Ashy came home last night~just for a 15 minute visit! Sadly, I was the only one who saw him. I just hated to see him climb into his bright blue dune-buggy and drive back to Brazil. Dear sweet boy. Love him.
And speaking of love...twoo wuv...that bwessed awangement...that dweeam widdin a dweeam. (Princess Bride) GUESS WHAT MY LOVER HUSBAND GAVE TO ME FOR VALENTINES DAY?!!!
NEWER, FRESHER AND BIGGER DIAMONDS!!! That's right. Newer, fresher, bigger...because that's how many cows I am worth.
So let's discuss these diamond cows.
For those not familiar with the story, Johnny Lingo is a hot bodied Don Juan islander who fell in love with MAHANA...YOU UGLY...COME DOWN FROM THAT TREE!~a less than beautiful island girl. He had loved her from their childhood, but she'd been brought low by mean neighbors and a creepy dad~all with really BAAAAADDD wigs. (low budget movie) They thought her worthless and when BARE NAKED (except for a weensy little sarong~but I barely noticed this part, cuz I'm not gross) SMOKIN' JOHNNY WITH THE WAVY HAIR asked for her hand in marriage, they expected it would be payed for with only ONE diseased, skinny cow, as livestock was their form of currency.
While the islanders waited for the groom, the other brides all bragged of their own worth as four or five cow wives. Heifers=worth. BUT ALAS, when Lingo finally arrived, the BIG, BEAUTIFUL HEIFERS just kept coming and coming! EIGHT COWS! EIGHT COWS! Nobody have ever heard of such a thing! Then he whisked her away for months of lusty honeymoon lovin'.
When they returned, she had been transformed into a GLORIOUS ISLAND GIRL, complete with smiling capped teeth and a MUCH better wig! AND A FLOWER IN HER HAIR! Her father was FURIOUS, saying, "YOU CHEAT ME! YOU CHEAT ME! SHE WORTH TEN COWS!"
So do you see, friends? Do you SEE how cows/diamonds=worth=lusty honeymoon lovin'=flowers in hair=good wigs=my husband loves me abundantly and wants to give me lots and lots of (10) cows/diamonds in order to see what I will metamorphosis into?
Which means....I guess he's still waiting....
That first couple of diamonds evidently didn't give him quite the results he was looking for. And to be honest, I'm kind of disappointed in what he ended up with. Especially in the morning. Or anytime before noon. Or when I'm naked.
BUT, and this is important, folks, I AM willing to slather on some fake island tan, pull on a bad wig with a flower tucked behind an ear and wrap myself in a tropical print Moo-Moo. Now isn't THAT sayin' something? Yes, yes it is, friends. It says I earn my keep. And my cow diamonds.
So come hither, hubbie. THIS Moo-Moo Mahana is all yours! Lucky! (now if I could just get down out of this tree)