Wednesday, February 3, 2010

DORA

Feeling creatively parched today. Shriveled lips, cracked and bleeding nail beds, reptilian feet. And yes, I CAN TOO blame it on my creative juices drying up. A good woman can always find something/someone else to point the finger of shame towards.

Anyway, sometimes I'm just as dry as Ferris Bueller's homeroom teacher. "Blog topic. (pause) Blog topic. (pause) Blog topic. (pause)" Just waiting for a response from my brain that has called in sick...and dying, in need of an organ transplant, but it's on the waiting list, so it may be years. Speaking of Ferris, he sure knew how to make the most of his days, didn't he? Makes me feel like my own expectations are pathetic.

Kind of like when I go out to dinner, look down, and realize that JUST the appetizer in this restaurant is more than I would consider preparing as the entire MEAL for my own family. To which I say, SOUP is good people. Soup is fine~FINE, you big babies. No need to go overboard with an entree...or even a roll. It's like the perfect white linen dress~you don't go slapping a Dora the Explorah applique on it to make it BETTER. No, you don't. It's already perfect in it's simplicity.

And if simply soup doesn't put a smile on your face, a plate of deep fried chips and salsa with a smattering of sour cream and guacamole should more than hit the spot. No need to accessorize with a meat, fruit, vegetable (salsa is vegetable) or any other food group. Plus, where is the candy in that Egyptian pyramid? Huh? Huh? I'll tell you where...NO WHERE! Who were the brilliant scientists that left out THAT food group? Looks like their "Ooooo, look at me. I'm a genius mind! I have above a 1.7 GPA" (said with a snotty, stupid baby voice) education had a few holes in it, now, doesn't it? And THAT RIGHT THERE is why I dropped out of college, people! Nothing whatsoever to do with a "below C average three quarters in a row, so you're suspended and can't return until you appear before a board of admissions and academically superior peers and kneel on bended knee, weeping and pleading for them to let you back into the college that you've mocked as "Harrison High" like you were too good to be there, but now they won't allow you on campus until you sign some papers and promise to study and take a 'remedial' course to prove that you're serious, so as not to be a liability to them on a National level" reason.

Let's just say I got engaged to be married just in time.

Furthermore, you're just a whiny, demanding, entitled kid~just like Ferris. You want to go to the ballgame, AND eat a four course meal, AND sing a Beatle's song on a float in the parade...ALL IN A 90 MINUTE MOVIE. Hells bells. 'Bout time somebody taught you to appreciate what you have...or don't have...or what I'm not supplying you with...like nutrition. Plus, your mother's job is to build character, and what better way to accomplish this~in a timely manner~than sacrifice? And YES, willing should be a part of the equation, but we don't have all day, people.

Sheez. Now where was I before you started whining?


Well, it doesn't really matter, since nothing's coming to mind anyway. Except building a pyramid out of Smarties and candy hearts. Huh. Weird. Don't know why that's come to mind.




9 comments:

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

oh lisa, even when your "parched" your hilarious, I have no idea where this comes from. College? Dora? Eating it all at the movies? Amazing to me.

Erica said...

You are hilarious. Let's go back to Harrison High together, shall we? I don't think they'd make me get on bended knee and beg...they know I couldn't get back up and I'd sue and have a ton of money and then I wouldn't need to go back to school. Hey...there's an idea. just kiddin'. I loved this one. Now go one step further and talk about entitlement...bold and life-like. And talk about how a certain (nameless) president is causing it to be much, MUCH worse. Maybe my husband needs to start a blog and talk about that one. Then I wouldn't have to nod my head and say "I know" like I do know...my head will come off it's hinges soon, I think. Ok, ok..gone on long enough. Go further. Be political. Be funny in a political way. Entitlement. That's your next assignment.

Krista said...

Oh my Hannah, Lisa! Harrison High! That is soooooo funny. You know, if I had a below C average I would probably be too embarrassed to blog about it. But now that you've come out of the closet - maybe I will! That and the farting thing. Sorry, I'm still traumatized over that. But if anyone can make farts a funny thing - you can! I've already shocked people that I can belch like a teenage boy. Nicki was a great belcher, too. I hope she never grew out of it. Hey, if you're stuck for a blog topic - you should do the meme "Five Relationship Deal Breakers." Consider yourself tagged by me. Are you slacjbing? I expected "Blue and Shoe". One of these days I'm going to read your 99 older posts and find out why you are called Blue and Shoe.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Krista hasn't read your 99 posts yet??? Now that's a deal breaker for friendship. Even I have read 50?
Oh, scarey political lisa...its a touchy thing religion, you pull it off well, add political...ohhhh scarey!
Are you talking Harrison Heights at weber? I went there in 1972 (don't start counting my age), lets see I will brag along with the rest of you...I lasted 1 quarter...somehow college of that sort was not for me.
So I went to Hollywood Beauty college by ZCMI, thats where I met Carl...from a client.

Lisa said...

Erica, how's this...OBAMA SUCKETH. Is that long enough? Maybe I'll add a few hearts and flowers. You may have assigned me, but obviously, according to my 1.7, I don't really feel an "urgency" to hand in, or even complete, assignments. I'll work on it, though. For YOU. NOT for a professor.

Krista, yes I am slacsjbing. All this time, I was admiring you from afar, and you didn't give me the time of day. Whatever. I'm not bitter. And yes, Nick was about to go professional with her belching skills, but SHE got engaged to be married, too. Put a damper on her career ambitions.

Brenda, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to go political. It's a balancing act there, for sure, and my fleshy abdomen might throw me off the high wire. I'll have to go on a diet first. Hollywood Beauty College, eh? Sweeeeeeet!

ThE oLdHaM's said...

cousin I love you so so so much!

kara elmore said...

ohhhh shoot - I actually can't read this - there were too many references to FOOD. Really - like I can't watch spongebob anymore because they make krabby patties TOO many times. And do you REALIZE how many times they make FOOD in ANY show?? Like STOP EATING PEOPLE I am going to BARF!!! And because it's ALL about me - DO what I SAY!

So .. I'll come back when you're talking about other things... until then- LOVE YOU! more than kate.

Lisa said...

Kate, I love YOU so much. But I know you only love ME because I make you feel better about yourself as I mention my GPA. But whatever. I'll take it.

BB, I'll make sure not to mention Krabby Patties. Or steamed cabbage. Or raw hamburger. Or rotten fruit in the bottom of the fridge. Or fart sandwiches. None of that will be mentioned in my blog until you feel better. :) I got your back.

JAMAL said...

Stupid Dora Appliques. I can't get them to stop. But yeah. Soup. I made a big batch for (gasp!) Sunday dinner, and homemade rolls. I don't care. I felt like Holly Homemaker. HOWEVER...I think the reason it went from side dish to meal status was the five cans of cream of chicken soup I dumped into it as well as the half tub of sour cream. This is the lesson I take from it: enough fat and almost anything can be considered meal-worthy. (Fills their guts, anyhow.)

Thank you for not mentioning Krabby Patties. I honor that decision.