls approached me with radiant beams shooting out of her smiley eyes and exclaimed, "I READ YOUR BLOG!"

And I'm like, "Oh, thank you, hahahahah—wait, what?"

Then did a supersonic mental card catalogue flip through the last 2 years of blog posts, and realized it was too. late.

Just like Ethel, she'd done already been mooned.

But at least what you see (read, hear) with me, is what you get, right? I mean, I think we all know our fair share of people who spend a fortune on makeup and dental work, since they have two faces to worry about. Usually, by the time you're in the midst of perimenopause, (the stupid spell check is underlining this word, like it's not real...like I made it up! RIGHT! LIKE I'M MAKING UP BURNING MAGMA FLASHES, APE SHIZ CRAZY MOOD SWINGS AND WHAT THE? IS THIS A SIX O'CLOCK SHADOW? WOMANLY FACIAL HAIR. Sheesh. Dumb crap spell check.) Anyway, where was I before it got so hot in here?...

Oh, yeah. Usually, by the time you're old enough to go through "life changes," you're old enough to know better. And I'm happy to say I'm learning. Sometimes still talk out of my fanny, but hopefully not both sides of my mouth. Not often, anyway.

In the end, I figured there was nothing left to do but own it. So I did.

And then I did The Snake. Plus I treated them to my signature knee grab head jerk. Because there's nothing that swipes up the attention in the room, like a foxy babe doing nubile, young dance moves.

Sorry you missed it.

(still really hot in here...has anyone seen my razor?)

PRINCESS AND THE PEA

My dear husband was away for over a week. It was supposed to have been four days, but he heard the siren song of the Mini-Cooper, tossed his return tickets in the trash and decided a trek across the nation was just what the doctor ordered.

Just a little info~he's 6'4 and so was his driving companion. Also, they had double the luggage, on account of they flew to the Carolinas to ride motorcycles through Ashville and surrounding areas. Well, it's cold on a bike, so there were helmets, leather jackets, riding boots, snowmobile suits, etc. Anyway, wrap all that up and tie it in a bow called mini, then open it up after a 3 day road trip and see how things turn out.

Actually, things turned out way better than expected. Especially when you consider that Jeff split his eyebrow open immediately upon entering, not ducking quite low enough to climb in, they got caught in an unexpected winter storm where the driver's door froze shut and required the two of them to climb in and out of the passenger side for two days, they pulled away from a gas station, without realizing they'd left the nozzle in the tank, and the Mini sits 3 inches from the asphalt, leaving the two men starring in their own version of The Princess and the Pea for the entire journey.

Surprisingly, they arrived laughing and joyful, which could be due to medication, but listen, who am I to look that gift horse in the mouth?

Speaking of mouths, mine keeps putting stuff inside of it. However, as I type this, I can look in front of me and see the box holding the walking gadget thingy whopper that will keep track of any calories that I leave behind in a burning heap of rubble, if I exercise. So there is intent, no matter what you may have heard.

But somehow, it still seems like toil and labor. And you know how I feel about that kind of verb and noun. Now if there were some sort of adjectives in front of them, like, "DELICIOUS, CHOCOLATY toil." Or "RELAXING, EFFORTLESS labor," well, things might be a little bit different around here.

But until you can find me some of those rectifying adjectives, I'll just keep staring at that gadget box. And hoping you take care of things before it's too late.

It appears I'm a Socialist. Now who is in charge of paying back my student loans?...

DO OVER DAM BRAIN

I could have slept in today, guiltless, on account of it was UEA break. Which is why my brain said, "Hey, I don't think this will be nearly as much fun for you to sleep in when you can—you know, when it's legal. So just sit back while I open the...hold it...just about...GOT IT! I JUST OPENED THE DO OVER THOUGHT DAM! SORRY! I HAVE TO SCREAM OVER THE TORRENTIAL FLOOD WATERS OF REFLECTION THAT I'VE KEPT IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS, JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO LET THEM GO! AND I KNOW IT'S 4:47, BUT THERE'S NO BETTER TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO LET YOU FLIP AND FILTER THROUGH EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE, DO NOW OR WILL POSSIBLY DO IN THE FUTURE THAT HAS, DOES OR MIGHT POSSIBLY CAUSE IRREPARABLE HARM TO YOUR FAMILY, YOURSELF OR YOUR REPUTATION. HAVE FUN!"

Dam brain.

FALCON STRONG

Beautiful pictures taken by my equally beautiful and exceptionally talented sister, Kara.

Pretty cool, eh? Or as my son would say, "Fartnocken' bombshiz awesome!"

Because he's classy like that.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.